Staggering Divorce Rate For Those With A Chronic Illness

I made the mistake today, of researching the divorce rate among couples who deal with a chronic illness or chronic pain.  What I found, was staggering.  There is a 75% divorce rate among those who are dealing with a chronic illness.  75%.  That number, is almost unreal to me.

I'm not gonna lie, that number scared me.  It also made me really sad.  When a couple marries, they think that their spouse is their best friend.  They think that they will always be able to count on their spouse, to turn to if something's wrong.  To see how high the divorce rate is in this group, almost cripples me.  My heart is breaking to think of the pain, betrayal,anguish and tears that the chronically ill person must feel when their spouse tells them that they want out, because they became sick.

Since I've become sick, my marriage has hit speed bumps.  Even though my husband thinks that he "gets it", he doesn't really "get it".  Little things that have been said in the heat of the moment shows me that he doesn't really "get it".  On the other hand, I can't really understand fully how it must be for him, either.  To go from having a life-long companion, to having to help take care of someone who's sick every single day.  I know this can't be easy for him either.

So, how do I make sure that my marriage falls into that 25% catagory?  What do I need to do, to make sure I'm doing my part in keeping this marriage alive?  I don't really have an answer to that, and that scares me.  I'm the type of person that always sits and analyzes everything.  I need a plan A, a plan B, and usually I don't feel content until I have a plan C also in place.  The thing is though, with a marriage, let alone a chronic illness, there isn't any way to make a plan A, let alone a plan B and a plan C. 

Marriage is hard to keep alive and well, even when a chronic illness isn't involved.  The added stress of a chronic illness just makes everything that much harder.  To keep a marriage alive, when chronic illness is present, takes a strong committment from both partners.  If one or the other in the marriage isn't 100% fully committed to making things work, then there will be problems. I know that I'll do everything I can, to try and ensure that my marriage doesn't fall into that 75% divorce rate.  I also pray that none of you, will fall into that catagory as well.  I found this divorce rate listed in several websites across the web.  I will leave you with the link to one of those websites though.   You can click HERE to read the page I found this statistic on.

Enter This 4 Hour Flash Giveaway For A $35 Starbucks GC

I'm excited to be part of a giveaway with some other bloggy ladies, to offer a $35 Starbucks GC (or your choice of a PayPal/Amazon GC).  I don't know about you all, but coffee is a pick-me-up that I need daily!  Please remember to share this post with your family/friends on your wall, so they can have a chance to win too!  Good luck!

$35 Starbucks Gift Card 4-Hour FLASH Giveaway!!!

 

 

A few AWESOME Bloggers have teamed up to give you this wonderful $35 Starbucks Gift Card! We believe in quick, small, and easy giveaways! Our giveaways only have a FEW entries to fill out and you will know if you WIN in just a couple of hours! WHAT FUN! Good luck on tonight's giveaway! See you back on Monday for another great FLASH giveaway!

Here are our WONDERFUL participating sites for this evening's 4-Hour FLASH Giveaway!! Check out these awesome sites when you have time! 

*NOTE: You can choose PayPal/Amazon GC in substitution of the Starbucks GC.

Mama Luvs Books

Emptynester Savings & More 

The Fibro Frog

Enchanted Savings 

Mommy Coupon Swappers

Powered By Mom

Penny Pincher Jenny 

Wonderful Things in Life

The Coupon Cluster 

Sarah's Blog of Fun

Linda's Angels

Miki's Hope 

So Cal Coupon Mommy 

Carmen's Coupon Blog

Building Carpenters 

Couponing 4 U 

Centsible Bargains

Organic Deals and Steals    

 

 

Enter The Whole Lotta Mama Birthday Bash

I'm excited to offer my readers a chance to win in this great giveaway! Entering and having a chance to win stuff like this is always a great pick-me-up for me, and I hope it is to you all as well! Good luck!
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March 29th is Whole Lotta Mama's 32nd birthday and she wants to give back! Whole Lotta Mama has teamed up with some other rockin' bloggers and we were able to bring you this rockin' giveaway!



 

Please stop by and thank all of these amazing bloggers who helped out to make this birthday giveaway a success!

Wrap to lose inches with Jolene
Extreme Southern Couponing
Jenn's Book Blog
Katie's Krazy Savings
Secrets 2 Save
Small Town Savings Momma
Linda's Angels
Sweet Pea Saving
Mom Anthology
SaraLee's Deals Steals & Giveaways
Christina Serrano Ind Avon Sales Rep
The Coupon Cluster
The Fibro Frog
Peace, Love and Savings
Love2EncourageYou
Fabulous Classroom
Happy Home and Family

What will you win?
We will have FOUR winner!

1st place - $50 Walmart GC or Paypal (winners choice) & a Slice Coupon Cutter
2nd place - $50 Coupon Envie & Alpha Hydrox Face Wash (6oz) and Anti Wrinkle Cream (6 oz)
3rd place - Coupon Envie with 100+ coupons & 2 packs of Breathe Right Strips, 5 strips in each pack
4th place - Assorted Candle & Children Stickers

Giveaway will end April 2nd at midnight EST. All entries will be verified. Giveaway open to US & CA 18+ or older.

Good Luck and keep rockin! <3 END HTML

When You Just Can't Help It

Do you ever have a day, where everything makes you want to cry?  No matter how positive I try to make myself feel today, it's just not working.  Every little thing is making me blink back tears.  Stupid little things.  For instance, I really need a new bed and I'd like to get a good memory foam one.  Preferably one with cooling gel in it.  I'd also like to get a Mediflow Water Based Pillow.  Our budget doesn't allow for us to buy these, so I decided to try my hand at advertising a spring senior picture photo session special on a few of the online garage sale sites in my area.  Anything I make, I'd like to save back for the bed and pillow.  It's the only way I have a hope of getting them.  I see people bump up their posts on those sites quite frequently.  Sometimes as frequently as once an hour.  I posted early evening last night, then bumped the post up around midnight last night, then again around 8:30am today.  I was just tagged and called out by a moderator, and asked to only bump my post up one time a week.  A little thing, right?  It made real tears start to fall down my cheeks.  I tried so hard not to cry over something as silly as that, but I couldn't help it.

My husband is tired today. He gets up for work between 4am-5am, and last night he was awaken a few times by the kids being a little too loud.  He wasn't sleeping soundly like he usually does.  Therefore, he's a little short in his responses this evening.  Now rationally, I know that I should not take it personally.  I should understand that.  I am taking it personally though.  I sat here, blinking back tears, feeling like he hates me or something.  That is totally ridiculous, and I know it is.  I just can't help it. 

I'm sure a lot of it is that I also, am tired.  I'm wore out.  I'm in a horrible flare right now.  I took pain killers 3 times yesterday/last night and once today, and the pain hasn't dulled.  Due to taking pain killers yesterday, I couldn't sleep last night.  I was up until 8:30am this morning, then I tossed and turned with shoulder pain for a bit before I finally fell asleep.  I woke up at 2pm this afternoon, feeling as if I hadn't slept at all.  I don't have another appointment at The Cleveland Clinic until the beginning of May.  I really don't think I can take it that long, if I don't get this flare under control immediately.  If I'm still in a flare tomorrow, I think I'll call them and tell them that I'm in a bad flare and none of the meds I have are helping.  The only problem I have with that, is that my husband needs at least a week (and better if he has at least 2 weeks) notice to give to his work, to take a day off.  We live about an hour and a half, to an hour and 45 minutes away from The Cleveland Clinic and he has to take me.  So if they want me to come in, I'm going to have a problem.  I could ask my father to drive me, but he'll be 73 in June, and I hate to ask him to take me that far away.  Just thinking about them wanting me to come in, and the problem that would cause, is again making me feel like I could cry.  Something silly yet again, but again, I just can't help it.

I'm tired.  I hurt.  I feel isolated.  I feel like I'm not good enough at anything I try to do, this blog included.  I feel like a $hitty mother, because I can't clean like I need to and have to ask the kids to do so many chores. I feel like a $hitty wife, because the way our finances are, I really need to have a job outside of the home. I feel guilty. At this point and time though, that is 100% impossible for me to do physically.  Even with accomodations, I wouldn't be able to do it.  I feel like my family thinks I put a lot of my symptoms on.  My 18yr old son, in the heat of being mad at me for something, has many times yelled that I don't do anything except sit on my "lazy butt".  I know that being a teen comes with moodiness and outbursts that you don't really mean, but I can't tell you how bad it stings when he says that to me.  At one point in my life, my husband and I had some problems and had split up.  When that happened, I took care of 4 children ages 6 and under all on my own, while working three part-time jobs, and I was carrying 18 credit hours in college.  I'm far from being lazy. I really hate fibromyalgia.  I hate it for making my family doubt me.  I hate it most of all, for making me doubt myself.  I know it's silly to do so, but again, I just can't help it.

A "Letter To Normals"

One of the hardest things about having fibromyalgia (or any invisible illness), is getting people to understand that you truly are sick.  For some reason, if a person can't see "sickness" with their own eyes, they tend to have a hard time relating to you, and showing empathy and sympathy for you and your illness.  Now, I know that us Fibromites aren't looking for sympathy, but a little empathy from those we love in our lives, would be nice.  To know they understand how we feel, and what goes on in our heads. 

"Letter To Normals" is the copyright of Fibrohugs.com and was written by Ronald J. Waller.  Permission is granted to anyone to use this letter, as long as the copyright and author is fully visible.  Reading "Letter To  Normals" brought tears to my eyes, because I could so fully connect with what Mr. Waller was saying. 

"The Letter To Normals
Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,

Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person’s time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.

I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). Many have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM/MPS has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.

You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who’s attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you wont see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You wont see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can’t see it and do not understand....

Please don’t get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....

Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.

I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the Demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….

Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.

And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say “but you did that yesterday!” “What is your problem today?” The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply that I have let my family down again; and still they don’t understand….

On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another’s face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.

So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….

Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you… Please understand…."

Copyright of www.fibrohugs.com Written by Ronald J. Waller

I may just print off copies of this, and give them to my closest friends and family members.  I don't know if that will help get it through to them or not, but I feel as if I need to keep trying.  I'm really not sure that anyone can ever truly understand, unless they have it themselves. 

Accommodations In The Workplace For Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is hard on someone even if they don't work outside of the home.  For those who do work outside of the home, they may feel that managing their symptoms while in the workplace is impossible.  There are quite a few accommodations that can be made though, to help make your work environment easier to be at.  I found a list at WebMD.  I'm going to highlight some important ones in this post, but you can see the full list by clicking the link.

The first thing you should do, is talk to your employer and describe what having fibromyalgia is like for you.  Explain to your boss how you will have good days, and you will have bad days.  See if there's any way that if you're having a bad day, that you can either take some work home with you to reduce your day in the office, or if it's possible for you to work from home that day.  Explain that even being able to take short breaks, alternating between sitting and standing, would be helpful to you.

What to do when Fibro Fog set's in?  Explain what fibro fog is.  Explain that it's a symptom of your fibromyalgia.  Ask that clear, simple directions be written down for you to refer to.  Use schedules and organizers, to help you keep track of what you need to do, and of deadlines.  When using your scheduler or organizer, priortize your assignments so that you make sure you get the most important things completed first.  Try to work in an area that has minimal distractions, so that you can concentrate easier.

Providing written instructions, and reducing your distractions should also help to aleviate depression, stress and/or anxiety that you may be feeling.  Your boss should allow for time off for counseling if needed, and should provide sensitivity training to co-workers.  He or she should also give you a clear outline of deadlines and consequences.  You should be allowed breaks for stress management techniques, if you're feeling especially depressed, stressed or anxious that day.  Also check with your HR department to see what employee assistance and counseling opportunities the company provides to it's employees. 

Talk to your boss, about developing an ergonomic work station.  This can help to relieve pain and fatigue by making it easier for you to be at your workstation.  Having a company that's willing to allow a flexible work schedule and flexible use of leave time can be extremely helpful for days and times that you feel especially tired or weak.  Reducing or eliminating the amount of physical exertion you have to do at work, is also especially helpful for days you're tired and/or weak. 

If you suffer from migraine headaches, talk to your boss about providing air purification devices, and eliminating flourescent lighting and providing task lighting.  Again, a flexible work schedule that allows you to work from home is especially helpful on days you're suffering from a migraine or a sleepless night.  Many of the other suggestions above, also will be helpful on these days. 

I know that even with the best of accommodations and the most understanding boss in the world, there still may be days that you just feel it's impossible to go into work.  I completely understand that.  As a matter of fact, I've been in such a pain flare for months now, that I'm sure if I worked outside the home I'd have been fired by now.  All a person can do, is to try and do their best.  This is one of the reasons why awareness of fibromyalgia is so important.  If people do not really know what it is, then how can we expect them to really understand.  Awareness and advocacy of fibromyalgia and all of the other chronic pain and invisible illnesses will be a passion of mine, until the day I die.  I'll do everything I can to get the word out there.  To try and make people understand that this is a "real" syndrome.  The pain is real, and so are the ramifications.

My 16yr Old Daughter, Fight's Like A Girl

I haven't really talked about any of my children on this blog yet, so I'm going to take today to introduce you to my youngest child, Courtney.  Courtney is 16 years old, and at the age of 15yrs 1mo old, she was diagnosed with PCOS.  PCOS (Poly Cystic Overy Syndrome) is another one of our wonderful invisible illness'.  I do believe that Courtney also suffers from Fibromyalgia, and I'm getting ready to start my research of trying to find a good rheumatologist that treats children.

Shortly before Courtney (who prefer's to be called Court) turned 15, she started getting sick.  She started having horrible stomach pain.  She was tired and lethargic.  Her muscles felt weak and ached, and she'd get muscle twitches and charlie horses.  She had constant headaches, and sometimes felt dizzy.  She was nauseous a lot of the time, and lost her appetite.  She had (has) trouble going to sleep at night, and became depressed. 

Our adventure led us to the family doctor, who ran test after test.  He seriously ran almost every test imaginable.  Even ones where she had to drink contast that made her throw up.  She had everything from blood tests, to urine tests, to imaging and ultra sounds.  The final conclusion after months of testing, was that she has PCOS.  The ultra sound showing several pearl-like strands of cysts on both ovaries was the final piece of the puzzle to her diagnoses.  Like I said above, since I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and learned about this beast, I fully believe her to also have Fibromyalgia in addition to the PCOS.  She also was diagnosed as having depression.  -Yet another invisible illness to deal with.

I was searching for a photo of Court, that I had taken of her in the hospital one time after diagnoses, but of course I'm not seeing it in my hundreds of photos that I have on my computer.  One of her cysts became very large, and ruptured.  She was in so much pain that she was laying curled up on the bathroom floor, crying and asking me if she was going to die.  She was white as a sheet. Talk about breaking a mom's heart.  After she'd been at the hospital for awhile, all of the fluid from the ruptured cyst moved up into her chest cavity, causing excruitiating pain in her chest.  The poor kid was on I.V. morphine for about 4 hours. 

The people who have heard of PCOS without being afflicted with this condition themselves, say "Oh yeah, I've heard of that.  It just causes some cysts on the ovaries.".  That statement can be infuriating to a person who suffers with PCOS.  It's so much more then that.  In fact, a lot of people who have PCOS doesn't even have ovarian cysts.  The name can be so misleading. There's a gauntlet of symptoms and a person may suffer from one symptom, to many or all of the symptoms.  Unfortunately for Courtney, she suffers from a massive list of them.

Everyone has heard of diabetes, right?  Everyone has heard of heart disease, for sure.  Most everyone has heard of endrometrial cancer.  Everyone has heard of depression. So why then, hasn't everyone heard of PCOS?  PCOS can cause any one of these above conditions.  PCOS is the number one leading cause of female infertility in the U.S.  It can cause cysts, but as you can see, it also is a whole lot more then that.  Babies born to women with PCOS are even at a higher risk of NICU stays, then babies born to mothers without PCOS. 

My daughter, who should be enjoying the best years of her life in high school right now, is now homeschooled.  She takes her classes through our school district, in an online format.  She's a beautiful singer, who was part of our high school show choir.  Unfortunately, our director didn't know a thing about PCOS and apparantely wasn't willing to try to learn anything about it.  Therefore, if Court wasn't quite as peppy as she should be at a practice, or if she was having a really bad day and just couldn't make it to practice that night, she was yelled at infront of the whole group for it.  Courtney finally had enough, and had to give up her one real joy at the end of the 1st semester this year.  Here's a photo of her doing one of her solo's last year:

She loved the dinner theatre they held, and was so excited to get out there and perform for the crowd.  Here she is before she took the stage, along with my parents:

PCOS may have put a few road blocks in Courtney's path, but it hasn't stolen her spirit or personality.  She's still the same beautiful, goofy teen-aged girl that loves spending time with her friends. 

My oldest son, Cody, is an amateur MMA fighter, with a 7-state ranking of 3rd out of all of seven states. September is the national awareness month for PCOS, and we're hoping that with Cody's help we'll be able to get a huge all female fight scheduled, with the name of the fight being called "Fight Like A Girl", to raise awareness of PCOS and to raise funds for research.  Here's Cody at one of his fights:

Cody is the one on top, winning

  See, research is really needed for PCOS.  There isn't a cure.  There isn't even a treatment plan really.  Some doctor's throw some birth control pills at you to try and help with the symptoms.  Some doctor's throw metformin pills at you to try and help with the symptoms.  Depression meds may be prescribed.  That's about it.  If money can be raised for depression, heart disease, diabetes and cancer then why can't it be raised for PCOS research?  Again, PCOS can cause any or all of these complications.  I bought a new teal colored shirt a few weeks ago, and today I'm wearing teal for my daughter.  I'll leave you with a very poor quality video of Courtney and the show choir group doing the opening song of the dinner theatre, in case you'd like to watch some real life "Glee" today. They're doing the song "Don't Stop Believing".  That's a motto that Court and I both live by.  Please be patient.  The lights finally come on at the :55 mark, and the camera zooms in on Court around the 1:07 mark.