So Much Excitement In The Air

Some of you may notice that a badge on the right hand side of the screen has been swapped out.  Yes, the badge naming this blog a "top fibromyalgia blog for 2014" has now been replaced a new one naming this blog one of the best fibromyalgia blogs of the year for 2015!  I can't begin to tell you how truly humbling it is to have made Healthline.com's top 15 this year.  This is 3 years in a row now.  It's absolutely mind-blowing to me that my little corner of the internet world gets noticed by someone as prestegious as Healthline.  Well, in all honesty, that it gets noticed by anyone for that matter.  

I don't know how in the world I distorted the screenshot when I cropped it down.  I tried playing with the crop to fix it but it just kept getting funkier so I just left it alone lol.  Every blog on Healthline's list, is of top quality so make sure you check them out.  There are some new ones on the list this year!  You can click the link HERE to access the slide show.

In all honesty, I have all of YOU to thank for this honor because without you I never would've had the courage or determination to keep writing this blog for the past 3 years.  

The other exciting news in the air, is that my fundraising event for National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day 2015 is this Saturday!  I can't believe how quickly the date snuck up on me!  I'm attaching a flyer I'd made up for the event, but since the design, I've had even more artists that have wanted to participate!  I still have a lot of work ahead of me before Saturday and I'm a nervous wreck about everything coming off as it should the day of the event.  -The weather forecast has me nervous all in it's own!  This is an outside event and it started off last Saturday with an 80% chance of storms for May 9th.  Then it dropped to a 50% chance.  Now, it's down to a 40% chance of storms.  I pray, pray, pray that it drops even more.  -Or if not, that we hit the 60% chance of it NOT storming.  I'm choosing to concentrate on the 60% of no storms, than the 40% of possible storms.

Monday, I will post an update to the event with a lot of pictures for you all to see!  Until then, love and butterfly hugs to all!

Drugs

I hate drugs.  I've always hated them.  Even as a teenager, I'd rather moan and wriggle, and exclaim that I was going to die, than to take a stinking Tylenol or two for period cramps or a headache.  I really don't know what my hang-up has always been about them, but it used to make me half sick to my stomach to even swallow one.  To even think about taking drugs of any kind.

I've exlaimed to both my family doc and my pain management doc, that I refuse all narcotics until the day comes that I can't move or walk and just absolutely have to have them to drag my butt out of bed.  In all honesty, I'd rather cry (and I have many times) due to pain then to gag down some stupid narcotic that eventually would make me become addicted to it's nastiness.  

Where I refuse narcotics, I'm prescribed Tramadol for pain.  Oh let me tell you about that nasty little drug! A synthetic opiod.  A non-narcotic. They can say it's a non-narcotic all they want but I think the effects of it is just as bad.  I have to feel as if I'm about to die, to swallow one of those evil little white pills.  

This afternoon, the pain was so intense that I thought about it for a little while.  My thought process went something like this: "Ouch! Cuss words in my head.  Am I gonna die?  Cuss words in my head.  Should I take a Tramadol?  -Or would I be better off not to take a Tramadol and see if the pain actually does kill me?  Let's think this through.  Death?  Tramadol?  Death?  Tramadol?  Hmmm  ...ok, I guess I'll take a *!^* Tramadol."

After about 20-30 minutes of swallowing the dumb thing, I started getting cotton mouth.  A few minutes later, I started feeling jittery inside.  About 10 minutes after that, I felt like I was completey wasted, fubar drunk.  Then, the jittery-ness became even worse yet.  Next, the drunk feeling subsided a bit but my insides still felt jittery.  I felt nauseous and had a dull headache.  I was sitting here just zoning and kind of felt like I was outside of my body watching it.  I'm still in the last phase of the nausea/headache/zoning/feeling like I'm outside of my body.  

What is that they say about hindsight?  -If I had it to do over again, I never would have taken the damn pill earlier.  I would have taken my over dramatic chances on the pain causing death and dealt with it.  The Tramadol doesn't take it all away for me anyway.  I don't see how people can be druggies.  For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would want to feel like this.  How in the world can they like this type of feeling?  I just do not get it.  

Sometimes, it all feels like a cruel joke to me.  If anyone should be a druggy, it should be me to take away my pain ...but I detest it more than anything!  It feels ironic to me, and I picture some evil, sadistic person sitting around laughing about it after cursing me to suffer from a debilitating chronic pain illness and cursing me to hate drugs.  

Why, oh why isn't there a cure for Fibromyalgia?  My opinion of that answer is because not enough people know enough about it.  Not enough people know the truth about it.  It isn't important enough to non-sufferers to want to provide funding for further research.  That will never change unless we the sufferers change it.  Everyday I ask myself the question "How can I change that?".  The only conclusion I can come up with is to keep opening my big mouth.  Keep sharing the realities of our daily lives.  Keep trying to get the word out.

I've been plagued with pain, insomnia, and depression flares over and over for awhile now.  I've thought "What does it matter if I blog or update the facebook page because my little big ole mouth isn't going to make a difference. Who's going to listen to me or care what I have to say or how miserably pathetic my life has become because of this illness".  I've even contemplated giving up the blog and facebook page. As you can see on both here and the facebook page, I've let myself sit and wallow in a miserable puddle of self-pity but the effects of this damn pill today has pulled my head out and made me start "trying" again.  If nothing or nobody else, I've been letting myself down by not blogging or updating facebook.  If I suffer daily with Fibromyalgia and I won't try to get the word out about it, then how in the hell can I expect other people to do it?  I can't.  

My blog, my whines, my cries, my pleas and begging may never help lead to a cure or understanding and compassion concerning Fibro but doing nothing certainly will not get it done.  No one outside of this blog may ever know who I am, or what I've endured in my life but at least with this I know I've tried.  My children will know I tried.  I'll know that when I'm dead and gone, my children will know that I went with dignity and never giving up hope.  They can be proud of me that I didn't just give up and lay down without a fight.  I stood up for myself and the millions of others out there, that suffer every single day of their lives.

Will you all fight this fight with me?  Will you do everything you can to create awareness and demand further research?  Let's do this together!  Let's roar!  

Check Out My Latest Freebie!

I'm excited about winning my 2nd auction on the game site! Remember my first win was the Keurig! This time I won a Garmin Forerunner 110 Sports Watch! This watch sells for around $230. My oldest son's birthday is next month and he's a runner, so this is his present! Nice present for me not spending a dime! It came in today's mail so here's a pic of it! If you'd like to sign up for free to get free merchandise too, go here: GAME SITE

A New Approach To Treating Fibromyalgia

Most everyone with fibromyalgia has a common desire that's always burning in the back of their mind.  Everyone is always hoping for a cure, or at the very least, a universal treatment method that actually works!  Dr. Michael Arata is on track to making that a reality!  He's pioneered a new approach to treating fibro.  

I first read about the approach of treating fibromyalgia by using TVAM (Transvascular Autonomic Modulation) in an article on the Synergy Health blog.  You can find that article by clicking HERE.  The article talked about how closely the symptoms of fibro mimic those of autonomic dysfunction,which is a malfunctioning of the nervous system.  Dr. Arata now believes that many of those who have fibromyalgia, also have small fiber neuropathy.  Reading this article left me intrigued, and I was craving more information.  I contacted Dr. Arata, and he was generous enough to answer a few questions I had and allow me to post them here for all of you.   Below you'll find our questions and answers:

TFF: Do you have any theories on what causes Fibromyalgia?

Dr. Arata: "At least for a portion of patients it appears to be an inflammatory autonomic neuropathy. As to what sets that off it is helpful to step back and think in general terms. Most chronic illness, particularly inflammatory ones, can be traced back to antecedents and triggers. Antecedents include things like genetics and exposures. Triggers are stressful events that occur just before disease onset. These can be emotional, trauma, infection etc. Intestinal permeability and SIBO are likely culprits for what sets off Fibro."

TFF: What led to the conclusion that many with Fibro also have SFN?

Dr. Arata: "I am not sure what lead the researchers to study the nerve fibers. It likely was similar to my experience working with MS patients. The overwhelming number of patients with autonomic symptoms was to hard to ignore. I didn’t have a neurology background which helped. I think in many cases it contributes to an elephant in the room phenomenon as the autonomic piece is often neglected."

TFF: How is the TVAM procedure performed?

Dr. Arata: "It is an endovascular procedure. That means “within the vessel”. In this case it is inside the central veins. A balloon is inflated to stimulate the nerves associated with the vein."

TFF: Are there any risks or possible side-effects to the TVAM procedure?

Dr. Arata: "I have submitted a manuscript looking at the safety of the technique. In 145 patients there were no procedural complications. At 30 days two skin infection developed and one blood clot occurred."

TFF: Will TVAM also help the muscle pain and joint stiffness that a Fibro sufferer deals with?

Dr. Arata: "Improved autonomic tone can decrease the intensity of pain felt. Stiffness also may improve. Treatment is not just limited to the TVAM procedure. For example magnesium helps some patients with those symptoms. Targeted use of supplements play a big role in my practice."

TFF: How long have you been performing the TVAM procedure?

Dr. Arata: "I have treated approximately 200 patients with TVAM over the last year."

TFF: How many Fibro patients have you done this procedure on, and what is your success rate thus far?

Dr. Arata: "All treated patients have autonomic dysfunction. Associated conditions are quite diverse. There have been about a dozen with Fibro. Response is seen in most but can vary in intensity. The patient with Fibro last week responded quite well."

TFF: Do the affects of the procedure last a lifetime, or is it something that needs to be done every so often?

Dr. Arata: "With such a new procedure it is very difficult to say much about durability. Treatment improved fatigue and cognition best. These two symptoms make lifestyle changes very difficult. I firmly believe the best treatment for any chronic disease is lifestyle. You have to be able to transform yourself and thats a tall order when you are seriously fatigued."

TFF: I had read that you are the only doctor currently performing the TVAM procedure. Are there any plans to educate other physicians on the procedure, to where this becomes a widely offered treatment?

Dr. Arata: "I will be speaking to physicians in Sicily in March. There is a group of Italian physicians who have been involved with CCSVI and similarly were troubled by the theory. They also concluded that the treatment response had to be something other than relief of vessel obstruction. I am very excited to share ideas with them."

TFF: Approximately how much is the procedure? Are insurance companies covering the cost, or is it all out of pocket?

Dr. Arata: "Most insurance companies are covering treatment so in many cases the out of pocket expense is very little. It really depends upon an individuals plan."

TFF: If someone travels out of state to come to you for the procedure, how long would they need to plan to be there?

Dr. Arata: "Consultation, treatment and follow up occur over three days. A day of travel on each end may be required depending on local."

TFF: If you have any research data supporting your work and would be willing to link it, I'd be happy to include that.

Dr. Arata: "I have one publication in print so far. Several others are currently under editorial review. This article describes the treatment effect on blood pressure. BP serves as a marker of sympathetic tone. It was the first objective evidence of treatment response. Click HERE to see the publication in print.

 Dr. Arata is the primary care physician and co-founder of Synergy Health, a medical center located in Newport Beach, CA. Dr. Arata has been at the forefront of research efforts focused on establishing the link between neurodegenerative disease and autonomic dysfunction. I'd like to thank Dr. Arata again, for taking time out of his busy schedule to chat with me.

Credibility

Credibility.  It's such a simple looking and sounding word.  "The quality of being believable or worthy of trust."  Even the definition sounds simple, doesn't it?  It's so much more than that, though.  It's really so in depth, that it's mind boggling.  

How do you decide if something, or someone, is credible?  Does something have to be tangible? Do you have to be able to see it or feel it, to believe in it and it's credibility?  What about God? Or religion in general?  You can't see God, but a lot of people believe in Him.  A lot of people believe in the bible.  What lends credibility to the bible, for people to believe in it?  They just do, right?

What about the credibility of people?  Or of illnesses?  Or of people who have illnesses?  What makes their feelings, their symptoms, real and credible?  Many people will answer that question with "Well the doctor saying so makes it real and credible.  Duh.  The results from their tests make it real.  What a dumb question!".  No, not really. 

Let's pretend we have four people standing side by side.  They're lined up on a stage, in front of a large audience of people.   First, we have a person who has cancer.  They have patchy hair on their head, and they're pale and have dark circles around their eyes.  They look at you and say "I don't feel good.  I'm sick to my stomach and my body hurts.  I'm really in a lot of pain today.  I'm just completely exhausted.  I have to go lay down now".  

Next, we have a person who has MS.  They're standing there with a cane.  Their eye is watering.  They say "I'm just coming out of a flare.  My face is numb, which is making my eye water because it feels funny to it.  I'm weak, and have to use my cane right now to walk.  I'm just so tired".  

The third person says "I have fibromyalgia.  My body feels like I've been beat with a baseball bat.  It hurts to turn my head, or raise my arms.  My legs ache and my back, hips, and legs hurt so bad that I can barely take a step today.  I woke up feeling just as exhausted as when I went to bed last night.  But of course, I couldn't even fall asleep until close to 5am due to the pain and insomnia that fibro causes. I don't have an appetite, and when I try to eat, I feel nauseous".  

Lastly, there stands a person who suffers from severe depression.  They say "I feel worthless.  I don't feel like I have anything to live for.  I just want to sleep.  I don't even have an appetite any more. I want to lay down and sleep and never wake up.  I hurt in my heart.  I want to be happy.  I want to go do things and have fun, but I just can't.  I don't want to live like this any more".  

After looking at these four people, and hearing what they have to say, the large audience is asked to vote as to which one of these people is the sickest and to write why they believe the way they do.  What do you think the outcome of this vote would be?  Which person is the sickest?  Which person do people generally feel the most sorry for?

Of course I haven't conducted this experiment.  This is just all personal opinion and perspective from what I've seen and heard in the world of illness. my personal conclusions though, are of course the person who has cancer is the one that's going to get the most votes.  Next, the person who has MS will get the 2nd most votes.  Even though the person who suffers from severe depression may receive comments on the forms such as "It's all in your head." ..."You could be happy if you'd just let yourself be" ...etc, they'd come in as the 3rd sickest in my opinion, and last place would be the person who has fibromyalgia.  The fibro person may garner comments such as "Quit being a hypochondriac" ...."It's all in your head" ...."Your illness isn't that bad" ...."If you were really that sick, you'd be able to tell it just by looking at you" ...."Fibromyalgia isn't even real.  It's just something someone made up to shut up all of the hypochondriac's out there" ...etc.  I could go on, and on with possible & probable comments that those cards would receive.  

My question is, what makes the person who has cancer or MS more crediable as to how they're feeling than the person who has fibromyalgia or depression?  All four of these illnesses are terrible.  All of them are their own form of a living hell.  They're a form of personal torture and take away from a good quality of life.  But why do people sympathize with the one who has cancer and the one who has MS, but doesn't believe the one who has fibromyalgia and the one who has depression?   

Tangible results are why.  Blood tests, xrays, MRI's, CT scans, PET scans, scars from surgery.  All show definitive results that something is wrong inside of the person.  Visual accountability.  They can see with their own eyes, the balding head.  The dark circles.  The scars.  For some reason, in the area concerning a person's health, people are hung up on the tangibles.  If they can't see it, they don't believe it.  In the minds of most people, if it can't be proven, beyond a doubt, then it doesn't exist.  It isn't true.  

Why people can believe in certain things that they can't "see", such as God and the bible, but can't believe in another person when they say how they feel, is beyond me.  It really saddens me and hurts my heart.  Everyone's pain is valid.  Everyone's pain counts.  Everyone who is suffering, no matter from what, deserves to be heard and to be believed.

This is one reason why research for fibromyalgia and other chronic pain conditions is so very important. New research has been pointing us in the right direction as to "proving" fibromyalgia is real, but there's still so much that we need to learn.  To make our illness credible ....to make our voices credible, we need to learn so much more.  When people do not believe us, it makes it so hard to garner the support and funds for further research.  Without that research, we will never be credible.  We're going to have to find the "why" of fibromyalgia, to be believed.  

I spent a few days last week with a person who has MS, and a healthy person, both at the same time.  The healthy person went on and on about how terrible MS is.  How I'm sooooo lucky that I "just" have fibro and not MS or cancer, or something else that's horrible.  Well, you know what?  Having fibro is pretty horrible too in it's own aspect.  It's not much fun to feel like you have a sunburn all the time on your skin.  It's not much fun to feel like you have the flu every single day of your life.  It's not fun to be in a flare where you honest to God feel like someone took a baseball bat and beat the living crap out of you the night before.  I don't like saying "ow" every time I go to stand up, or move my head.  I hate being so exhausted that I sit and expend energy I don't have to spare, crying, yet if I lay down to sleep I just lay there.  Then I toss and turn because if I lay on one side for a bit I start to hurt.  So I say "ouch" as I turn over because it hurts to move my body to turn.  Then I repeat the process a few minutes later.  Over and over for endless hours at a time.  When I wake, I feel just as tired as when I went to bed, because my brain doesn't go into, or stay in, a deep restorative sleep pattern.

When I vocalized that fibro isn't a picnic either, I was met with "Maybe not, but it isn't as bad as what poor S goes through all of the time.  She's been to four different doctors who have all proven that she has MS".  Hmmm.  Really?  I've been to several different doctors too, who all say I have fibromyalgia.  It may be in different ways, but how can you say that what she has affects her worse than what I have?  How can you discount how my body feels?  What makes her more credible than me?  

I felt like a failure, because I just couldn't get her to understand about fibromyalgia.  She just wasn't open to being educated about it.  I had to keep reminding myself, that she doesn't know much about fibro.  She doesn't know what the latest research has shown.  She doesn't hear about fibro in the news, or read about it in the papers.  We in the fibro community haven't made a big enough deal about it, for a long enough period, to demand the media attention that fibro deserves.  You see/read stories all the time, front page news, about someone with cancer.  Or some new research or therapy on the cancer forefront.  You hear/read about MS.  Honestly, how often do we hear/see/read about fibromyalgia?  Not very often.  

As a person who suffers from almost every co-condition of fibro, I feel personally responsible for getting our voices heard.  I feel personally responsible for trying to educate those who doesn't have a clue what fibro really entails.  I also feel responsible for letting every single person out there with fibro know that I'm here for them.  That they aren't alone, and that I believe in them and their symptoms.  I feel like it's up to me, to do my part in trying to educate the media and try to get them to run with the story.  If that doesn't happen, then we in the fibro community will never have the credibilty that we deserve.  Without that credibility, than we'll never garner the support financially for further research to find our why, our how, and our CURE.  If a cure can't be found, then we at least deserve a treatment plan that works universally for all of us and gives us back some normalcy.  We deserve that every bit as much as someone with cancer, or MS, or depression, or Lupus, or any other miserable, lousy disease out there.  We must start demanding the respect and credibility that we rightly deserve.

Take The Spoon Week Challenge

Dear Readers,

A reader of Fibrotastic Mom approached her with an idea for a challenge that will spread awareness.  Fibrotastic Mom then approached me, asking if I'd be willing to jump on board, too.  Well, you all know me, anything to create awareness and education, I'm all for!  The Fibro Frog's motto is all about awareness and education, because without it, we'll never have the backing for enough research to find a cure.  Or at the very least, a concrete, universal treatment plan that works for everyone!  I'm repeating my words now for about the millionth time, so let's just move on to the challenge lol.

Starting tomorrow, through next Sunday, August 18, 2013, when you go out in public ...anywhere ...to the store, to work, to the beach, to a fair or festival or any kind of outing ....take a spoon with you.  Then, take a photo of yourself out in public with the spoon in hand, and then post it on facebook!  You can also post it on Fibrotastic Mom's facebook page (get there by clicking her name), on my facebook page The Fibro Frog, ...or on Christine Miserandino's facebook page: But You Don't Look Sick.  How cool is it that Christine, the original author of The Spoon Theory, is on board with us on this?!  She said if we post our pictures there too, that she will share them and thought this is an awesome idea!

The thought behind this idea, is to flood facebook with photos of us all holding spoons.  So then, people will ask us about it and ask why we're holding a spoon.  That's our opening to talk to them about Fibromyalgia and educate them about what a day in our lives is really like.  How we only have so many spoons to use each day, for us to make it through.  If we can get facebook flooded with these photos, just think of the awareness and education that we'll be able to spread!  This could be huge, guys!  -But it's going to take all of us to make this work.  

You are welcome, and in fact we'd love for you to steal the photo above, and turn it into your facebook cover for the week.  If you go to PicMonkey, then click on "college" on the left side, then click on the layouts tab, there's an option to upload the photo into a FB cover layout to turn the pic into a FB cover photo.  PicMonkey is free to use.  Then, make your pic of you holding your spoon out in public, your profile pic!  -Don't forget to send the photo (or upload directly if the page allows that option), to either Fibrotastic Mom, Christine's, or The Fibro Frog's facebook page.  -It would be GREAT if you'd upload the photo to all three of our pages!!  

Let's face it.  None of us like living with Fibro.  We don't like the fact that we can't be the same person who we still mentally feel we should be.  We don't like putting limits on ourselves.  Not being able to play with our children and/or grandchildren the way we'd like to.  Having to pace ourselves so we don't run out of spoons.  Not having a clear memory, or forgetting what we were doing or saying.  We don't like being as tired when we wake up, as when we went to bed.  Or having insomnia for sometimes days at a time.  We don't like the aches and pains. The sore, cramping, muscles and muscle spasms and charely horses.  We don't like Fibromyalgia numbness, or feeling like someone took a match and lit every nerve in our body on fire.  Feeling as if we live every. single. day. of our lives with having the flu.  Therefore, all of us should be willing to do our part in this fight against Fibromyalgia.  I've said it all along guys & gals.  -If we don't educate and advocate, then there will never be enough pressure to force enough research to find our cure.  Let's all jump on this, and make it the biggest, best Spoon Week that we can make it!

Much Love & Butterfly Hugs to you all,

Amy

The Fibro Frog 

Fibromyalgia Is A PITA - Literally

"You have a charlie horse where??!"  

"I have a charlie horse in my butt cheek.  When I told you that fibromyalgia is a pain in the butt, I meant it literally!"

Yes ladies & gentlemen, this was a true conversation in my household today. 

 Just that short quote should be warning enough that this post will contain some whining.

Now tonight, or this morning since it's 2:20am, my entire body is screaming in pain.  The top of my shoulders, where they hook onto my neck, seriously feel as if I have metal claws that keep digging in and gripping them, then releasing.  I feel like I have a little invisible Gargoyle sitting on my shoulders.  Of course, I  haven't been helping myself any with the shoulder/neck pain because I keep catching myself having my shoulders all scrunched up and tight.  I don't even realize that I do it. I have to make myself let them down,to where they're supposed to be.

Seeing what a talented, experienced master crafter craft challenged person I am, I got the bright idea to make. yes make all by myself, all of these cute, adorable makes me want to rip my hair out and throw things craft ideas that I found on that time sucking, budget blowing site Pinterest for my daughter in law's baby shower this coming Sunday. First, I finished a tutu for my 19 month old granddaughter last night.  Every. Single. Tutorial. I watched on YouTube or read on a blog said that making this tutu would take right around an hour from start to finish.  They all fibbed! -They obviously haven't been around anyone that's as awesome craft challenged as I am. I started making this gosh darn adorable tutu for a little 19 month old on Friday (I believe anyway.  Thursday or Friday .....&!*&& fibro fog!!)  Just shy of 3 hours, ....yes you read that right three fun and enjoyable stressed, painful hours, I had the first layer of tulle on the blessed thing!  -Now, just in case you don't know, I was putting three layers of tulle on this blessed thing! 

 I didn't stick with just doing a simple tutu attached to a piece of elastic. Or attached to a pretty ribbon.  No, that wouldn't be me.  I always do things the hard way!  I attached the tulle to a stretchy, crocheted headband.  I thought they looked so cute that way.  -Easier for more layers, different lengths, etc.  Boy was I a genious an idiot!  The left side of my neck, my left shoulder, and the right side of my middle back kept spasming. It must have been something to do with the way I was sitting and holding my tutu while making it. I guess I shouldn't complain too awful much, because the second project that I started tonight has everything hurting me.  My shoulders and upper arms are honest to God, almost making me cry with the pain.  That constant non-stop, deep muscular, burning sensation with the occassional, almost rhythmic, sharp stabbing pain thrown in every few minutes. Here's a few pictures of the blessed thing on my granddaughter.  She was incredibly cranky and wouldn't stand for us trying to make the bow in the back pretty, or to fluff her tutu once it was on her. I do have to admit that I hollered Thank You Jesus!! I think it turned out really cute, and I was so proud of myself for doing it when I'm not a crafty person and had never done anything like this before.

The craft I've started next?  Holy moly, if only I was a psychic had a clue, I probably would have never bought the stuff to make it.   Alas like an idiot I spent the money on the supplies so I'll be finishing it! The funny sad thing about it, is this was the craft I was looking most forward to creating. I'm making a wreath, and to make it, you have to cut all of your material into 2x2 inch squares.  My mom lend me this huge plastic mat/board type thing that has inches going across it on all four sides.  She told me to lay my material on it then line this other, much smaller, plastic thingy-ma-jig on top with it matching up to the inches on the big board.  She handed me this thing that looks almost exactly like a pizza cutter and told me to just move over every two inches and then run the pizza cutter looking thing down the slots in the top board. Then, to turn the top board and go across every two inches and run the cutter through the slots again and I'd have all of my 2x2" inch squares cut out easy peasy and quick.

My mom really is a master crafter!  She paints (both oil and acrylic), she crochets, she knits, she sows, she embroiders, ...and she can do  any other craft if she wants to do it.  -She used to have the largest ceramic shop in all of NW Ohio.  She even gave classes to people twice a week. Me?  I didn't get one single drop any of her artistic abilities what-so-ever.  If a straight line was drawn for me, I wouldn't even be able to cut the straight line out!  I can't draw a straight line, to save my life.  -Anyway, the pizza cutter looking thing-a-ma-bob does NOT cut all the way through each and every square.  I ran and re-ran it up and down those dumb slots and still, almost every one of the squares was still connected at some random spot to the square above, beside, or below another connecting square.  

From having to stand up (because the dang board is too big for me to be able to reach the top if sitting), lean over the table and board, then running that dumb cutting tool, my upper arms, shoulders, and neck hurt worse then they ever have.  -Especially the upper arms.  Excruciating, make me gimmace, pain.  I finally gave up on cutting out the squares for tonight.  I'll resume again sometime tomorrow.  Then, I'll have a diaper cake to put together, and a newborn tutu to make for Sophia, then I'll be done until the actual shower on Sunday!

I'm not going to lie, the pain of my stupid defective body fibro honestly has stolen a lot of my joy from me on doing these crafts.  A typical one hour craft took me a couple of days to do.  The pain in my arms tonight is almost unbearable.  I feel like the pain could drive me crazy, and I've been cussing out fibro in my head for hours & hours now.  

Of course fibro affects different people in different way, and to varying degrees of pain and symptoms.  With me, my symptoms most definitely have been progressive over the years.  We traced my fibro pain all the way back to my teens.  To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if it started around the time I was in 4th or 5th grade.  I had to have bi-weekly cortisone shots in both knees due to all the pain I had in them.  I'd lay on the living room floor, curled up and rolling back and forth while crying from the pain I'd have in my knees and legs. I have to keep hoping & praying that some time soon, a cure is found. One has to be found, so I can take my life back.  Because as it is, I don't really have any type of quality.  Some ADL's (activities of daily living) I absolutely can't due anymore do to loss of range of motion, swelling, and pain.

Well ladies & gents, it's now 4:10am.  With my arms hurting as badly as they are, it took me almost 2 hours to write this post!  When the pain got too bad from the typing, I'd take a break.  Feel free to come on over to The Fibro Frog's facebook page if you haven't done so yet.  I'm much more active there, interacting and connection with others dealing with pain issues.  Sending butterfly hugs and soft whispers to all of you.

$75 Visa Card Is Up For Grabs!

Here's another great giveaway that I'm excited to be a part of! I don't know about you, but I can always use an extra $75! It's about time for one of my fibro froggies to win one of these giveaways, so make sure you get your entries in and share the giveaway with your friends! Good luck to all of you!

Hosted by:

NYSavingSpecials

Co-Hosted

Your Fashion Resource, Simply Sherryl, 

SPend With Pennies, Barbara's Beat and Kaisy

 Daisy's Corner

Come and join us on these great flash giveaway!

2/20 to 2/23

You can be the lucky winner of:

$75 Visa Gift Card

This giveaway is open worldwide

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: The Fibro Frog  is  not responsible for prize. If you have any questions about this giveaway please send an email to nysavingspecials@gmail.com.  All entries are optional, if you do any of the tasks with the 10 extra entries, even if you do one entry you can get the extra 10 entries  but if the winner tasks is a tasks you did not complete, a second winner will be chosen. If the winner tasks is the one you did you will be the winner.

Magic Christmas Dust

Key Chain Fundraising Event

Hi everyone!  I've designed a key chain using my own photo and words, to use as a fundraiser.  The key chain will have the above photo on it.  I'm trying to raise the money needed for me to present and advertise my living with chronic pain seminar.  I'm extremely grateful for each and every order, and would really appreciate it if you all would also share this event through your social media sites to help me spread the word!  I have a great group of supporters here on The Fibro Frog, and I appreciate each of you!  Thanks for your help with this event!  You will find the event by clicking: HERE.  Thanks again!  =)

The Definition Of Insanity

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I, on the other hand, called doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, hope.  I kept posting and emailing companies, looking for either help fundraising to pay for chronic pain seminars, or looking for a church, business, place, etc. to at least donate space to me to use for a chronic pain seminar.  It was so very hard for me to even make a fundraising page.  I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't just do it on my own.  I've never had much through my adult years, so it makes me feel funny to accept a "gift" (donation) from someone.  I was grateful for each and every one, but it still made me feel funny ...and bad, to accept it. I've also been a very strong-willed person all of my life, so to accept that I "do" need help, was hard for me. Regardless of how it made me feel, I went ahead and bit it, and made the page.  Even though I kept getting "no's", I still kept emailing.  Even though I'd ask for others to please share the fundraising link throughout their media sites and only a small handful would, I kept asking.  Although I knew the definition of sanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, I still plugged along.  I kept telling myself that phrase didn't apply in this situation.  If I asked enough people to either donate or share the page, that eventually it'd pay off.  See, I'd always been raised believing that a person could achieve anything in life that they want to achieve, as long as they worked hard enough at it.  I've also raised my own kids to believe the same thing.  

I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I've been, practically begging people to help me.  For a long time, I was able to ignore it, tell myself that I knew this wouldn't be easy from the start, and I could keep swallowing my embarrassment and moving forward.  I just can't do it anymore.  I've finally broke, and realized that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results really is the definition of insanity.  All along I'd maintained that I wasn't just trying to do this for me, I was trying to do it for the approximately 116 million other people in the U.S. who suffers from chronic pain, as well as for myself.  Late last night, it hit me that where I'm not getting anywhere with this, that maybe educating people so that they'll understand what we go through, and advocating for more research to find a potential cure or treatment plan that allows us to have a half-way normal life, may not be important to very many people besides myself.  If it was, I'd think that I would've gotten some help along the way.  Now, I completely understand that the economy isn't good right now, and that people have tight budgets and may not be able to make cash donations at this time.  Believe me, I truly do get that because that's where I'm at myself right now.  But it's free; it doesn't cost a single penny, for people to share my mission on their facebook page, on their blogs, on their twitter accounts pinterest, etc.  My thoughts were along the lines that even if the people I reached out to couldn't make a cash donation, that if they shared the message themselves too, that it'd reach enough people that some may be in the position to make a donation.  

There are quite a few things I'm trying to work through right now.  I'm not embarrassed to admit that I have the co-morbidity of depression secondary to my Fibromyalgia.  When my marriage first ended, I finally had to go on medication for my depression.  It really helped me a lot.  I think that I may need a med change, or my dosage upped, because I'm again finding myself feeling sad and hopeless more days then not.  I think a lot of it has to do with the upcoming holidays.  Being as sick as I am (today I can't hardly type due to the stiffness and swelling in my fingers, for instance), not being able to work a real job due to my pain, stiffness, and depression, not receiving any child support or alimony, has me absolutely dreading Christmas.  Christmas has always been my favorite holiday of the year.  The absolute joy and pleasure I'd see on my families faces when they'd open their gifts, brought me pure joy.  Even though presents may be few throughout the year, I'd completely spoil my kids at Christmas time.  I absolutely loved seeing mountains of pretty, wrapped gifts under our tree.  For myself, the only gifts I'd usually get was from my parents.  -Again, that was fine with me because I feel awkward when people give me things anyway.  My joy, was in picking out, wrapping, and watching my family open what I'd bought for them.  Long story short, I've lost my joy at this time.  I've lost my hope.  Not only was the seminar important for me personally due to my health, but it also was important for me, to do as a career.  To be able to bring in money that's desperately needed for my bills, for my family, and for the holidays. 

Right now, I feel ashamed of myself that I can't work a "real" job.  I feel ashamed that I'm not able to provide the things for my daughter that she deserves in her senior year of high school.  I feel ashamed that I struggle so much to pay my bills.  I feel sad and ashamed that I actually pretty much was begging people to to help me get the seminar going.  I can't keep feeling like this.  I have to concede to the fact that maybe chronic pain seminars, and advocacy and research, may not be as important to others as it is for me.  -And that's ok, because however someone with a chronic pain and fatigue illness feels, is valid.  There is a lady that's not only a bloggy friend, but she's also a fibro sister.  This woman has gone above and beyond, trying to help me build this page and my facebook page, along with trying her very best to help me get the seminar going.  She's posted and posted asking for help, and she's made several donations to the fundraising page.  Every time I post asking for people to share about me and my mission, she does.  It's to the point that I even feel guilty for that, because she's put so much work, time, and money into helping me.  I'm going to leave my fundraising page up and if someone runs across it and wants to make a donation or wants to share it that's great and would be very much appreciated, but I'll no longer beg for help with it.  Begging and still not getting anywhere is completely demoralizing to me, and I just can't do it anymore.  It makes me feel ashamed of myself that I can't just do it on my own.  Therefore, I will wait until I can do it myself.  Hopefully that time will be soon, but if it isn't, then it isn't.  I'm not going to keep worrying about it.  

The quote above, is how I was looking at things.  I thought that if all of us sufferers banned together, that together we could bring about a change.  A change in the way other people look at us.  A change in the way that even those in the medical field look at us and treat us.  I am so tired of DHAC's (people who doesn't have a clue) looking at me and telling me that I'm just too lazy to work.  That it's my fault that my daughter is going without stuff that she should have.  It's my fault that I'm so poor at this particular time.  I thought with so many of us, that we could demand change and research.  To be completely honest, I still feel this way.  I'm just not strong enough right now to keep trying.  I just can't take more rejection right now.  Hopefully once the holidays pass, I won't have so much on my mind and I'll jump right back in again asking for you all to help me start advocating again.  Maybe I'll get lucky in the mean time and the opportunity to hold a seminar will drop into my lap. Regardless, I want to thank everyone who reads my blog and facebook page, for sticking things out with me.  I'll do anything I possibly can to be there for you guys.  I'm just praying for a much better year in 2013.  For all of us.