........Aannnd, The Ball Was Dropped

Even though this isn't a book, let me just preface this post with the fact that I DO understand that doctors are humans too, and all humans make mistakes.  But, that said, I do NOT understand how so many doctors could screw up on one person as much as they have with my mom in the past week.  Honestly, truth be told, since July 4th.  This is a post about my mom.  My beautiful, sweet 80yr old mom.  Her name is Carol.   

This was my mom on May 16, 2023, holding her 5-day-old, Great Granddaughter.  This is my newest Grandbaby, Aria.

The morning of July 4th, 2023 I was asleep.  My mom had been sitting at her desk alone around 8:30am and her left (if I'm remembering correctly, I'm pretty sure it was the left) arm jerked straight up in the air and started bouncing around, and she couldn't control it.  Then, her left (again, whichever side it happened to with her arm, was the same side as her leg) leg did the same thing.  She felt a little dizzy at that time too I guess.  

I woke up and of course walked out to check on her, make a cup of coffee, etc.  She didn't say anything about this to me at all.  Her home health aide, who is my youngest daughter, got here for her shift at 11am.  I guess in the afternoon before Courtney left Mom told her what had happened.  Said she was having dizziness off & on and a headache too.  I still wasn't aware of this situation having occurred.  After Courtney left, my mom came back to my office & said "I want to talk to you about something"  as she sat down in the recliner I have in here for her.  I said "Yeah?  What's going on?" as she sat.  She started telling me what had happened this morning.  I told her "Mom! That's not normal. That's something that I should've been told about right away.  Something like that, you need to wake me up and not wait"!  She said, "Well, you've always said one of the ways to see if someone is having a stroke is to have them stick out their tongue and see if it goes to one side or anything so since you were sleeping this morning I went to the bathroom and did that, and it stayed straight out so I didn't think it was anything important to wake you for".  I told her to ALWAYS wake me up if something isn't normal.

As I was talking to her and telling her it's important I'm made aware of something like that right away she started to say something and then she said "Wait, I'm starting to feel really funny again.  Something isn't right. I feel funny".  Her voice was soft -she's soft-spoken anyway, but this was not her normal, and her voice trailed off.  I said, "What feels funny?". She said, "I don't know, I just feel funny".  I asked if she was dizzy and she said "Yeah, maybe a little I don't know.  I just don't feel right".  I said, "Ok, well we need to get you to the hospital". She agreed, as long as I didn't take her to our small community hospital that's only about 5 minutes from our house, even if we hit the red lights.  All her doctors are part of Blanchard Valley Health System in Findlay, OH so I said ok no problem I'd take her to the hospital in Findlay.  I told her I didn't care where I took her and that she just had to go.  

We got to the hospital and I told them I was worried that she was exhibiting stroke symptoms.  They took her straight back and already had a team of 4 waiting in the cubicle for her.  Did some basic vitals and whisked her off for a CT scan of her brain.  They came back and told us that she has had "some strokes" in the past, but didn't believe she was having one right then.  Then they said that they believe she had a TIA that day and wanted to admit her overnight for observation and to run some tests on her in the morning.  To say I was shocked to hear she had already had "some strokes" is an understatement...how many, I don't know.  They didn't say and I was too shocked to think to ask! I've been around the medical field my entire life.  HOW did I miss that my mom had previously been sitting home having "strokeS", without me realizing?  The next morning they ran an ECHO looking at her heart, and it seems like they did something else but I can't remember what.  They discharged her that afternoon saying she had a TIA.  

Once home from the hospital, her balance was really off.  She has really bad neuropathy in both of her legs from mid-calf down and she has a partial amputation of her left foot, which was done this past April.  Three years ago I took her to a neuro appointment and he ran an EEG on her and told me he doesn't know how she was walking, and that from the tests she has no feeling at all from mid-calf down. He said to her brain, her feet and legs should feel like they're floating.  She walked pretty d@mn good though, let me tell ya lol.  She's just absolutely refused to use a walker.  Even after roughly a third of her foot was amputated back in April, she still never had a fall or anything!  We have been told that eventually, she wouldn't be able to walk. She kept saying she thought it was just her neuropathy progressing.  She was having episodes of dizziness though.  She saw a special neurologist within her neurology group, that specializes in just TIA's.  My daughter as her aide, with appointments falling during her work hours, has been taking Mom to all of her doctor appointments. Mom also has had an appointment with her GP, who actually is a NP, and at both of these appointments, my Mom and Courtney both told them about  her balance being so off, and her getting bouts of bad dizziness and having headaches.  Both doctors just fluffed it off as nothing.  No further testing was done or anything.  

A couple of weeks ago, I had taken Mom to the grocery store.  Now in a store, she does agree to use a motorized scooter.  Stores are just way too much walking for her.  We'd picked up a couple of cantaloupes and when we got home I kept telling her to go sit down & rest because she kept saying how it just wore her out and her legs were hurting.  She wouldn't do it though. She had cut one of the cantaloupes in half and was standing bent over the trash can scooping the seeds out of half of it.  She lost her balance and fell into our laundry room, which has swinging doors hanging on them, and went down on her left side.  She refused to go to the hospital saying she was fine.   That she had just lost her balance.  Again, she'd just seen 2 doctors recently who both apparently thought she was fine, so I didn't force the issue of her going to the hospital.

Fast forward to this past Sunday, August 6, 2023.  She had been hungry for Wendy's, so Dad said that if I'd go get it, he'd buy it for her and me.  He didn't want any. So I went and picked up Wendy's for our dinner.  She had a spicy chicken sandwich.  This was around 6pm I believe.  At 10pm I was standing in the living room talking to her and she said "I think I'm going to be sick.  Hurry and get my bucket from beside my bed".  So I did, and she proceeded to get sick.  A little bit later I checked on her and she said that she felt better since getting sick and that she thought it was just a bout of her gastroparesis flaring up.  With that, she usually will be sick once, then it goes away.  I said that I had worried that maybe she had food poisoning from the chicken sandwich.  She said no, that she felt ok so thought it was the gastroparesis.  Around 12:30am she was vomiting again.  A lot.  Over and over.  I tried to get her to let me take her to the ER and she said no, that I must have been right and she probably had food poisoning.  One of my worst fibro symptoms that I have to combat, is insomnia.  Even with sleeping pills, I don't fall asleep unless I take a dose of muscle relaxers and 4-6 Tylenol PM along with the muscle relaxers and prescription sleep pills.  Finally, around 1:20am she hadn't been sick in a little bit so I thought "I better take these meds and try to get a little sleep in case she gets sicker and I have to take her out to the hospital".  So I took my sleep cocktail and 30 minutes later I felt them starting to kick in so I went in and laid down in bed. 

Just as I had drifted off to sleep I heard my dad "Hey Amy"? He was outside of my bedroom door. I said "Yeah"? and he said, "Hey I think you better take your mom out to the hospital she's really sick".  I hollered ok I was coming and flew out of bed. I heard her vomiting. Over and over.  I went in and got her shoes on her, with her sitting up on the edge of her bed.  I helped her get out to the living room and sat her in her recliner.  I then raced to throw clothes on myself.  Once dressed I said, "Ok, let's go"!  I helped her stand up and could tell at that point that this was going to be hard.  She was having sharp stabbing pain in her temple, had very little balance, was dizzy, and vomiting horribly.  I told my dad I was going to need his help, getting her out to my car.  He got on one side of her and I got on the other.  She managed a few steps TO the door but then said "Wait wait wait I've gotta sit down I'm gonna be sick".  I looked at my dad and told him that there was no way that we were going to get her all the way out to my car.  I said that I hated to call a squad to take her, where it was now around 2:30am on a work night, and we live in a subdivision where everyone around us just about, works.  I had no choice though. I called 911 and they picked her up and took her via ambulance to our little local hospital here in Fostoria.

At the hospital, I told them all of her symptoms along with the timing of everything, but I also told them her recent history. I told them about the TIA and overnight admission at BVH back on July 4th and told them that BVH had told me that she HAD had "some strokes" in the past, so stroke was my main concern. Mind you this hospital, our tiny little local hospital, is the same network as the big hospital she's currently in.  A hospital with a new state-of-the-art, 16-bed Neuro ICU unit.  They are the SAME HOSPITAL SYSTEM so you would think that they'd be VERY aware and cautious about patients presenting with history and symptoms of stroke. They took her down and did a CT scan, then came in and told us "Everything looks good.  There are a few viruses going around right now, so it's probably just a virus".  They discharged her with a script for Zofran.  

Monday, she still was so dizzy and vomiting.  The Zofran wasn't working at all. I tried to get her to let me take her to the hospital again.  She said, "No!  It's just a virus, the doctor said so. I'll be alright".  I said, "Ok but Mom I'm not convinced it's a virus.  If you aren't any better by tomorrow, and if Dad, Courtney, or I aren't showing symptoms of coming down with it, you're gonna have to go in again". She just kind of ignored me lol.  

It's now the next day. Tuesday, July 8th.  My Dad plays pool in a league in Findlay on Tuesday nights. He leaves around 5pm to go shoot pool.  -Mind you, he's an 84yr old that is said to be in stage 4 CHF.  He breathes horribly at night, but he sure gets around and does what he wants during the day.  Nobody would ever believe he's 84 and the health conditions he has, if they didn't know him! Courtney's shift as an aide had ended at 4pm.  Earlier that day, I was in Fostoria door dashing.  With mom so sick I didn't want to leave town. I came home though, in time for my Dad to leave to shoot pool so that Mom wouldn't be home alone.  She was way too sick to be home alone.  She had asked me to bring her home some ginger ale, so I did.  She took a small swallow of it and immediately started vomiting again.  I said, "Mom, you can't keep anything down. If I can't keep any liquids down you I can't keep you hydrated here at home. Virus or not, I have to take you to the hospital. You really need some IV hydration badly"!  She shook her head ok and said "As long as you take me to Findlay. I don't want to go up here". I told her I'd take her anywhere she wanted me to, as long as she'd go.  This time, she was able to make it to my car with my help.  I got her into the car, and the poor thing just vomited and vomited the entire way there.  She said, "This car ride is making me motion sick".  

We get there, and they're packed!  The triage nurse, MA, whatever she was, was a real b!tch!!  She was sooooo annoyed because I said I needed a wheelchair and some help getting my mom out of the car and in. I told her what was going on.  There was a young new mother there, her father had her baby watching it for her, that was being triaged.  The nurse let out a loud audible sigh and said with a real snotty tone to her, "I'll be right back.  I'll never understand how people can get into a car to come here, then suddenly be too sick to walk in on their own".  Now, people who know me in person know how badly I hate confrontation and they know that I'm usually the nicest person ever.  But let me make everyone aware ....when it comes to my kids, my grandkids, or my parents my switch can flip in 2.1 seconds. I felt a rush in my head and started to open my mouth to tell her what I thought of her and her $hitty attitude, but then luckily I quickly realized right then, it didn't really matter.  Just get my mom in here and get her assessed lol.  

She brings Mom inside.  Leaves her sit and finishes triaging the young new mother and sent her back to a room.  She then triages Mom and says "We're all full back there so just find somewhere to sit and wait and we'll come get you when we have room.  She started to grab the wheelchair to wheel her for me and I said "Don't do that.  You're apparently too busy to be bothered wheeling people around that can walk to a car on their own".  I just couldn't help myself, you guys.  Life Coach, Emotional Intelligence Coach, Meditation Facilitator & Coach or not I am human too lol.  I was disgusted as he!! that they weren't taking her straight back.  In my opinion, an 80yr old woman with a history of strokes (that again, we never knew she'd had while she was having them), had a month ago been hospitalized for a TIA, and had been vomiting for getting close to 48 hours, had a "real bad" (her words) headache, and her top number of her BP when triaged was over 200 should have trumped a new mom who's stomach hurt and had a temperature of 99.7.  -Yes, I have been trained to triage.  Remember, I had only been 4 months away from sitting for Ohio State Nursing Boards when I had to drop out of school due to my then-husbands job requiring us to move out of state. I also AM a Nationally Certified Clinical Medical Assistant.  

They made us sit in the waiting room for I don't know, maybe about 15-20 minutes and then they came out and called for her, and took us to a room.  The nurse comes in and I go through her back story once again.  They started an IV on her and then someone from the lab came in and drew some blood.  A little bit later, the nurse came walking back in, with his phone ...radio ...I'm not sure what it is they were using to communicate, but it was on like speaker phone and ringing.  A girl answered and he told her "I'm letting you know that I'm on the way to you with a patient that needs a STAT CT scan of the brain".  He looked at me then and said "I'm taking her down for a STAT CT then I'll bring her back.  Give us about an hour".  He was saying all this as he was kicking the brakes off the bed and already half out of the room with her. I got up to go outside and update my family as he was pretty much running down the hallway with her bed.  

I waited outside for about an hour then came back in.  She had just gotten back to her room and there were 2 girls in there with a machine, and told me to step out for just a minute that she was getting ready to do a chest x-ray.  I stepped back out as far as she was, and she took the x-ray and they left.  I sat down in the room and Mom told me she had just gotten back.  I don't think it was even 10 minutes after that, the doctor came in.  This was the first time we had met her. She hadn't been in once yet to talk to, or access mom herself.  

When the doctor entered the room she said hello and what her name was.  She grabbed the stool and sat down beside Mom's bed and said "Well, she's had a pretty major stroke. It happened in her cerebellum".  I explained how on the 4th of July when I had her out there, the doctor had told us that she'd "had some strokes" in the past and then TIA on the fourth.  She started shaking her head and said "We compared her scans tonight to those, and this is new".  I literally was shocked once again.  I said, "It's showing a new stroke since she was here on the fourth?  I even had her at FCH Sunday night, technically Monday morning and they did a CT and told us it was just a virus and sent us home"!!  She said, "Ok, so she DID have a CT at FCH then?" I told her yes.  She said, "Well, she had to have had the stroke Sunday night when her symptoms first started around 10pm then because it takes at least 6hrs for a stroke to show on a CT scan.  So if it were showing when FCH did the CT, they wouldn't have just sent her home saying it was just a virus.  I am really sorry, but that was Sunday night and we're at Tuesday evening now so we're way, way past the time frame to be able to give her tPA.  We're definitely admitting her to keep an eye on her though".  I said I would stay with her until they took her up to a room.  

I can't even tell you what time all of this took place, but after waiting and waiting for them to take her to a room I asked a nurse that came in to give her some Zofran, trying to stop the vomiting, if she had any idea how much longer it would be until she was taken upstairs to a room.  She started shaking her head no and said, "It all just depends on how quickly they discharge patients and get the room ready up there".  I said, "Wait, it depends on how fast they discharge patients?  They won't be sending anyone home this late would they?  You mean she may be in the ER all night?"  She told me "Unfortunately yeah, I'm pretty sure she probably will be right here over night".  At that point, I think it was around 11pm or maybe even midnight? I'm just not sure. I told her and Mom that I originally was going to wait until they took her up to a room, but there was no way I'd be able to stay there overnight sitting up in those hard, tiny ER cubicle chairs. I said I was going to go home but would be up to see her in the morning.

The next day, my dad went up there in the morning.  He's usually up every day anywhere from 5:30am-7:30am.  With my insomnia, there's been days where I'm just laying down to try to get a couple of hours of sleep in when he's just getting up to start the day haha!   When I got up, I called him and asked if Mom was still in the ER or if they got her into a room.  He said she was still in the ER.  I told him that I'd get woken up, then get around and come up there.  

When I arrived, my Dad and my oldest son were there and my Mom still was in the ER!  Shortly after I got there, they came in and said they were taking my mom for an MRI.  Dad and Cody waited until she came back to her "room" and then told her goodbye. My son had to get back to work, and my Dad told her he'd be back up that evening to see her.  I had planned to go ahead & leave too, and door dash there in Findlay for a little bit, then stop back in to check on her and be with her, after dashing before I headed home.  It dawned on me then, "Wait! She has dementia, she's just had a pretty major stroke, and no one will be here when those results come back. She'll never remember what they said about them probably so I better just stay here until we get the results".  Thank God I did!  It was really fast, that this guy came into the room.  He introduced himself as the head ER charge nurse and said that after seeing Mom's MRI they called him down.  He said that the MRI showed that Mom had originally had an ischemic stroke and that they had given her heparin last night to try to break up the clot but that it didn't work. He said it had now converged into a hemorrhagic stroke.  I said, "You mean she is still actively bleeding?"  He said "Yes, she is still actively bleeding. Our doctor is on the phone right now with the neurologists from ProMedica Toledo Hospital.  We sent her scans to them and they said she's actively bleeding and they want us to transfer her up to them. So they called me down here to explain what's going on and for me to get the transfer going". 

Selfie I took of Mom and I while waiting for life flight to get there.  Please excuse the tears that are blinding my eyes.  They weren't running down my cheeks so that was a WIN in my book for me!

Hearing that your mother is still actively bleeding, basically laying there stroking out in front of you, is absolutely terrifying. He and I were down at the foot of her bed and I was facing him, my back to my mother. I didn't want her to know how scared and upset I was, but when he told me that it took everything in me not to just crumple to the floor.  Choking back tears I whispered "What will they do?  Will she have to go into surgery for them to try to remove the clot or what? Is she going to die?"  He said, "Well they have a few different interventions they can do up there, but I would prepare yourself that there's a good chance that they might need to take her to surgery, and it's really hard to say if she'll survive or not but you might want to prepare yourself for the worst".  At that moment I couldn't stop the tears from sliding out of my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. I told him I was sorry, but I was gonna have to step outside for a minute to pull myself together and call my dad and my kids.  He said he completely understood. I was probably 10 steps outside of the hospital ER doors when I heard someone running and yelling "Ma'am? Ma'am?" so I stopped and turned around.  It was the charge nurse again.  He said "Our doctor just got off the phone with ProMedica and the neurologists there don't want to take the time to bring her by ambulance.  They just want us to get her there so they said to call life flight.  She will be life-flighted so this all is going to be happening pretty fast.  Go ahead though and take the time you need and make your calls though".  He could tell by the look on my face that I was about to completely lose it and said "Are you ok?" to which I replied not able to choke the SOBS back anymore, "She's going to die, isn't she"?  He hugged me and said, "I'm so sorry".  I pulled away and went to my car.  

I pulled myself together, but my youngest daughter and her fiance had just been getting ready to leave to head to Findlay to see Mom, right before I got her MRI results, so I knew I had to call her to get her stopped.  I thought of this AFTER I pulled myself together as best as I could and was walking back into my mom's "room".  Mind you, my mom has always been petrified to fly!  She is 80 years old and has never once built up the courage to get on a plane.  I was scared to have her find out she was going to have to go by life flight.  I was afraid that she would be so scared, that it would cause her BP to run even higher than the 193 to 200-something (top number) that she'd been running the entire time we'd been there and would just completely stroke her out.  I told her ER nurse (not the charge nurse) and asked if we could give her some Ativan or something to calm her before we told her.  He agreed with me that it probably would be a good idea that he'd go talk to the doctor.  Now remember, I have never even MET this daytime ER doctor and only saw the doctor that dx'd her stroke once!  So I had seen and talked to ONE doctor, ONE time, in the 19-20 hours she'd been laying in their ER.  The nurse told me at that time, that life flight would be there in about 20 minutes.  

I called Courtney and told her not to head to Findlay, that life flight was on its way to get her and take her to Toledo.  She did what my first reaction to do had been.  She started losing her $hit!!  She kept saying through sobs, "People don't survive a hemorrhagic stroke Mom, and especially someone who's 80!  What do you mean life flight will be there in about 15 minutes so not to come?  You mean I can't even see my grandma again for one last time"?  By this point, she was really loud and really crying.  I know how close she is to my mom and I myself figured she would never get to see her grandma alive again.  I can't even tell you what else she was saying because I just kept saying "Courtney.  Courtney.  Courtney." getting louder each time.  I kept trying to tell her to pull her $hit together. She finally actually stopped & heard me.  I told her IF she could stop & pull herself together I would video call her so she could see and talk to Mom before life flight got there.  I told her if she did NOT get herself together that I wouldn't video call her.  I did NOT want my mom to see ANYONE scared enough that they were crying & basically hysterical.  I wanted nothing but positivity surrounding her and didn't want her any more scared than she already had to be.  For my mom, we ALL had to keep it together as best we could in front of her.   I told Courtney that I was hanging up now, and I'd give her a few minutes then I'd video call her.  She said ok.  I waited a few minutes, then called and she got to see and talk to Mom.  

The nurse was in there at that time, and right after I hung up, the life flight team came in.  It was immediately apparent that the older lady, probably around my age, was the one in charge.  I don't know if she was a doctor or a nurse or what but she was most definitely in charge and was literally BARKING at the BVH nurse.  In all honesty, she was scary as he!! to me haha. -At that point anyway.  She was asking the nurse questions.  She wanted to know why he was just getting ready to give my mom a shot of Ativan.  He explained what I had told him about mom's fear, and that the doctor ok'd the dose.  She quickly and meanly started barking out all of the reasons why Ativan should NOT be given at this point and said it pi$$ed her off that the doctor there would even ok it.  So then she really started asking a lot of questions.  -Why did you do this test? Why didn't you do that test? Why did you give this medication?  Why didn't you give that medication? She asked why Mom's BP was that high & said "Why isn't she on a drip?".  I timidly spoke up and said "Well since yesterday when we got here..." and she cut me off yelling, "Yesterday?  She's been HERE since yesterday?" I nodded my head and said, "Yes I got her here somewhere around 6pm yesterday".  She said, "She's been here, in this ER, since yesterday?" to which I again nodded my head yes, even though I knew the question was rhetorical and that whoever this lady in charge was, was not happy at all. In fact, she was downright LIVID!  I told her that the ER charge nurse had told me that they hadn't given her anything to bring down the blood pressure "Because that might be helping.  The extra pressure of it running high might just be putting enough pressure on those vessels to keep the bleeding slowed. If we lowered her BP, it may end up letting that bleed really let loose".  If I could only describe the look of anger on this lady's face.  Her arms were crossed over her chest and her foot and hip were cocked out.  Her head was down and to the side a little bit and she just started shaking her head and said "No, that's a bad move.  It doesn't work that way". 

Her crew then lifted Mom from the ER bed to the life flight bed. I knew it was time for me to go, even though there was no way I would ever make it to Toledo by the time Mom got there. I told the team that I just needed to give my mom a kiss before I left.  I kissed her and kept saying how much I loved her and how strong she was. I said "You've had a major stroke but you can still talk, your face isn't droopy, you can move and use both of your arms and legs and hands.  You're winning!! YOU are amazing.  You're a miracle and you're the strongest woman I've ever known.  Just look at everything that you've beat over the years!  Dad wants me to come home and ride up to Toledo with him.  You're going by helicopter, so you'll be there before we can get there but I will see you in Toledo!  Dad and I will be there for you.  Don't be afraid to fly either Mom, I promise you it's really fun".  

As I turned away from her and headed out of the cubicle, I couldn't help but for the tears to now come sliding down my cheeks. I still was able to stay silent though, and not sob. As I approached the scary lady, she became not so scary.  She stopped me and reached up and hugged me.  She hugged me tight for at least 30-45 seconds and she whispered in my ear to me, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that they've fuc$ed this up the way they have".  It dawned on me instantly that this lady is NOT scary.  This lady just knows her $hit and truly CARES about her patients.

Mom August 12, 2023 at ProMedica Toledo Hospital Neuro ICU

On the drive back to my house, to ride to Toledo with my father, I told my BFF "I just had to drive away from my mom, for what probably will be the last time I ever see her alive again.  She's probably going into emergency surgery as soon as she gets there and we won't be there yet, and she probably won't survive the surgery. My mom is probably dying, and I know she's scared, and she's petrified of flying and I just had to drive away, leaving her all alone.  That shatters my heart to know she's scared and alone".  I knew she had a life flight crew, but alone as in nobody with her that loves her and cares about her that she knows & trusts. I used the drive home, to go ahead and let myself cry and be hysterical, but knew I had to have it together by the time I got home.  My dad is a pretty non-hysterical type of person and doesn't believe in crying.  He doesn't think anyone should cry.  I didn't want yelled at by him for being so upset, on top of how upset I truly was. So I pulled it together again.

My uncle, Mom's brother, was already at the hospital by the time I got to my house.  As Dad and I were walking out to get in the car, he called me.  He said that she was still in the ER being assessed and that they wouldn't allow him back with her.  He said that she had already been admitted to a room in Neuro ICU, so they made him go upstairs and wait in the Neuro ICU waiting room so just to come straight up there. I told him yeah, that they had given me the room number for her while she was still at BVH.  When we were almost there my daughter Courtney called me.  She and her fiance got there probably around 30-45 minutes before we made it there.  She said that she had pushed the button and asked a nurse for an update since nobody had heard anything and it had been like 2hrs since Mom had arrived.  She said the nurse told her that mom was stable and was currently getting a CT scan.

Shortly after Dad and I got there a nurse came out and said that we could see Mom now, 2 at a time.  Now, get this ....they said that Mom was NOT actively bleeding!!  My mouth LITERALLY fell open, you guys!  I said no, they told me that she had an ischemic stroke that converged and that she now has a hemorrhagic stroke, that she's actively bleeding.  She was shaking her head no.  She said, "No, it did NOT converge. She isn't actively bleeding. I don't know who read her results and said she was actively bleeding, but I'm really sorry that was communicated to you". I said, "The charge nurse at  BVH told me that they sent you guys her scans and you guys looked at them and said it had converged and she was actively bleeding to get her to you now and by life flight".  She said, "Nobody from here told them that so I am really sorry that you've just had to go through that". 

From this right here, I learned that a person CAN be extremely angry, yet extremely thankful, at the exact same time lol.  Now, Mom is still as of today, Sunday, August 13, 2023, in Neuro ICU.  She has been under watch for possible emergency surgery to remove a portion of her skull to relieve pressure from swelling in her brain.  As of Saturday, August 12, 2023, they removed the arterial line because she had been SO stable.  I was again warrened though, about how quickly someone in her position "could" deteriorate, but that she was doing good holding steady so long.  Today, August 13th, they finally had her work with PT for the first time.  They got her up and into the chair in her room.  She sat in the chair for an hour and a half!  They told me that right now she does lean to the side when sitting.  They wedged a pillow on her to try and help her sit without leaning.  She's still flunking the swallow study, so she's still being fed via NG tube.  They told me that speech pathology will work with her though, and help her build those swallow muscles back up again.  -To hear my mom literally beg for "just one sip of something cold" or "A great big cup of ice cubes" and have to withhold it from her, really hurts me. I keep explaining to her why she can't have it yet, while also trying to reassure her that the SLP will have her swallowing again in no time! lol

To say I've been on a week-long mental rollercoaster ride is an understatement.  I'm in a huge fibro flare from the stress and anxiety.  My middle back hurts so bad sitting here that I literally am nauseous.  I get areas of tingling in my body.  My head hurts. I can't begin to explain how COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED I am right now mentally and physically both, from the fibro flare that the stress has caused.  I'm just absolutely exhausted. Anyone with fibro knows though, that with fibro you wake up each day, every bit as tired as when you went to bed.  Now add in my worst fibro symptom, insomnia, and try to figure out how tired I am. 

It's already 2:54am Monday morning and I STILL haven't even been able to turn on a tv show to listen to, while I play mindless games on my phone.  That is the distraction technique and one I have to use normally each night anyway.  With all I have going on right now, I need it for that too lol. I'm going to sign off now, to try to be able to do that and still get a little sleep.  -It's SO scary to me to sleep right now, as I'm always afraid I'll be woken up by my phone ringing with the hospital saying she took a bad turn south on us. But I really do need to try to get a little sleep.  Our lawn guy will be here mowing around 9:30-10am.  So if I can unwind in the next hour to an hour and a half I can still catch a few Zzzz's lol. 

Ya'll know the motto of this blog.  "Never Give Up HOPE.  Without HOPE, you don't have anything"!!  Even though I always live my life by this motto, I literally have been CLINGING to it for the past 1 week.  So my fellow froggies, remember to Never give up HOPE!  Also remember, always try to educate and advocate about fibromyalgia.  I still believe that education is key and is what will unlock funding for future research.  I still live with the HOPE, that someday a cure will be found!   

 

Did You Know That Fibromyalgia Weakens The Immune System?

How Fibromyalgia Weakens the Immune System

If you have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, you know that the pain and fatigue associated with the condition can be overwhelming. However, did you know that Fibromyalgia can also weaken your immune system, leaving you more vulnerable to illnesses and infections? In this blog post, we'll explore how Fibromyalgia impacts your immune system and what you can do to protect yourself.

What is Fibromyalgia?

Most of you reading this, already know what Fibromyalgia is.  Most of you that's reading this, live with fibro.  For those that are new to the word, or new to the diagnosis though, I'm going to add just a few little facts.  

Fibromyalgia is a disorder that causes chronic pain and fatigue. It is estimated that about 10 million people in the United States are living with Fibromyalgia, the majority of them being women. Fibromyalgia is often associated with depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. It is also linked to sleep disturbances .....oh, don't even get me started on THAT little comorbidity of fibro.  It's my biggest monster that I face with my fibro lol .... headaches, cognitive memory delays (commonly referrred to as "fibro fog") and other physical problems.

Fibromyalgia is a complex condition, and the exact cause is unknown. It is thought to be related to a misfiring of the central nervous system, which can lead to heightened sensitivity to pain, fatigue, and other symptoms.  All of the "unknowns" about Fibromyalgia, is what pushes me to read, research, and ADVOCATE for more research.  WE deserve answers.  WE deserve a cure.  WE deserve at the very least, a concrete universal treatment plan, that works for everyone!  

Now that we have that all out of the way, let's move on and talk about Fibro and the immune system.  

How Fibromyalgia Affects the Immune System

Fibromyalgia can weaken your immune system in several ways. One is that it can lead to an imbalance in the body's hormones, which can cause a weakened immune system. Additionally, people with Fibromyalgia often experience depression, anxiety, and stress, which can further weaken the immune system. Finally, the chronic fatigue associated with Fibromyalgia can make it difficult to get enough sleep, which is essential for a healthy immune system.

This weakened immune system can leave people with Fibromyalgia more vulnerable to illnesses and infections. People with Fibromyalgia may find themselves coming down with colds and other illnesses more often than other people and may also find that their symptoms last longer.

What You Can Do to Protect Yourself

While Fibromyalgia can weaken your immune system, there are steps you can take to protect yourself. First and foremost, it's important to get enough sleep. This can be difficult for people with Fibromyalgia, but try to stick to a regular sleep schedule and make sure you're getting at least seven to eight hours of sleep each night. It's also important to eat a healthy, balanced diet and get regular exercise.

In addition, there are some supplements that may help to boost your immunity, such as Vitamin C, Vitamin D, and probiotics. Finally, if your doctor recommends it, you may want to consider taking an immune-boosting medication to help protect your body from illnesses and infections.

Takeaway

Fibromyalgia can weaken your immune system, leaving you more vulnerable to illnesses and infections. However, there are steps you can take to protect yourself, such as getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, and taking immune-boosting supplements. With the right care and self-management, you can help keep your immune system strong and protect yourself from illnesses.

It's been a long 12 years for me since I was first diagnosed, and I can still clearly remember how scared I was.  Then how sad I was.  Then how angry I was.  I can almost even still "feel" my heart racing not understanding how I could have something there wasn't a cure for.  Something that they didn't even have a solid treatment plan for, that works for everyone!  Allowing myself to still "feel" what I felt in those first few days, weeks, hours, is what still pushes me forward for all of us.  People shouldn't have to feel that way.  To this day, not enough people (medical professionals included here, for sure!) really know what Fibromyalgia is, or how it truly affects those of us that live with it.  We need to do better, to educate more people on it.

Conclusion

I had to take a break from blogging for a few years, to work on myself.  Those of you who've been around here for years, know a lot of what I've been through.  Finally, after being separated 12 years now, I should be a divorced woman!  I'm just waiting on a judges signature and the final order to arrive by certified mail!  For those of you new to TFF, yes I had a scumbag for a husband who used my diagnosis as an excuse to walk out saying that he couldn't deal with the stress that MY lifetime illness would cause him.  

My marriage ending though, was truly just the beginning of my life.  I just didn't know it at the time.  At the time, I was completely devestated.  Every single thing I've accomplished since then though, I never would have done had my marriage stayed intact.  I started pouring my entire soul into research of Fibromyalgia and writing about it.  I went to a vocational school and became a Nationally Certified Clinical Medical Assistant. I've been a contributing author to many online health magazines, and articles for the National Fibromyalgia Association.  I was interviewed by CNN and Everyday Health's Dr. Sanjay Gupta and a few articles were published as a result.  The issue of Teen Vogue that talked about Lady Gaga having Fibro, contains a quote from me within the article.  Healthline awarded me many years straight, as a top Fibromyalgia blogger.  I had a full RNY Gastric Bypass and lost well over 100 pounds. I've had my gallbladder removed, a hernia repair, and exploratory surgery. I had a breast reduction and lift to get rid of the extra skin from the weight loss.  I was on a television show on TLC.  Most of all though, I learned through rediscovering myself, that my purpose in this life is to help others.  Just like I had been through blogging.  I gained my self-esteem back after decades of mental abuse.

Through these past 12 years of reading and researching and talking to medical professionals I learned a lot.  I learned a lot of natural (meaning non-medication) ways to help myself deal with the pain and sicknesses I have.  Discovering my true life passion of wanting to help others, I've taken a lot of certification courses so that I can start helping others learn to take control of their lives back again,too.  I can only do so much, with just writing blog posts. I yearned to do more.  To be a bigger asset to those not only within the chronic pain/chronic fatigue community, but also within the LGBTQIA+ community.  I myself am heterosexual, but I have so SO many friends that are within the LGBTQIA+ community.  I have a "kid" (he was my youngest daughters BFF) that is homosexual, that I truly consider a son of mine.  -It doesn't take blood to make family, folks!  I've found that many homosexual and transgender people have sought me out, needing to talk.  Some needing assurance that it's OKAY to be themselves.  Some needing a little help with coming out.  Some, deal with chronic pain/chronic fatigue illnessess too, just like I do!  I have had so many people regardless of family style, age, sexual orientation, etc reach out to me asking for advice & help navigating this thing called life. 

So the certifications I've gained, and the techniques I've learned, are beneficial to just about anyone out there!  Daily, I use a combination of the techniques I've learned, to help me cope with my chronic pain and fatigue.  My stress and anxiety.  My self-esteem issues, and road rage haha! I really don't know how I lived without them. In all honesty, I wasn't living. I was pretty much stuck in the "flight or fight" mode all day every day. I was scared. I was in horrible pain.  I was angry and resentful.  I'm here today to tell you though, that I TOOK MY LIFE BACK!!  I'm here to help YOU take your life back, too!  You CAN do it!  

I'm currently accepting new clients, and all sessions are via Zoom.  I'm a certified meditation facilitator & coach, NLP Practioner, Emotional Intelligence Coach, LGBTQIA+ Ally & Coming Out Specialist, and Master Life Coach!  -I'm telling you all, combinations of all of these practices along with CBT has given me control over my life again.  Let me help YOU gain control of your life back too!

Contact me here through the blog, on FB at: My Facebook Page

On My Twitter Page

Or on My IG Page 

You can find a variety of pin boards, loads of recipes I used post-gastric bypass, inspirational quotes, etc on my Pinterest Page

As always, Never give up HOPE, because without HOPE you don't have anything! -And remember YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS!! -Let's work together to build a better, happier, and healthier YOU!

NEVER Give Up HOPE

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I'll never stop saying it.  NEVER Give Up HOPE.  Without HOPE, we don't have anything!  

Find more support on the blog's facebook page, just click the following link: The Fibro Frog On Facebook

April's Off To A Great Start With Play2Shop

I've been in flares with pain, insomnia, and depression for weeks now, so I've been spending a lot of time on the game site to help me take my mind off of things.  Here it is only April 1st, and I've already accumulated 4 first place tournament wins, and 2 auction wins.  I had several 2nd and 3rd place tournament wins for points too that doesn't show in the "rewards" section of my dashboard.  Take a look at the screen shot below, to see what my wins are so far, when the month has just begun!

If you'd like to play FREE games without any downloads, shop for cash back, use free points you earn from playing games to bid on auctions, trade in points for rewards, or have something to do to take your mind off pain or pass the endless hours of insomnia, then click HERE to sign up FREE!  Make sure you verify your email address after you sign up!  If you don't see the email verification in your email, make sure to check your spam folder!  I honestly can't tell you what a blessing, for many reasons, P2S has been for me!!

Friends Help Friends Sleep Better Contest

Who better needs sleep then those of us with Fibromyalgia, right?!  This is one contest that I'm happy to bring to you, in hopes that one of you will be a winner!  Insomnia is the one thing that's completely killer to me with having Fibro.  If I could get more (and better quality) sleep, then I'm sure I wouldn't be in as much physical pain as I'm in.  

Bedtime Network is a site that's chalk full of articles and tips on promoting better sleep.  Not only is the site a wonderful resource, but they're also sponsoring a wonderful giveaway to help you start getting better sleep!  They're hosting the Friends Help Friends Sleep Better Contest!  Check out these awesome prizes!

One grand prize winner will receive a free personalized consultation with six bedtime network experts!

They'll help you create a personalized bedtime ritual that will help to promote sleep!  Bedtime Network isn't stopping there though, check out the awesome first and second place prizes they're also giving away!

They're going to give three lucky first place winners a Bedtime Beats iHome and Clock Radio, and they're going to give five lucky winners a copy of the award-winning music series, Bedtime Beats - The SEcret To Sleep, along with a pair of bedphones -headphones that are designed for sleep!

This contest is open to U.S. residents ages 18 and over!  Enter on the form below, and goodluck!!

*The Fibro Frog is not responsible for choosing winners or for shipping and/or distribution of prizes.  

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Could You Pass The Rootbeer, Please?

Early this past Sunday morning, I woke up and was swallowing over and over to try and keep from throwing up.  Thank goodness that it's only about 4 giant leaps from the edge of my bed, to my toilet.  I moved quicker then I have in years!  I ended up grabbing the trash can and taking it back to my bed.  It's a kitchen sized can, 13 gallon.  It was the perfect height to match the top edge of my bed.  

From that moment on, all I did was hang my head over, with my eyes still shut, and got sick.  Over and over and over.  At 4:30pm Sunday afternoon I finally managed to crawl from my bed, to my computer chair.  I was only up for 3.5 hours before I had to go back to bed.  To say I was sick, was an understatement. Honestly, I laid on my side, crying, and telling myself that death may be a welcomed distraction willing myself not to vomit any more.  I couldn't remember when I'd ever been so sick.  I vomited so much, and so hard, that I lost my voice.  All I could do until today, was croak out a soft, raspy whisper.  Even yesterday when my parents called to make sure I was still alive see if I was feeling better, they couldn't make out what I was trying to say to them on the phone.

So, we've all heard this talk about spoons.  Most of us have read The Spoon Theory (which is wonderful, btw) and understand that we only have so many spoons each and every day to work with.  With the roasting hot sweating, then chilling, then vomiting, then groaning, then having my hip or shoulder start hurting from laying in bed so long so I'd have to slowly move while demanding praying that movement didn't make me vomit anymore, my spoons were gone.  Quickly.  My spoons for Monday were also gone.  In the blink of an eye.  Pretty much I've figured out, my spoons for this entire WEEK are gone. 

Today is the first day that I've felt slightly human again.  Good news, right?!  Well, I thought it would be good news, but no.  Now, I've been fighting a headache (possibly a sinus headache) the entire day and night.  It starts getting late and my crappy insomnia rears it's ugly head.  My neck and shoulders are throbbing.  I walked out to the kitchen to get a glass of ice water, and my mid-back had me blinking back tears of joy pain all the way back to my computer chair.  -Don't forget, my computer chair is the only seat I have in this entire house that doesn't kill my back to sit in.  My knees make me cuss under my breath holler a loud "OUCH" every time I stand.  The front of my upper legs, are throbbing with pain. I just took two Tramadol pain pills, and two Tylenol.  I also took 100mg of Amitriptyline.  Why am I whining and complaining telling you all this?  I'm telling you all this, because I'm sick of it.  Come on, I couldn't have ONE dang day and night where I didn't hurt so bad that I could lose my mind scream?

Same crap, different day.  Horrible pain flare.  Horrible insomnia flare.  I can't lie, I have had a few days here and there since April where I wasn't in excruciating, mind blowing, blood curling pain, but I've had a ton of flares, that last and last before getting a break.  Insomnia, on the other hand, has been a horrible, vile, viscous monster since April.  Every night, I sit here so tired I could literally cry.  I sit here in pain.  I take 100mg of Amitriptyline then sit and wait for it to ever kick in so that I may get a few hours of sleep.  I take the tramadol and most of the time either Tylenol or Ibuprofen in addition, then sit and pray that it at least dulls some of the deep muscular and joint aches and pains, so that I can fall asleep when the Amitriptyline kicks in. My fibro fog has been so bad this week, that I've forgotten my daytime meds two or three times.  I'm just sick to death of it all!  I feel like all I do is eat pills, sit and wait, pray they work.

Do you want to know something else that pisses me off makes me mad?  No matter what it is that someone in my household gets, I get it a hundred-million-trillion times worse then they do.  If one of my kids has a mild cold, I get bronchitis.  If one of my kids gets bronchitis, I get pneumonia.  No joke.  I sick so much easier, and so much worse, then anyone around me.  I swear, every time that I go somewhere that's super crowded I get sick.  It doesn't matter how many times I wash my hands.  It doesn't matter how many gallons bottles of hand sanitizer I use, I get sick.  A week ago Saturday we went to Fort Rapids Resort and Indoor Water Park.  We left for home Sunday, late afternoon.  One week later, this past early Sunday a.m. is when I started vomiting from some nasty bug.  

This 3am bs crap?  Yeah, it's 3am when I'm lucky, has got to stop.  I know that's part of my problem.  Did you realize insomnia lowers your immune system?  Yep, it's true. It really does.  If you do a google search on the topic, you'll get more information about it then you'd ever believe you could.  Just for a quick reference though, check out THIS link for some information on it from The Mayo Clinic.  Did you also know that studies have proven that insomnia causes depression?  Check out THIS article from CBS News.  

Now that I'm done whining like a 2 year old about my miserable, crappy life, I'll go on to a more upbeat, positive approach.  EDUCATION IS KEY!  May is Fibromyalgia Awareness Month, but September is Chronic Pain Awareness Month and anyone with Fibromyalgia knows that chronic pain is a huge part of their daily lives.  Having all these "awareness" months honestly seems like a big ole bottle of hog wash to me. If you're going to advocate and try to spread awareness, why in the heck would you just do it one month out of the year? Hmm ....something to think about, isn't it?  If we don't educate the community, the health care workers, the politicians, the pharmaceutical companies, our own FAMILIES & FRIENDS, then how will change ever come about?  We have to stand up and make everyone understand what it's like to live just one week; heck just one day, in our lives.  If anyone knows of a church or a company, an organization or a conference, or even a community, that would be interested in being educated about living with chronic pain & fatigue from a patients view, please send them to me.  I wish I could present my chronic pain seminar somewhere every single weekend.  Even if I had to crawl to the front due to a pain flare, I assure you I'd be there anyway!  Also, if you know of any person, group, business, or organization that would be willing to donate to my chronic pain seminar fund, please give them THIS link.  I'm trying to raise funds to rent conference rooms at large hotels, and advertising money, to present this seminar.  

Thank you all for listening to my whining and ranting.  It feels good to know that I'm not alone out there, but at the same time I hate to know that there ARE people out there who knows where I'm coming from and how I feel.  I hope & pray that someday in the near future we'll have a cure for chronic pain and fatigue disorders.  Or at the very least a standard, universal treatment plan that actually works!  In the mean time, since I can't have a real beer due to all of my meds, could you please pass me a root beer to drown my sorrows in? 

The Never Ending Day

I always hear people complain about Monday being a bad day.  I guess that I'm just not "normal" in any regard, because my Monday went perfectly well (aside from being in a ton of pain from pushing myself last Thur-Sun).  Instead today, Thursday, was like a Monday for me.  As usual, my insomnia has been horrible.  I didn't fall asleep until sometime after 3am last night this morning.  My daughter home schools online through our school district and on Tues and Thurs she goes into the building and does her online lessons in the library that way if she needs any help from a teacher, she has quick easy access to one.  She's a senior this year. She woke me up at 7:10am this morning by coming into my room saying "Mom!  Wake up!  Sasha was starting to throw up so I hurried and got her outside and hooked her to the chain but she just laid down on her side and white foamy vomit is coming out of her mouth!  Is she dying?".  I dutifully get out of bed exclaiming that I don't know if she's dying or not.  Walk outside to see her standing there perfectly fine, wagging her tail at me.  -Oh Sasha is my baby, I mean, my puppy that my parents got me after my husband walked out on us.  I laughed at them and asked "Consolation prize?" lol.  Anyway, I brought her back in and flopped myself down into my computer chair.  I was so tired that my vision was blurry and my head was killing me.  Daughter exclaims that she has to leave for the bus stop (2 houses down from us).  

Five minutes after she left, I hear her coming back onto the front porch.  She came inside and said that our neighbor lady is sitting on the porch and told her that she'd missed the bus.  I wanted to choke call the bus garage to ask them why in the world the bus came 20 minutes earlier then they'd told us it would be here.  I just honestly didn't have the strength to deal with calling anyone and complaining though.

My daughter got a ride to school, and by this time I know there's no way in heck that I'm going to get back to sleep.  My insomnia is honestly horrible!  No matter how tired I am, I just toss and turn and my body starts hurting until I just give up and crawl out of bed.  There wasn't any use in trying, so instead I drag myself walk to the kitchen needing to make coffee.  Now, my Keurig Platinum Edition had broke on me like 3 weeks after my husband walked out of our lives.  Oh how I coveted liked that Keurig.  After "hubby" leaving me out of the blue and not paying me any support, a new coffee maker just wasn't in the budget.  A lovely, caring friend bought me a Mr. Coffee machine.  I threw a coffee filter in, filled it with coffee, quickly measured the water and poured it in, and hit that power button.  I grabbed a coffee cup, threw in some sugar, a little milk, then I stood there looking at the machine begging and pleading for it to hurry up and make enough coffee to use the "sneak a cup" feature and get my first cup of java.  Thankfully after what seemed like a thousand years I was able to pour a cup.  

I made my way back into the dining room and flopped down in my computer chair again.  -More like slowly sat down saying some curse words "ow oww oww's" under my breath.  I stepped in a broken outlet box of some kind in the lobby floor at Fort Rapids on Sunday.  It twisted my knee and it's just completely done right now.  Standing up, sitting down, walking down steps (one stair at a time like a 2 year old would) is causing me immense pain.  I get sat down, savor the aroma of the coffee as I'm bringing the cup to my ever waiting lips, and sigh as I'm taking a sip of the wonderful smelling, very needed, anxiously awaited coffee.  I swallow then think "what the?!"!  I take my finger and wipe my tongue.  Guess what I wiped off of it?  Yep, coffee grounds.  Really??  That's the thing I dislike the most about standard coffee makers.  If you don't get the filter in there just perfectly, you end up drinking coffee grounds.  Such a mean, cruel joke to my blurry eyed, head throbbing, self.  

After fixing the coffee situation, I sit down again in my computer chair.  This time I'm praying determined that I won't let all of this ruin my day.  I even posted about my morning on my personal facebook status and remained doubtful hopeful that the day would have to get better, it certainly couldn't get worse.  Besides, if I posted it on facebook then it had to be true that it'd get better, because it was "facebook official".  Did you know that if something is posted on facebook, then it has to be right?  My daughter and her friends had taught me that.  I thought I was being a totally hip and cool mom good mom by remembering this and posting it to help my day.

Well, let me tell ya ....apparently that bs saying about something having to be true because it's "facebook official" was nothing but a big lie.  Imagine me forcing a smile smiling, determined that my entire day wasn't going to be ruined by lack of sleep and problems from the morning, walking into my bedroom.  I stop, flip on my light and Holy Mother I gasped right out loud.  My bed, my floor, my ROOM was covered in this whitish/green fluffy material.  I unbelievably frantically start scanning my room.  As my eyes (that made my head hurt worse to move them) reached the top left corner of my bed, I almost started screaming crying.  The corner of my sheet had come off my bed. My four month old memory foam bed.  That I wanted for the last year.  That is the ONLY thing that keeps me from waking up with unrelentless pain.  That I'm still paying on when I don't even have ANY income.  Has a big sized HOLE in it!  I'm standing there horrified and look down to see that stupid "poor, sick puppy" that started this whole mess of a day, proudly looking up at me and wagging her tail.   I tried to regain my composure, as rage filled me.  I seriously didn't know whether to cry, choke scold the dog, or just throw myself down while kicking my feet, pounding my fists, and screaming at the top of my lungs!

After calming myself down a bit, I reasoned that it was partly my fault too, because my bed has a mattress cover that zips around the entire thing and I didn't have it on there.  I had washed it a few days ago and it seriously takes three of us to take it off or put it on.  Therefore, I had it laying on top of my dresser.  I decided on the spot that neither of my dogs are EVER allowed in my room again!  I don't have a real door on my bedroom though.  I have one of those cheap accordian doors on it that you can buy at Home Depot or Lowe's.  The dogs just bash it with their heads, and into the room they go.  I had a cut piece of plywood that comes up to about my knee level (too high for them to jump over it) so I've now blocked off my doorway with that, until I can find the money to buy real door to keep shut!

As I sat here watching the clock waiting on my daughter to get home from school, I decided that there was no way in the world that I was even going to attempt to make a dinner tonight.  She walked in from school and I looked at her with a wild look about me smile and calmly stated that we were going to Burger King for supper tonight and not to argue about it or say a word.  Just to smile, nod, eat, enjoy, laugh, and have a good time with it.  

So, I've decided that tomorrow will be a better day and this time I'm not making it "facebook official".  I'm making it "The Fibro Frog official" instead!  =)  Right now, it's 12:07am and here I still sit.  Still feeling like a slug.  Still in pain.  Still tired.  Still dealing with insomnia.  Tomorrow today though, I'm NOT getting out of bed at 7:10am for ANYTHING!  I shall sleep what I can, and the world will wait for me.  If not?  That's ok too!

Oh!  -That photo above?  Yeah, that is not my mattress, nor my house, nor my photo.  You want to know why?  Because I didn't have enough wits about me when it happened to take a photo of my own mattress.  Had I done that though, I have to say that my photo would be the ONLY photo of a monster  dog chewed memory foam mattress on ALL of Google Images (where I obtained the photo above).  You know what that would mean?  I could've been famous!  I could've had one of those silly photo's with a caption on it that says something dumb silly to make every person and their brother on facebook laugh, "share" and "like" it.  -And that my friends, would have really made it "facebook official".  Yep, honestly, not one other person has ever uploaded a picture of a hole chewed into a memory foam mattress, by a small, 5 pound 1/2 Jack Russell Terrier and 1/2 Pomeranian mixed puppy.  It would've OFFICIALLY been a first.  I missed my calling for fame in my despair.  ;)

Bad Day

Do you ever have one of those days? You know, one of those days that seem bad from the moment you crack your eyes open? Well, that's been me today. I finally fell asleep last night this morning around 5am or so. I heard the kids come home around noon and cracked my eyes open not wanting to move. From there, it just seems as if it's gone downhill.

I haven't been able to stop yawning all day long. As for waking up as tired as when I went to bed? I've been more tired then when I went to bed. My head has killed me all day. I've felt as if someone yanked the plug out of the electrical socket on me. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for more then about 5 minutes at a time, and doing anything has caused extreme pain in my back. My knees? Yeah, I feel and sound like an 80 or 90 year old woman every time I go from a sitting to a standing position. I have to use the arms on the chair to help pry myself up, moaning outloud in pain as I do so. Pain or not, I was bound and determined to make supper tonight. My daughter loves my homemade broccoli, rice and cheese casserole and had asked me to make it for her. Once I had it ready to baked, and shoved it into the oven, I came back in here as quickly as I could with walking hunched over and collapsed into my computer chair. I was gasping from the pain in my back and was near tears. After resting for about 30 minutes I got up and went in to bread and fry the meat. Again, at about 1/2 through, I was in so much pain I couldn't hardly stand it. Trying to hurry, I ended up trying to fry my little finger along with the meat! Yep, while dropping a piece of meat into the boiling, bubbling grease, I stuck my little finger right down into it!! I'm not gonna lie, that made me gasp and say a few curse words under my breath as I was flipping on the cold water in which to drown my finger in. This meat,...this dang breaded and fried in HOT oil meat, was a new recipe. Guess what? It. Was. Disgusting. So, I didn't even burn my finger over something that was good. It wasn't even worth it in the slightest LOL. I took one bite and threw mine away. Yuck! So, I'd been weighing the cost of whether I should print out one copy of all of my seminar handouts then take them to Staples to have all the copies printed or if I should just print them all from home. Since the dead beat....or I mean, the man, that I'm still legally married to hasn't paid me one single penny of child support or alimony since May money has been super tight to say the least. Somehow, he had the money to take himself and his girlfriend to Cedar Point last Saturday, but miraculously he doesn't know "when" he can send my daughter and I any support according to the text her sent her. So, I decided that it may take longer, but would be more cost effective for me in my situation to just print them here at home. A new black printer cartridge is only $11.99 for me, because I buy refurbished. That sounded a ton better to me then paying out $50-$75 for copies at the store. With the day I had been having I should have known better. It printed a few copies, then it said that something was wrong with the ink cartridge. We took it out a couple times and reseeded it, to no avail. I turned it off then back on. Nope, nothing. Still that damn flashing yellow light. We unplugged it and let it sit for awhile. Still nothing. I removed the cartridge once again and used a damp coffee filter with bottled water and wiped the contacts down on the cartridge and inside the printer. Finally! It worked again! The catch? I'd set it for 40 copies and 1 would come out. Yep, one. Do you have any idea how easy hard it is to keep track of how many copies you've printed when you're sitting there clicking the print button ...waiting on the page to print ...dropping it into a pile ...then doing it all again? With a horrible headache? Being in pain and yawning all the while??! I still tolerated it and kept trying to plug along. Next thing I know, it's printing the page as if it's printed over it a hundred couple of times. What was wrong with it this time?? I don't have a clue. I gave up. I threw in the towel on it for now. Maybe I'll try again in a bit. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll find the money to go have the copies made rather then doing them themselves. I don't know. I don't know anything today/tonight! The only thing I do know tonight is that it's been a bad day and I'm sick of it! I'm ready for tomorrow to get here, as it'll have to be a better day, wouldn't it? I opened a new tab, played this song, and wrote this whining, complaining blog post! This song always helps me to feel better when I listen to it and sing along! Oh yeah, be sad I mean happy that this isn't a video post because I guarantee you that I'd never make it as a singer LOL. I do much better at sitting here complaining then I do singing. Alas, it's a feel good song that I love. Well, back to attempt the printing process yet again. I'm quickly running out of time. The seminar is Saturday. Two measly days away. I need to get crackin'!