Well, here we are 18 days before my birthday. The birthday that will mark my 53rd year of life on this earth. 53 years of pain, suffering, learning, joy & happiness. 53 years of figuring out not only what love is, but also what love is NOT. What in the world do I have to show for living 53 years on this earth? I mean, once I'm gone what then? I'll just disappear without a trace?
With the health conditions that I have and more popping up all the time, it truly has had me thinking about death. It's a morbid subject to think about your own death, but one that most people do think about as they start getting older. It sounds dumb, but I seriously wonder how I can be there one moment and then just gone in the next. Yeah I know, that's just how life & death works lol.
Then, I started thinking about DNA. DNA is sooo random. But upon thinking about it I realized that I will never, ever truly just be "gone". I have children. My children have children. Some of those children, will probably have children of their own too when they grow up, and so on & so on. MY DNA is, and will be, in every one of those children.
Just like if you dump a bunch of mixed-color glitter into your hands and blow it. You don't know which color will land where. Will a piece of blue glitter land on the table? Will a piece of gold glitter land on your glass? Will the glitter totally miss landing on your computer? It's a crap shoot! You don't know where that glitter is going to land, but you know it will land somewhere.
Out of 4 children, only one ended up with green eyes like I have. Yeah, I know green is the rarest eye color there is. I feel blessed to have green eyes. I actually love that they're green lol! Where do I get that? I don't know. My dad's eyes are blue. My mom's eyes are hazel. My grandma had brown eyes and my grandpa had blue! But I have green. The DNA of two people created green eyes for me. So far, none of my grandchildren have green eyes. But you know what? Maybe one down the road will have green eyes! -Or maybe, one of their children will have green eyes.
When I'm gone, all of me won't truly be gone! Look to my children. Or my grandchildren. Look to their children or maybe even my great-great-great grandchildren. Some day, you might see a little girl with green eyes. Or a little boy that has a dimple on the left side of his face. Maybe one will immerse themselves into books for friends as I did as a child and teenager, or maybe one will be made fun of in high school for eagerly signing up for any and all English and composition classes they can. The way a head is tilted when they laugh, or the sound of their laugh itself, all may be ME. Me living on inside of them, depending on what particles of my DNA they have, if any. I mean, our DNA is just like random particles flying through the air. Not knowing where they might land. I will never truly be gone though, my friends. I will live on in those that come after me. Somehow, that makes me feel just a tiny bit better. Parts of me will live on & on, forever.
I really hope that when my grandchildren and great-grandchildren are adults, they read some of the stuff I've published. I hope they can learn a little bit about who I really was, and the type of person that I was. I hope that helps them recognize some things about themselves, too! I hope they can know how hard I loved. How every single day I put one foot in front of the other and kept plugging along. How I never gave up on my hopes and dreams. That it's never too late to go for what you want and to always keep reaching for what will make them happy and help them to feel fulfilled in life. There are a few things that my father always told me from the time I was a wee little girl, that I hope my grandchildren learn and believe. One is that a person is never too old to learn. No matter how old you are, you should try to learn at least one new thing each & every day. Even if it's just reading a news article about something, you're learning about something you didn't know before you read that article! The second is that you can have anything in life that you want if you just work for it. Work hard enough, and long enough, and you can have or BE anything that you want! The most important piece of advice I feel I can leave my family and the world with is to never, EVER, give up HOPE! Because what's the motto of this blog? "Never give up HOPE. -Without HOPE, you don't have anything"!! That is the simplest, yet most true piece of advice I can give.
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