Taking My Life Back

I know it's been awhile since I've posted, and I haven't forgotten about you all.  It's just taken every ounce of physical and mental strength I've had, to accomplish what I've been doing.  I had gotten to a point, where I just could not take it anymore.  I was so lonely from not really being out among the living.  I was sad and depressed from living so poor because I couldn't work.  I was sick of not having a way to meet new people and talk face to face with other adults.  Finally, I knew enough was enough and I had to take control of my life back again.  I couldn't live another 30-40 years letting fibro steal all of my joy and happiness.

I thought long and hard about what type of job I thought my body had the best chance of succeeding at.  Then I thought about my likes and passions.  That one was easy for me.  My future job had to be something in the health care field.  Even as a small child, I always wanted to be a doctor or a nurse.  The human body and how it works has always been fascinating to me.  At 45 years of age, I was almost 46 when I decided to take back control of my life, becoming a doctor and the long hours to become one was obviously out lol!  I wasn't sure about becoming a nurse.  Around 12 years ago I was only 4 months away from sitting for state nursing boards when I dropped out to move to another state for my then-husbands job.  

Drawing Blood For The First Time

After researching for a few months, I decided I wanted to become a Certified Medical Assistant.  I would still get to do vitals, injections, draw blood, and read and perform EKG's.  The best part?  I could alternating sitting/standing!  I'd stand to call a patient back to an exam room, then sit while I charted their chief complaint, vitals, history, etc.  It was perfect!  Even more perfect?  I found a program through Ohio Means Jobs, that would pay for my schooling, give me gas cards to get to school, and even pay for my scrubs, nursing shoes, and all equipment I'd need to get started once I finished my schooling!

Knowing that I'm a fast learner, and an attentive student, I enrolled in an extremelly accelerated program.  I really lucked out on the program instructor I got.  She also suffers from chronic pain, and works her butt off at several jobs.  I really look up to her and on the bad days, she motivates me that I can do anything I want to, if I just keep moving!  She also is an extremely intelligent individual, that knows just how to break things down to make it understandable and unforgetable.  I truly don't know if I could have done this without her!  The photo below is the beautiful (inside and out) Keri Materni.  I seriously owe my entire future to this woman!

Each step of the way, my self-confidence grew.  I felt more in control of my life and my future.  I felt that I was worth something to society and to myself again.  Not saying it wasn't hard, but I was beating down fibro like a ninja, each step of the way!

Not only was I proud of myself, but my parents and adult children were also proud of me.  That meant a lot to me, and also helped my self-confidence.  I only missed a few quesitons on my final exam and passed my course with an "A".  My parents wanted to have a celebration dinner for me.  They were so proud!  I wouldn't allow them to though.  Not yet.  I still had to sit for my national certification test, before I was a real, certified medical assistant.  I'd been warned that the test was hard and that a lot of people don't pass it on the first attempt.

Exam day came, and I was a ball of nerves.  I had set up a study session with a few classmates at a restaurant across from the school.  We all met, stuffed our faces, studied, and obsessed on whether or not we were going to pass.  Those nachos I ordered looked (and tasted) divine but I was so nervous that I just picked at them.  -I wish they were infront of me right now, because I'd have no problem devouring them lol!

After the exam, I did the usual of second guessing myself.  I went from thinking I passed, to thinking I failed.  I finally settled on thinking "I probably passed but if I didn't I was real close" haha.  The results could possibly take up to three weeks to be posted online, on the site of the certifying agency.  I handled the not knowing pretty well for the first three days.  After that, each day of not knowing increased my stress and anxiety.  Finally, 10 days after taking the exam, the results were posted.  I logged on expecting it to say "results not finalized" as it had been, but instead was surprised with reading "Passed".  I started shaking and teared up!  I hollered upstairs to my daughter, screaming "I passed!  I passed my exam!"  She came running downstairs and asked what my score was, hugging me.  I told her I didn't even know that I hadn't even clicked to review my detailed results yet lol.  To pass, you had to score at least a 390.  The highest score possible was a 500.  I scored a 477!!  

Then, I called my parents and told my mom she could now plan my celebration dinner lol.  

"She Belived She Could So She Did" -R.S. Grey

I believed I could, and I DID!  I kicked fibro to the curb and took back my life!  It wasn't easy and I'm sure it never will be.  But I'm back in control of my life and my future now.  Fibro isn't controlling me anymore.

If you want something in life, go for it.  With enough will and determination you can achieve anything.  On bad pain and fatigue days, it may be a tough mental battle, but you can do it!  Remember my favorite word?  Hope.  Never give up HOPE!