Fibromyalgia Is A PITA - Literally

"You have a charlie horse where??!"  

"I have a charlie horse in my butt cheek.  When I told you that fibromyalgia is a pain in the butt, I meant it literally!"

Yes ladies & gentlemen, this was a true conversation in my household today. 

 Just that short quote should be warning enough that this post will contain some whining.

Now tonight, or this morning since it's 2:20am, my entire body is screaming in pain.  The top of my shoulders, where they hook onto my neck, seriously feel as if I have metal claws that keep digging in and gripping them, then releasing.  I feel like I have a little invisible Gargoyle sitting on my shoulders.  Of course, I  haven't been helping myself any with the shoulder/neck pain because I keep catching myself having my shoulders all scrunched up and tight.  I don't even realize that I do it. I have to make myself let them down,to where they're supposed to be.

Seeing what a talented, experienced master crafter craft challenged person I am, I got the bright idea to make. yes make all by myself, all of these cute, adorable makes me want to rip my hair out and throw things craft ideas that I found on that time sucking, budget blowing site Pinterest for my daughter in law's baby shower this coming Sunday. First, I finished a tutu for my 19 month old granddaughter last night.  Every. Single. Tutorial. I watched on YouTube or read on a blog said that making this tutu would take right around an hour from start to finish.  They all fibbed! -They obviously haven't been around anyone that's as awesome craft challenged as I am. I started making this gosh darn adorable tutu for a little 19 month old on Friday (I believe anyway.  Thursday or Friday .....&!*&& fibro fog!!)  Just shy of 3 hours, ....yes you read that right three fun and enjoyable stressed, painful hours, I had the first layer of tulle on the blessed thing!  -Now, just in case you don't know, I was putting three layers of tulle on this blessed thing! 

 I didn't stick with just doing a simple tutu attached to a piece of elastic. Or attached to a pretty ribbon.  No, that wouldn't be me.  I always do things the hard way!  I attached the tulle to a stretchy, crocheted headband.  I thought they looked so cute that way.  -Easier for more layers, different lengths, etc.  Boy was I a genious an idiot!  The left side of my neck, my left shoulder, and the right side of my middle back kept spasming. It must have been something to do with the way I was sitting and holding my tutu while making it. I guess I shouldn't complain too awful much, because the second project that I started tonight has everything hurting me.  My shoulders and upper arms are honest to God, almost making me cry with the pain.  That constant non-stop, deep muscular, burning sensation with the occassional, almost rhythmic, sharp stabbing pain thrown in every few minutes. Here's a few pictures of the blessed thing on my granddaughter.  She was incredibly cranky and wouldn't stand for us trying to make the bow in the back pretty, or to fluff her tutu once it was on her. I do have to admit that I hollered Thank You Jesus!! I think it turned out really cute, and I was so proud of myself for doing it when I'm not a crafty person and had never done anything like this before.

The craft I've started next?  Holy moly, if only I was a psychic had a clue, I probably would have never bought the stuff to make it.   Alas like an idiot I spent the money on the supplies so I'll be finishing it! The funny sad thing about it, is this was the craft I was looking most forward to creating. I'm making a wreath, and to make it, you have to cut all of your material into 2x2 inch squares.  My mom lend me this huge plastic mat/board type thing that has inches going across it on all four sides.  She told me to lay my material on it then line this other, much smaller, plastic thingy-ma-jig on top with it matching up to the inches on the big board.  She handed me this thing that looks almost exactly like a pizza cutter and told me to just move over every two inches and then run the pizza cutter looking thing down the slots in the top board. Then, to turn the top board and go across every two inches and run the cutter through the slots again and I'd have all of my 2x2" inch squares cut out easy peasy and quick.

My mom really is a master crafter!  She paints (both oil and acrylic), she crochets, she knits, she sows, she embroiders, ...and she can do  any other craft if she wants to do it.  -She used to have the largest ceramic shop in all of NW Ohio.  She even gave classes to people twice a week. Me?  I didn't get one single drop any of her artistic abilities what-so-ever.  If a straight line was drawn for me, I wouldn't even be able to cut the straight line out!  I can't draw a straight line, to save my life.  -Anyway, the pizza cutter looking thing-a-ma-bob does NOT cut all the way through each and every square.  I ran and re-ran it up and down those dumb slots and still, almost every one of the squares was still connected at some random spot to the square above, beside, or below another connecting square.  

From having to stand up (because the dang board is too big for me to be able to reach the top if sitting), lean over the table and board, then running that dumb cutting tool, my upper arms, shoulders, and neck hurt worse then they ever have.  -Especially the upper arms.  Excruciating, make me gimmace, pain.  I finally gave up on cutting out the squares for tonight.  I'll resume again sometime tomorrow.  Then, I'll have a diaper cake to put together, and a newborn tutu to make for Sophia, then I'll be done until the actual shower on Sunday!

I'm not going to lie, the pain of my stupid defective body fibro honestly has stolen a lot of my joy from me on doing these crafts.  A typical one hour craft took me a couple of days to do.  The pain in my arms tonight is almost unbearable.  I feel like the pain could drive me crazy, and I've been cussing out fibro in my head for hours & hours now.  

Of course fibro affects different people in different way, and to varying degrees of pain and symptoms.  With me, my symptoms most definitely have been progressive over the years.  We traced my fibro pain all the way back to my teens.  To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if it started around the time I was in 4th or 5th grade.  I had to have bi-weekly cortisone shots in both knees due to all the pain I had in them.  I'd lay on the living room floor, curled up and rolling back and forth while crying from the pain I'd have in my knees and legs. I have to keep hoping & praying that some time soon, a cure is found. One has to be found, so I can take my life back.  Because as it is, I don't really have any type of quality.  Some ADL's (activities of daily living) I absolutely can't due anymore do to loss of range of motion, swelling, and pain.

Well ladies & gents, it's now 4:10am.  With my arms hurting as badly as they are, it took me almost 2 hours to write this post!  When the pain got too bad from the typing, I'd take a break.  Feel free to come on over to The Fibro Frog's facebook page if you haven't done so yet.  I'm much more active there, interacting and connection with others dealing with pain issues.  Sending butterfly hugs and soft whispers to all of you.