Put Me Out Of My Misery

OMGosh, felt it definitely is.  This morning it awoke me, feeling like a chain-saw was gouging into my leg.  The weight of the blanket touching it was excruciating.  My leg was so swollen, that blood under the surface of the skin, was ready to break through where the top of my sock was lying.  It's a dark crimson color.  As much as I like that color, it looks pretty ugly in a line on my leg. To lightly brush over it with my hand, felt like a million teeny tiny needles pricking me.  

My eyes feel like thousand pound sandbags are attached to them, trying to pull them closed.  I'm so stinking tired that I can't stand it.  I can't go to sleep though, because my 3yr old granddaughter came to stay with me Thursday evening, and she'll be here until Wednesday.  I thought about calling my son and telling him he has to come pick her up now, but I don't want to give in to Fibro.  My granddaughter is my everything and I haven't been able to see her for about a month.  She makes me happy and gives me a reason to go on.  I'm not letting physical illness steal this joy from me.  It takes everything else.  Besides, I don't want to live my life in bed.  That isn't a life.  It's just existing.

My doctor won't pin the CRPS label in my file.  She said it probably is, but all she knows for sure, is that when I had cellulitis about 1.5yrs ago, the infection caused permanent damage to the nerves and muscles in my leg.  It's the classic symptoms of CRPS, down to the pink, mottled, shiny skin.  Hair doesn't even grow in that area anymore ...not that I'm complaining about that though haha!  

The type of pain that awoke me today was a screaming, angry, more than demanding pain.  It's this type of pain, that allows my HOPE to slip.  This type of pain, makes me wobble on the line of depression.  It makes me think thoughts such as "at least when I die, I'll be out of this misery".  

Once my thought process goes down that line, I start to get angry.  Angry that with all of the advances in modern medicine, there isn't any more known about these types of conditions.  Angry that a medicine hasn't been developed that will treat fibromyalgia, CRPS, CFS/ME, Lupus, RA, and the list goes on and on.  Angry that there isn't a cure.  Angry that not only me, but so many others have to live exist like this for the rest of their long lives.

Every time this happens, it fuels my fire for education and advocacy.  I'm still of the firm belief that if the unaffected world is educated enough on what we go through, then the demand will be high enough for further research.  That private donations for research will come through.  Maybe I'm just living in denial, I don't know.  What I do know, is days like this is what will keep me advocating until the day I die.

On a positive note, I'll leave you with a photo of my 3yr old granddaughter sleeping peacefully the other night ....thank God NOT in pain.

I Need Heat!

I detest asking for any kind of help when it's for personal reasons, but I don't have a choice.  With my health conditions, going outside in the winter is hard enough on me, let alone living in a cold house, without a working furnace.

A couple weeks ago I went to bed with the furnace working fine.  The next morning when I woke up, it was chilly in the house.  I turned up the heat to take the chill off, and nothing happened.  I then realized something was wrong with the furnace.  

I have a friend that lives in another state and her husband owns a HVAC shop.  Her husband called me, and tried to walk me through some steps to see if he could figure out what the problem was.  He deducted that it wasn't something simple and said I'd have to have a technician come look at it.

After posting on a local garage sale site, a certified technician said that he'd repair it for me, just for the cost of parts.  He finally was able to come look at it this past Monday.  It turns out that I need a new inducer motor, control board, and something with my vent for the poisonious gases.  He looked up the price of the parts in front of me, and they're around $900  ...and I do believe that was before taxes.  He said a brand new furnace would run about $2000.  

To say this made me physically sick, is an understatement.  I'm disabled due to chronic neuroimmune health conditions and I live off of $721 a month.  That barely runs my household and buys food.  It's impossible for me to come up with the money on my own.

I contacted our community agencies and there's only one program that could help me out, but I don't qualify because you have to have insurance on your home.  I bought this house at sheriff sale and due to the number of years it sat empty without insurance, plus it's age, the cheapest home insurance quote I could find, was $387 a month.  No way in the world I could afford that, so the house isn't insured.  

I'm using an electric space heater, which scares me to death that it will cause a fire, and an electric blanket.  The heater is keeping it about 56 degrees in here right now, and we have colder weather that moved in today.  Next Tuesday on my birthday, November 18th, the high is only going to be in the 20's.  I live in NW Ohio, and it get's cold here!  

If I can get the money to repair the furnace, I'll do that.  If donations exceed the repair and are enough to replace my old furnace, I'll replace it.  If there's anything beyond that, I'll fix the hole in the roof in my back room, that's letting cold air pour in through it.  

Please help me spread my campaign by sharing it across your social media networks. You can click HERE to view or donate to this campaign.  Thanks so much!

Go Haywire For Haywire Games

With all of the family get-togethers that are coming up for the holiday season, this post could be a life-saver for you!  Read through to the end, to get a special promo code!

WHAT?! You want me to spend time with my family?! That's stressful and painful and long hours of talking about Grandpa's latest ailment - how am I supposed to get through that?! 

Hey, it doesn't have to be that bad. Spending time with your family can be fun, especially if you have the right game to shake things up, get people laughing and enjoying themselves - and not talking about Grandpa's foot fungus! The Haywire Group has just the games for you, this award-winning game company has a great collection of fun family games CLICK HERE FOR HAYWIRE GAMES  including DICEcapades! 2nd Edition DICEcapades and Bodydoodles The Tatoo Guessing Game The Tattoo Guessing Game.

DICEcapades (DICEcapades) is a card game, a dice game, a trivia game, an action game and well, it's just a game with about anything and everything in it, which is why it's perfect for everyone. You may find yourself in a staring contest, answering obscure trivia or balancing dice on your hand while standing on one foot - you never know what your turn will bring (hint: you might want to start working on your hand charades skills!). This game will definitely have you looking forward to spending time with your family and if it doesn't, give your friends a call for a game night, you can all escape your families together. DICEcapades! (DICEcapades) isn't just the luck of the dice - it's also the smarts of the roller. 

Do your kids draw on themselves? Ask how old they need to be to get a tattoo? Are they just plain creative or want to be? If so, you need Bodydoodles The Tattoo Guessing Game (Bodydoodles Tattoo Guessing Game), this popular game for kids will channel that creative energy in a fun safe drawing game where your body is the canvas. It's as easy as drawing a body card and a doodle card, picking the player you want to tattoo and drawing. Using the skin safe markers, a player draws the doodle on the chosen player while all the other players try to guess what is being drawn. Points are earned by the drawer and the guesser. Perfect for get-togethers with friend, sleepovers, birthday parties and anytime a child says, "Mom, I don't have anything to do."
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