Stigma?

Most of the time when I share or upload a picture on The Fibro Frog's facebook page, people share it.  Heck, a lot of times when I make a status saying I'm in pain, that even gets a share or two.  As I was scrolling the facebook page last night I found something interesting.  There was a picture I had shared with a ton of "likes", but not a single re share.  This is the photo:

This photo has 293 "likes" on it, but not one single share?  That really saddens me.  Most of us that have Fibro, also suffer with depression.  It's a very common comorbidity of Fibromyalgia.  I mean, who could remain happy and optimistic and NOT get depressed when their lives as they've always known them is ripped away and replaced by extreme fatigue, forgetfulness, all-over body pain, and a general feeling of malaise?  

Are we willing to talk about our Fibromyalgia, but not about our depression that accompanies it?  Why is that?  Mental illness has always carried a stigma, much like Fibromyalgia has.  Thanks to all of those that have been researching, educating, and advocating a lot of stigma surrounding Fibromyalgia has been alleviated.  Oh we still have a battle ahead of us on that front, but it has come a long way from the time that even most doctors thought it was a garbage can diagnosis.  If people aren't willing to spread the word and educate about mental illnesses too, including depression, then the stigma surrounding these issues will never go away.  

Are people afraid that if they share something like this, or talk about a mental health issue that they're going to be regarded as crazy?  Well allow me to share something with you all.  Everyone is just a little bit "crazy" in their own way.  Anyone is capable of a psychotic break under the right circumstances.  Mental illness of some sort, is a very real possibility in the lives of every human being.  Why is society so quick to judge each other?

I'm here to publicly say that I suffer from depression.  Sometimes severe depression even.  I've had days where no matter how hard I try, tears just slowly roll down my cheeks off and on the entire day and night and I feel like just giving up.  I'm lucky though, because I always seem to be able to muster a little bit of HOPE from deep down within to keep me going.  Some people with depression issues aren't that lucky and have a very sad ending.  

According to PsychCentral.com 50% of those that have chronic pain, also suffer from depression. (CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT THIS)  The NIH estimates that Fibromyalgia affects 5 million Americans aged 18 or older.  Look at all of the other chronic pain conditions out there besides Fibro.  That's a heck of a lot of people, that also suffer from depression.  So why the stigma concerning it?

I'm going to leave you all by saying this: No one should judge another without walking in their shoes.  The less something is talked about, the more it will be judged.  We all have our own problems, but in reality we're all the same.  We're all just trying to make it through life the best we can, and remain as happy and satisfied with our lives as possible.  Please don't be embarrassed if you suffer from depression or any other mental illness.  Talk about it like you would any other health condition you have.  Help end the stigma.  Be a #StigmaFighter!

The Common Cold

The phrase "The common cold" actually makes me chuckle right now.  Common?  Not with me.  I never have anything common wrong with me.  Even something as simple as a "common cold" is not so simple.  My daughter had a cold and yeah, she complained a little about her nose being stuffy/runny and a sore throat, but that was it.  She had it a couple days, it ran it's course, and now she's all better.  I, on the other hand, am now sick.  Not just stuffy or runny.  Down right time-to-consider-going-to-the-ER-to-get-a-breathing-treatment-sick.  My nose IS stuffy and runny, my head hurts, but the most frustrating is the constant 100% of the time wheezing.  Then the coughing that the wheezing causes.  Then the dizziness that coughing brings on.  Then, I start back at the beginning to make the circle again.  On a positive note though, I do not have a sore throat like my daughter did. Lucky me!  =)

Just about every day I feel like I have the flu on some level.  The muscle aches, the fatigue, the joint pain.  Tonight, if I didn't know better, I'd swear I have the flu.  My front thigh muscles are absolutely pulsing and screaming in pain.  My arms feel like they're both weighted down. I've had the flu shot though, and I don't think I'm running a fever.  I just seem to get everything 100 times worse then everyone else I know.  If someone gets a cold, I get bronchitis.  If someone gets bronchitis, I get pneumonia.  

I feel like all I do any more is complain and whine.  That makes me feel bad.  I know that I have to be incredibly annoying to those around me and to my friends online.  This isn't who or what I want to be.  I want to be happy, and laughing, and having fun.  Sometimes I don't think that I even remember what fun was for me.  Then, the memories come back, and I remember having fun.  I remember laughing and being with my friends.  I remember dancing, and doing silly things all in the name of fun.  I feel like I'm this fun-loving person, stuck inside the body of an old person.  I know that I'm not a "spring chicken".  -Oh how I'd love to go back to my 20's and relive my life.  There's so many things I'd do differently.  I'm also not a "old person" yet either though.  I'll be 42 next month.  There should be plenty of time left in my life for me to have fun.  To hang out with friends.  To fall in love and be loved by someone.  None of that will happen though, when I'm always in pain and complaining.   

Have you ever been in such constant annoying pain that you could seriously just scream at the top of your lungs?  Not from the pain being so sharp ...or not so horrible like labor pains, ..but pain so constant that after a week of it you're ready to just scream and lose your mind?  This is where I'm at tonight.  I can always handle pain like this for about a week straight, then I start losing it.  That's when the depression kicks in and I start questioning "why" I'm even still here on earth, if I'm going to have to live every day (or most days) in this kind of pain, and feeling alone, desperate, and isolated. If you "know" me at all through this blog, you know that I don't sugar coat anything.  The reason I don't sugar coat anything, is because I feel it's important for others reading this to know exactly and honestly, how I feel.  It's important to me, so that when someone else is feeling this way, they don't feel alone.  I know what kind of stigma depression carries in the communities.  I know that people who do suffer depression, sometimes feel embarrassed because of it.  If you are reading this and know what I mean, please don't ever feel like that again.  Your feelings are real, and they're valid.  You're not alone.  If people who "look down" upon those with depression had to live a day in our lives, they'd think much differently.  

As most of you know, I'm trying to break out into the public speaking and advocacy world.  Because of this, I've had some people tell me that maybe I shouldn't be so honest, ...that it may hurt me in my new career.  I still stand by what I've said to those people.  What I've said is this; those who read about me, or those who may come to a public speaking engagement that I may have, deserve no less then the truth.  Maybe I "am" going to be looked at in a different light because of my education and advocacy efforts, but if I can't be the real me, then I don't want to be anything at all.  The people who are going to listen to me speak, or read what I write, deserve no less then the truth.  If by being honest I help even one person to not feel alone, or I help one person who isn't sick realize what it's like to be trapped inside a sick body, then my being honest is worth it no matter what some others may think or say about me.

I don't have much to offer anyone, but what I do have plenty of is compassion, empathy, caring, concern, and a willingness to do anything I can, to help whoever I can.  This illness may have stolen my fun and my laughter, but it will never steal my heart.