Just For You Review Link Up

 

Along with Rahab to Riches & The Fibro Frog blogs are hosting a Product/Book Review Link Up. You'll for sure want to take a look at this with the holidays coming! Find some great gifts that you wouldn't have thought of!   Tweet it! Share it on Facebook!  Give it a post on Google +!  Anything you can do to get the word out.     Link Up your review post below.  For now we will not be limiting the posts and review/giveaway combo posts are perfectly fine.      

Put Me Out Of My Misery

OMGosh, felt it definitely is.  This morning it awoke me, feeling like a chain-saw was gouging into my leg.  The weight of the blanket touching it was excruciating.  My leg was so swollen, that blood under the surface of the skin, was ready to break through where the top of my sock was lying.  It's a dark crimson color.  As much as I like that color, it looks pretty ugly in a line on my leg. To lightly brush over it with my hand, felt like a million teeny tiny needles pricking me.  

My eyes feel like thousand pound sandbags are attached to them, trying to pull them closed.  I'm so stinking tired that I can't stand it.  I can't go to sleep though, because my 3yr old granddaughter came to stay with me Thursday evening, and she'll be here until Wednesday.  I thought about calling my son and telling him he has to come pick her up now, but I don't want to give in to Fibro.  My granddaughter is my everything and I haven't been able to see her for about a month.  She makes me happy and gives me a reason to go on.  I'm not letting physical illness steal this joy from me.  It takes everything else.  Besides, I don't want to live my life in bed.  That isn't a life.  It's just existing.

My doctor won't pin the CRPS label in my file.  She said it probably is, but all she knows for sure, is that when I had cellulitis about 1.5yrs ago, the infection caused permanent damage to the nerves and muscles in my leg.  It's the classic symptoms of CRPS, down to the pink, mottled, shiny skin.  Hair doesn't even grow in that area anymore ...not that I'm complaining about that though haha!  

The type of pain that awoke me today was a screaming, angry, more than demanding pain.  It's this type of pain, that allows my HOPE to slip.  This type of pain, makes me wobble on the line of depression.  It makes me think thoughts such as "at least when I die, I'll be out of this misery".  

Once my thought process goes down that line, I start to get angry.  Angry that with all of the advances in modern medicine, there isn't any more known about these types of conditions.  Angry that a medicine hasn't been developed that will treat fibromyalgia, CRPS, CFS/ME, Lupus, RA, and the list goes on and on.  Angry that there isn't a cure.  Angry that not only me, but so many others have to live exist like this for the rest of their long lives.

Every time this happens, it fuels my fire for education and advocacy.  I'm still of the firm belief that if the unaffected world is educated enough on what we go through, then the demand will be high enough for further research.  That private donations for research will come through.  Maybe I'm just living in denial, I don't know.  What I do know, is days like this is what will keep me advocating until the day I die.

On a positive note, I'll leave you with a photo of my 3yr old granddaughter sleeping peacefully the other night ....thank God NOT in pain.

I Need Heat!

I detest asking for any kind of help when it's for personal reasons, but I don't have a choice.  With my health conditions, going outside in the winter is hard enough on me, let alone living in a cold house, without a working furnace.

A couple weeks ago I went to bed with the furnace working fine.  The next morning when I woke up, it was chilly in the house.  I turned up the heat to take the chill off, and nothing happened.  I then realized something was wrong with the furnace.  

I have a friend that lives in another state and her husband owns a HVAC shop.  Her husband called me, and tried to walk me through some steps to see if he could figure out what the problem was.  He deducted that it wasn't something simple and said I'd have to have a technician come look at it.

After posting on a local garage sale site, a certified technician said that he'd repair it for me, just for the cost of parts.  He finally was able to come look at it this past Monday.  It turns out that I need a new inducer motor, control board, and something with my vent for the poisonious gases.  He looked up the price of the parts in front of me, and they're around $900  ...and I do believe that was before taxes.  He said a brand new furnace would run about $2000.  

To say this made me physically sick, is an understatement.  I'm disabled due to chronic neuroimmune health conditions and I live off of $721 a month.  That barely runs my household and buys food.  It's impossible for me to come up with the money on my own.

I contacted our community agencies and there's only one program that could help me out, but I don't qualify because you have to have insurance on your home.  I bought this house at sheriff sale and due to the number of years it sat empty without insurance, plus it's age, the cheapest home insurance quote I could find, was $387 a month.  No way in the world I could afford that, so the house isn't insured.  

I'm using an electric space heater, which scares me to death that it will cause a fire, and an electric blanket.  The heater is keeping it about 56 degrees in here right now, and we have colder weather that moved in today.  Next Tuesday on my birthday, November 18th, the high is only going to be in the 20's.  I live in NW Ohio, and it get's cold here!  

If I can get the money to repair the furnace, I'll do that.  If donations exceed the repair and are enough to replace my old furnace, I'll replace it.  If there's anything beyond that, I'll fix the hole in the roof in my back room, that's letting cold air pour in through it.  

Please help me spread my campaign by sharing it across your social media networks. You can click HERE to view or donate to this campaign.  Thanks so much!

Go Haywire For Haywire Games

With all of the family get-togethers that are coming up for the holiday season, this post could be a life-saver for you!  Read through to the end, to get a special promo code!

WHAT?! You want me to spend time with my family?! That's stressful and painful and long hours of talking about Grandpa's latest ailment - how am I supposed to get through that?! 

Hey, it doesn't have to be that bad. Spending time with your family can be fun, especially if you have the right game to shake things up, get people laughing and enjoying themselves - and not talking about Grandpa's foot fungus! The Haywire Group has just the games for you, this award-winning game company has a great collection of fun family games CLICK HERE FOR HAYWIRE GAMES  including DICEcapades! 2nd Edition DICEcapades and Bodydoodles The Tatoo Guessing Game The Tattoo Guessing Game.

DICEcapades (DICEcapades) is a card game, a dice game, a trivia game, an action game and well, it's just a game with about anything and everything in it, which is why it's perfect for everyone. You may find yourself in a staring contest, answering obscure trivia or balancing dice on your hand while standing on one foot - you never know what your turn will bring (hint: you might want to start working on your hand charades skills!). This game will definitely have you looking forward to spending time with your family and if it doesn't, give your friends a call for a game night, you can all escape your families together. DICEcapades! (DICEcapades) isn't just the luck of the dice - it's also the smarts of the roller. 

Do your kids draw on themselves? Ask how old they need to be to get a tattoo? Are they just plain creative or want to be? If so, you need Bodydoodles The Tattoo Guessing Game (Bodydoodles Tattoo Guessing Game), this popular game for kids will channel that creative energy in a fun safe drawing game where your body is the canvas. It's as easy as drawing a body card and a doodle card, picking the player you want to tattoo and drawing. Using the skin safe markers, a player draws the doodle on the chosen player while all the other players try to guess what is being drawn. Points are earned by the drawer and the guesser. Perfect for get-togethers with friend, sleepovers, birthday parties and anytime a child says, "Mom, I don't have anything to do."
For more exciting games from The Haywire Group - FREE Shipping through 12/31/2014, visit Haywire Group. Use promo code: FREESHIPPING50

Dream Team Pets

 

 

 

 

Dream Team Pets is much more than a bedtime toy-it's an innovative kid's sleep aid that helps end the bedtime battles of trying to keep your child in bed. Developed with the help of a pediatrician, Dream Team Pets bedtime routine empowers kids as they reward their Pet with stickers and a certificate for a good night's sleep. If the child wakes up from a nightmare, there are no hard feelings because the responsibility is on their Pet, but when they successfully sleep in their own bed, the kids feel a sense of accomplishment as they reward their Dream Team Pet. What makes this unique is that the kids think they are training their Pet, but really they are sleep training themselves! My Readers receive 30% Off Dream Team Pets with Promo Code: USFGUIDE
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Homemade Broccoli Cheese Soup

I love soup in the fall and winter, and broccoli cheese soup is one of my favorites.  I love this recipe because it's so simple and easy, so it doesn't completely drain me to make it.  -Unless I'm already in a flare, in which case I'm not going to be cooking anything lol.  

This is going to be supper tonight.  The recipe I use is HERE.  What's on your menu tonight?

That Feeling Of Helplessness

That photo quote above, pretty much says it all right now.  I feel like whatever I do doesn't matter.  I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm going to be stuck in this rut for the rest of my life.  I'm feeling completely overwhelmed.  

Every time I hear, or read, someone say "If you don't like your life, change it instead of complaining about it" I think I die a little more inside.  Way easier said, than done buddy.  Trust me.  

I didn't ask to get sick.  I never in my life wished that I'd get sick.  No matter how hard I try, I can't change it though.  I am sick, and there isn't a cure.  There isn't even a precious magic pill to make me feel better. 

I've tried to change that.  I've tried to educate and advocate for research funding so that maybe someday there will be a cure or a magic pill.  It's hard to get people to listen though.  When someone does listen, they still just can't grasp the concept of how truly horrific it is to have to live like this.

I can't make my own children understand, so how am I going to make a stranger understand?  I thought my oldest son understood, until today.  We were talking through Facebook messaging and he said "Your life is awesome".  I said "Hmm  ...I'm single without any hope to meet a man because who wants someone that's sick ..and I hardly ever leave the house to meet anyone.  I hardly sleep and when I do I feel like I haven't.  I hurt so bad that sometimes I cry.  I live off $700 a month because I can't work.  My house is falling apart.  Literally falling apart, 1/4 of the dining room ceiling fell in the other day and I can't afford to fix it.  Yep, I see what you mean.  My life is awesome".  He then replied with "Yeah but you don't have to work or go to school.  Awesome".  I was starting to get mad.  Frustrated.  Whatever you wanna call it.  I replied with "I wish I could work. I truly do. You don't have a clue how lonely my world is. I'd love to be able to make money so I could go do things, and I'd love the social interaction of being around other adults every day. I'd love to get out of the house and have somewhere to go. To be able to afford the gas to go, and feel good enough to go!

The next thing he said was "I hate it.  I just wanna sit in bed all day every day and never leave".  I told him "If you had to do that ...if it wasn't a choice ...you'd feel differently.  Believe me, it gets real old, real quick".

At this point, it slapped me in the face that even my own grown son is a DHAC (a person that doesn't have a clue).  It made tears spring to my eyes.  Then again, most things have been doing that to me lately. 

To his credit, I know he's tired and frustrated right now.  He's working 60 hours a week and going to college full time.  He's been averaging about 4 hours of sleep a day.  But man, if only my body would allow me to work 60 hours a week and go to school too.  What an awesome feeling of accomplishment and self-pride it would bring.  

I've tried getting local media outlets to listen and run a story.  I don't even receive a response.  For darn close to 2.5 years I've tried to get funding to start giving seminars on living with chronic pain.  That's failed miserably.  I've tried finding free venues to hold them so that I wouldn't need so much funding.  That too has failed.

I don't like ...no wait, I hate being overweight and I've tried to change that.  To my own credit, I have lost a bunch of weight.  51 pounds.  But I can't seem to lose any more and get to a healthy weight, because all of the stupid meds I take, make you gain weight.  You know, those meds that all of the doctors and commercials hail to be the special magic pill that will give me back my life.  The commercials flat out LIE.  People listen to them though ...when they don't want to listen to us when we try to tell them the truth of what our lives are really like.

If I was ever able to start the seminars on a regular basis, then my money problems would be gone, too.  I'd be educating people, advocating for all of us with chronic pain, plugging for research donations, and making a living for myself.  Sounds like a win-win to me.  I don't understand why society doesn't think so lol.  

The point is, I don't like my life, and I've tried to change it to no avail.  I've tried hard.  So, so hard.  All I'm left with, is the feeling of helplessness.  Feeling like whatever I do, doesn't matter.  I won't quit though.  If I have anything at all lef in this miserable life of mine, it's hope.  I'm hanging on by a thread right now, and if I give up hope, then that thread will break and I'll fall to eternity.  I've been a stubborn, strong-willed person my entire life.  Right now, I'm thankful for that.  I'm determined.  Determined to somehow, someway, turn this painful, sleep deprived, miserable life of mine into something good.  To turn the lives of all chronic pain/fatigue sufferers into something good.  

There is a difference folks, between surviving life and living it.  Right now I'm surviving.  Someday though, I'm going to live.  Someday soon.