My Weight Loss Journey

I can do that with my pants now, but too bad my body doesn't look like the one in the picture!  *sigh* It will come, in time, I guess.  It's been slow-going, but that's ok ...because it is going.  I continually keep reminding myself that I didn't put all that weight on over night.  Or in a month.  Or even in a year.  Therefore, I can't expect it to just be gone in a month or two.

Losing weight for me, has been different for me then it is for a lot of people.  Therefore I'm not sure if anything I say will help anyone else.  The journey hasn't been one of a lot of exercise.  Nor has it been one of a strict diet.  No pills or magic juices.  No herbs or "hunger-controlling" shakes.  Just some simple changes in my life.

Even as a small kid, I couldn't stand to eat breakfast.  I don't think there's ever been a day in my life where I'd wake up hungry.  Quite the contrary, when I'd first get up in the morning, the thought of food would literally make my stomach convulse.  It made me nauseous.  

In all honesty, I don't think I really get hungery in the sense most people would think about it, at all.  Nothing about my body is ever simple.  The way I would feel hunger, is that all of a sudden I'd get really sick to my stomach, and I'd feel like I was going to pass out.  I'd immediately think "Oh my gosh!  I need to eat something, I'm getting SICK!".  I'd look at the clock and  then think to myself "jeez, it's 4pm and I haven't eaten anything yet today.  No wonder I'm getting sick!  -Or it may be 2pm, or 5pm, or even 7pm.  

When my kids were little it wouldn't be a problem, because although I'd still personally skip breakfast, I'd eat lunch and supper with them when I made it for them.  I would always remember to feed my kids, I just have some sort of problem remembering to feed myself! lol  Once the kids hit school age, I stopped eating lunch too, because I wasn't making a lunch for myself.  My youngest child just turned 18, and for the past few years she was so busy with afer-school activities that I didn't really have a set time for our supper. 

The weight just started slowly creeping up on me from my poor eating habits.  My body was in starvation mode, so when I would eat something, my body would hoard it not knowing when it was going to get food the next time.  Bad, bad, bad eating (or more like non-eating) habit!

Meds have attributed to some of the weight gain too.  The weight gain I had on Amitriptyline is just ridiculous.  The med didn't even help my symptoms.  At all.  I felt like all I was doing was taking my fat pill.  Regardless, I stayed on it forever because my rheumatologist at The Cleveland Clinic swore by it and it's pretty much the only med that they prescribe there for Fibromyalgia patients.  -At least at the time I was going there, anyway.  I finally said the heck with it and stopped taking it.  I seriously didn't feel one ounce different taking it, than I did not taking it.  Stopping the Amitriptyline has definitely helped me with my weight loss.

In April of this year, I'd finally just decided that I'd had enough.  I'm sick of being lonely, and knew that my chances of ever having a guy be interested in my again were slim to none with the way I looked.  I was up to 271 pounds.  Besides wanting to find my soul mate, I just detested the way I looked.  I wouldn't take pictures with my kids or my grandkids, because I was too ashamed of how I looked.  I was embarrassed when I'd go to the store or anywhere in public.  

My best friends mom had been on an extended vacation to her home state, helping to take care of her elderly mother with dementia.  She'd been there a few months, and was nearing the time she was going to come back home.  This lady has been kind of like a 2nd mom to me.  I'd known her for 20 years.  My dad knew their family before I was even born!  She called me and wanted me to fly to MD and stay with her for 10 days, then ride home with her.  I'd never flown before in my life and I've had an ungodly fear of heights my since I was little.  I agred anyway though, thinking it would be good for me to get away for a bit.  Imagine my embarrassment and horror when I went to fasten my seatbelt on the plane, and it wouldn't even come close.  I was so embarrassed when the flight attendent handed me a belt extender.  Just humiliated.

This would be a good time to say that I had zero self-esteem, from all of the nasty, vile comments my ex-husband would make before he left me.  -He left me 2 months after my diagnosis was confirmed at The Cleveland Clinic, siting my health issues as being "too stressful" for him.  There's a whole blog post on here from last year about chronic illness ending in divorce for me.  The airplane seatbelt ordeal?  Yeah, it tanked me to about -100 on the self-esteem scale.  

After I'd been at the house for about a day, Sara said to me "Amy, we're going on a diet.  I have a lot of weight to lose, and so do you.  I'm worried about you being so heavy with the health conditions you already have.  I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying it because I love you."  I knew she was right.  I didn't want to be fat anymore.  Well, she was pretty strict on the diet thing.  Now don't get me wrong, I was stuffed.  I never ever went hungry.  But she forced me to eat.  She'd allow me 30-45 minutes to get woke up, then no matter how much I protested, she forced me to eat breakfast.  She hates carbs, and was a strict carb natzy, but I had all of the protein, veggies, and fruits that I could ever want.  

Sara started me off on this weight loss adventure.  She was so afraid that I'd go back to my old habits once I returned home.  I didn't though.  I admit that I'm not nearly as strict on carbs as she was, but I do eat a higher protein - lower carb diet.  I do (most days anyway) eat at least 3 meals a day and try to eat a snack or two.  I've been really bad the past few days though, and haven't been eating enough.  I haven't been eating breakfast.  I'm so incrediably proud though, of every pound that I've lost, that I will start forcing enough food (including breakfast) down my throat.  The weight loss kicked off with Sara on April 25th of this year.  I've noticed that every so often I start to fall back into the non-eating trap, but once I realize it I pull myself back up and start making sure I eat again.

I didn't exercise at all before.  I still don't exercise very much, because between my low lung function with the COPD, the pain my arthritis causes me, and the every day pain and fatigue of fibro, I just can't do much.  I do, do some now though.  I can only make it on my exercise bike for 2-3 minutes at a time.  If I possibly can that day, I ride it though.  On a really good day, I'll do it twice a day.  Some days instead of riding the bike, I walk around the block.  Again, on a good day, I'll do it twice a day.  Just recently, I started doing Zumba.  I do it here at home, using YouTube. I searched "beginning Zumba routines" and I have a few saved to a favorites list.  Right now, I can only make it through 2 songs in a row.  It's just a little over 7 minutes to complete them.  If I can, I do it twice a day.  Some days, I can't do it at all.  I figure that when you're as obese as I was (and still am), that any movement or exercise is better than no movement or exercise.  I'm not going to let it discourage me, because soon those 7 minutes will turn into 10 minutes.  Then 15 minutes. Then 30 minutes.  Then before I know it, I'll be able to do the whole 60 minute work out.  

I researched a lot about this food thing, since it's my biggest problem.  I learned that I don't have to gag down a big breakfast.  As long as I eat something as soon as I physically can after getting up, that it's ok.  The dietician I went to, told me even if it's a handful of dry cereal that's still enough to start my metabolism for the day.  I've also learned about all of the anti-oxidents in strawberries and blueberries.  After my breakfast, whatever it may be that day, I try within an hour or two, to go make a big huge glass of homemade fruit smoothie.  I use a handful of whatever frozen fruit I have on hand.  I make sure that I use either strawberries or blueberries in it, mixed with at least one other type of frozen fruit that I've picked up.  I add about 1/2 cup of plain yogurt to it, along with some honey to sweeten it, and either some juice or skim milk.  I pour it into a quart sized glass and I sip on it for a few hours.  -I've never been able to drink things very fast.  Within an hour or two after making the smoothie (usually I still have some left in my glass) I try to eat something for lunch.  Sometimes a low-fat turkey or ham sandwich, sometimes a salad, sometimes a couple eggs scrambled with a sprinkle of shredded cheddar cheese and some red & green bell peppers added in.  I keep my smoothie sitting there and usually "snack" on it between lunch & supper until it's gone.  

I don't add sugar to anything anymore except for one cup of coffee in the mornings.  I have to have it sweetened, and I refuse to use any type of artificial sweetner.  My rheumatologist at The Cleveland Clinic told me that artifical sweetner had been proven to cause more pain in fibro patients so to avoid it at all costs.  After that cup of coffee in the mornings, all I drink the rest of the day and night is ice water.  I've found in my research that the ice in the water helps you to burn more calories.  They say that your body uses more calories because it has to heat the water back up to normal body temperature, so the colder the better.  I've also learned that fresh lemon juice also helps to burn fat, as does cayenne pepper.  So, I try to always have fresh lemons in the refridgerator, and I cut & squeeze a couple of wedges into every glass of water.  I try to add cayenne pepper sauce to a lot of my food.  

Really, this is about all I've done to lose my weight.  I don't count carbs ...I just try to be conscience and not eat a lot of them.  I don't weight or measure my food.  When I found out that a lot of my weight problem was because I don't eat enough food, I was kind of mind-blown.  I'll be honest, I still don't usually eat as much in a day as I truly should.  I tried keeping track of everything I ate in a day for a couple weeks, and it was pure torture to try and hit the numbers that I was supposed to hit for a day.  -The calories, the protein, the carbs, the sodium, etc.  I kept track of all of it.  I was so full and it was honestly tiring trying to take in as much as I was truly supposed to.  It's just mind-blowing!

So, I've lost 39 pounds now since April 25th.  It's slow going, but it's going.  Every pound shed gives me back just a tiny bit of self-esteem.  Every pound shows me that I'm in control of this thing. Not the other way around.  Every pound, makes me a little more proud of myself.  I ran across a few photos of me earlier this month, that had been taken in January of this year.  I truly didn't realize what 30-some pounds lost looked like until I saw myself in January.  I seriously almost bawled at what I had looked like.  I made a college to show myself then, and show myself now.  That's the picture that's below.  I'm sure when I lose another 30-some pounds and college that pic with my current pic, I'll be just as blown away.  I will not ever give up.  One day, maybe a year or so from now even, I'll be back down to a healthy weight.  I'm not in a rush, I look at every single pound as a victory!  Thanks for getting me started on this Sara.  I'll always be grateful, and I'll always love you!

Juppy Baby Walker Momemtum Review

Remember the days of bending over to hold your babies hands as they learn to walk?  Remember how painful and back-braking this would get?  Well, those days are now over thanks to the Juppy Baby Walker Momemtum!  

Not only is this better for mommy and daddy's backs, it's also better on baby because they don't have to have their arms extended over their heads.  The Juppy also comes with built-in safety features too, with two velcro straps that overlap the zipper on the back.  The Juppy provides a sense of safety and security for your child, as they start to take those first steps!  It helps to build their self-confidence, as they know they're safe & snug while taking those first steps!

I really do think this is the neatest thing since sliced bread!  People with chronic pain conditions suffer enough from standing and walking.  Add in stooping over, and we're done for!  The Juppy is not only great for those of us with chronic pain though, as stooping over makes anyone's back ache!  I know that my 20-week pregnant daughter-in-law really appreciates the Juppy right now lol.  

The Juppy comes in a variety of colors: Yellow, Blue, Pink, and Light Blue.  With Christmas right around the corner, this would make an awesome gift!  -Even for parent's to be.  You can pick up one in yellow, so it's unisex if the gender hasn't been determined!  

Here's a picture of my granddaughter using the Juppy Baby Walker Momemtum, and she feels so safe & secure that she's even waving to grandma!

Make sure that you stay in-the-know with Juppy, by "liking" them on Facebook, following them on Twitter and Pinterest, and of course checking in on the Blog regularly.  You can even find them on YouTube and watch demonstrations of the Juppy Baby Walker Momemtum in use!

The Juppy requires parent assistance at all times, so you don't have to worry about your baby falling down stairs or getting somewhere they shouldn't be.  It's a "one size fits all" -not to exceed 35 pounds, and is made from 100% cotton that's machine washable!  The parent straps accomodate heights from 4'11" - 6'11" so anyone can use it and save their backs!

I'm very happy to have received this product to review, and want to thank Juppy for the opportunity!  This product is awesome!

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

Educational Alphabet Flash Cards Review

I had the pleasure of reviewing this set of educational alphabet flash cards sold by Educational Toys Planet. I have to say that I was very impressed with the cards. They're a sturdy thickness, so that they aren't easily bent up by little hands. The photo's are bright and colorful, and the letters and words are a nice size!

These cards are rated for ages 3+, but in my personal opinion it's never too early to start working with your child on educational things. My granddaughter is 26 months old and I can tell you that she has been loving these cards! She will sit and work with these cards for a half-hour or more at a time, and she's learning them too! She names the letters, and the pictures that match the letters! Here's a few pictures of her and my son working with them:

With Christmas slowly sneaking up on us, these cards would make an awesome stocking stuffer! You can get a set of your own by clicking HERE! I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

Family Game Night Giveaway

Welcome to the Winning Movies Family Game Night Giveaway!

Hosted by: Savory Savings

Sponsored by: Winning Moves

And a shout-out to our co-host: Giveaway Monkey!

Spending quality time with your kids, family and friends is of increasing importance and a great way to build good relationships and effective communication.  But sometimes, it is just hard to figure out what to do.  What really could a 45-year-old have talk about with a five-year-old for an extended period of time?  How about crocodile teeth?  Or number sequences?  How about the five-year-old telling the adults they are “IN TROUBLE!”?  Family games nights are a great way to have quality interactions with everyone in your family.  And companies like Winning Moves are helping that happen by being the leading producer of amazing games such as Crocodile Dentist, Crazy Eights, Trouble and more!  Krista over at Savory Savings had a chance to review these three fun and interactive games with her family and shared her thoughts in a review post. 

Family Game Night can build so many special memories. My youngest child will be 18 this coming Sunday, and we still have a game night at least once a month. At her age, it's now spread to include a group of her friends to play with us. We just had one this past Saturday, and it feels so good to me to sit there and see a group of 18-21 year olds sitting around my table laughing, and having good healthy fun. There are so many badthings they could be out doing. I know that my daughter will cherish these memories for a lifetime and carry the tradition on to her own children some day. With having fibro and other chronic pain conditions, sitting around a table playing board games is something that my body can handle. I can still be included in the fun, and can build memories forever. – At her age, our favorites now are Cranium and Mad Gab!

Even better, now she gets to give away some games from Winning Moves to one very lucky winner to grow their family game night collection!

This giveaway is open to US residents, ages 18 and older.  It will run from September 24, 2013 through October 8, 2013 at 11 PM CST.

Good luck!

Pizza Casserole

   

We all have those days where we just don't feel like cooking.  Pizza Casserole is one of those recipes that I keep in my arsenal for a low-energy and/or a high pain day.  It's so quick and easy ...and good!

Cook a box of Rotini Pasta al dente.  Make sure it's al dente, so that it doesn't get over-done in the oven.  Once done, drain the pasta and mix in a jar (or 2 if your jars are little) of pizza sauce.  Mix in pepperoni and any other pizza toppings that you like.  Put into a 9x13 casserole dish.  Top with shredded mozzarella (or Italian Blend) cheese.  Slap some more pepperoni on top, then bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.  

That's it!  So quick, easy, and simple.  Great if you need a quick, easy meal.   

Sometimes

I try to stay upbeat & positive.  I try to always have hope.  Sometimes though, I just can't.  Sometimes, I think why bother?  Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed and like everything is just too much.  I feel that I don't have any quality to my life any more.  If I can't work.... if I can't go out and do things, and have friends to do them with.... if I have to struggle week to week....if I have to live every day so tired and exhausted that I sit & cry.... if I have to live every single day in pain.... then what's the point of life become?  I'm in too much pain to even keep my house as clean as I'd like it to be, so how could I work?  Without working, I'm poor and can't afford to go out and do things I enjoy.  Being in pain and being poor has isolated me into my house most of the time, so I don't really have many friends left.  

I sit at home alone.  I have conversations with myself, inside my head, because there isn't any one else to talk to.  I try to maintain the facebook page for this blog, but I'm not really sure how many people even read it (or the blog for that matter).  Of the ones who do, how many really give a care what I have to say?  I try to remain hopeful, that by writing this blog and having the facebook page, that I may reach people and help to educate on this illness.  I try to remain hopeful that someday soon there may be a research breakthrough and my miracle cure will be right around the corner.  Is that really hope, or is it living in a fantasy world?

As a younger adult, I've worked 3 part-time jobs while carrying 18 credit hours in college.  All while raising four kids at the same time.  Part of it as a single mom.  I went out and did things with my kids, and with my friends. I always had the money to go do things.  I've never liked being alone.  I don't know if that stems from being an only child or what, but I've always loved to be in the middle of large crowds of people.  I've always been of the mind-set "the more the merrier".  Now, I'm alone.

I did a sink of dishes earlier, and I made supper.  Nothing fancy.  Just a quick, simple, supper.  That was a couple hours ago.  Now, I'm still sitting here in such pain that it takes my breath when a spasm hits.  Hurts constantly, but the spasms are the worst.  Sometimes, I'm not brave enough to keep up the fake smile and the fake "It'll all end up ok" bs.  Because sometimes, I really just need to cry and try to figure out what the point of my life is, when I have to live it within the constraints of pain and poverty caused by pain.  Sometimes, I really just have to wonder what the point of my life really is.  All the time?  I wonder why this illness even exists.

Credibility

Credibility.  It's such a simple looking and sounding word.  "The quality of being believable or worthy of trust."  Even the definition sounds simple, doesn't it?  It's so much more than that, though.  It's really so in depth, that it's mind boggling.  

How do you decide if something, or someone, is credible?  Does something have to be tangible? Do you have to be able to see it or feel it, to believe in it and it's credibility?  What about God? Or religion in general?  You can't see God, but a lot of people believe in Him.  A lot of people believe in the bible.  What lends credibility to the bible, for people to believe in it?  They just do, right?

What about the credibility of people?  Or of illnesses?  Or of people who have illnesses?  What makes their feelings, their symptoms, real and credible?  Many people will answer that question with "Well the doctor saying so makes it real and credible.  Duh.  The results from their tests make it real.  What a dumb question!".  No, not really. 

Let's pretend we have four people standing side by side.  They're lined up on a stage, in front of a large audience of people.   First, we have a person who has cancer.  They have patchy hair on their head, and they're pale and have dark circles around their eyes.  They look at you and say "I don't feel good.  I'm sick to my stomach and my body hurts.  I'm really in a lot of pain today.  I'm just completely exhausted.  I have to go lay down now".  

Next, we have a person who has MS.  They're standing there with a cane.  Their eye is watering.  They say "I'm just coming out of a flare.  My face is numb, which is making my eye water because it feels funny to it.  I'm weak, and have to use my cane right now to walk.  I'm just so tired".  

The third person says "I have fibromyalgia.  My body feels like I've been beat with a baseball bat.  It hurts to turn my head, or raise my arms.  My legs ache and my back, hips, and legs hurt so bad that I can barely take a step today.  I woke up feeling just as exhausted as when I went to bed last night.  But of course, I couldn't even fall asleep until close to 5am due to the pain and insomnia that fibro causes. I don't have an appetite, and when I try to eat, I feel nauseous".  

Lastly, there stands a person who suffers from severe depression.  They say "I feel worthless.  I don't feel like I have anything to live for.  I just want to sleep.  I don't even have an appetite any more. I want to lay down and sleep and never wake up.  I hurt in my heart.  I want to be happy.  I want to go do things and have fun, but I just can't.  I don't want to live like this any more".  

After looking at these four people, and hearing what they have to say, the large audience is asked to vote as to which one of these people is the sickest and to write why they believe the way they do.  What do you think the outcome of this vote would be?  Which person is the sickest?  Which person do people generally feel the most sorry for?

Of course I haven't conducted this experiment.  This is just all personal opinion and perspective from what I've seen and heard in the world of illness. my personal conclusions though, are of course the person who has cancer is the one that's going to get the most votes.  Next, the person who has MS will get the 2nd most votes.  Even though the person who suffers from severe depression may receive comments on the forms such as "It's all in your head." ..."You could be happy if you'd just let yourself be" ...etc, they'd come in as the 3rd sickest in my opinion, and last place would be the person who has fibromyalgia.  The fibro person may garner comments such as "Quit being a hypochondriac" ...."It's all in your head" ...."Your illness isn't that bad" ...."If you were really that sick, you'd be able to tell it just by looking at you" ...."Fibromyalgia isn't even real.  It's just something someone made up to shut up all of the hypochondriac's out there" ...etc.  I could go on, and on with possible & probable comments that those cards would receive.  

My question is, what makes the person who has cancer or MS more crediable as to how they're feeling than the person who has fibromyalgia or depression?  All four of these illnesses are terrible.  All of them are their own form of a living hell.  They're a form of personal torture and take away from a good quality of life.  But why do people sympathize with the one who has cancer and the one who has MS, but doesn't believe the one who has fibromyalgia and the one who has depression?   

Tangible results are why.  Blood tests, xrays, MRI's, CT scans, PET scans, scars from surgery.  All show definitive results that something is wrong inside of the person.  Visual accountability.  They can see with their own eyes, the balding head.  The dark circles.  The scars.  For some reason, in the area concerning a person's health, people are hung up on the tangibles.  If they can't see it, they don't believe it.  In the minds of most people, if it can't be proven, beyond a doubt, then it doesn't exist.  It isn't true.  

Why people can believe in certain things that they can't "see", such as God and the bible, but can't believe in another person when they say how they feel, is beyond me.  It really saddens me and hurts my heart.  Everyone's pain is valid.  Everyone's pain counts.  Everyone who is suffering, no matter from what, deserves to be heard and to be believed.

This is one reason why research for fibromyalgia and other chronic pain conditions is so very important. New research has been pointing us in the right direction as to "proving" fibromyalgia is real, but there's still so much that we need to learn.  To make our illness credible ....to make our voices credible, we need to learn so much more.  When people do not believe us, it makes it so hard to garner the support and funds for further research.  Without that research, we will never be credible.  We're going to have to find the "why" of fibromyalgia, to be believed.  

I spent a few days last week with a person who has MS, and a healthy person, both at the same time.  The healthy person went on and on about how terrible MS is.  How I'm sooooo lucky that I "just" have fibro and not MS or cancer, or something else that's horrible.  Well, you know what?  Having fibro is pretty horrible too in it's own aspect.  It's not much fun to feel like you have a sunburn all the time on your skin.  It's not much fun to feel like you have the flu every single day of your life.  It's not fun to be in a flare where you honest to God feel like someone took a baseball bat and beat the living crap out of you the night before.  I don't like saying "ow" every time I go to stand up, or move my head.  I hate being so exhausted that I sit and expend energy I don't have to spare, crying, yet if I lay down to sleep I just lay there.  Then I toss and turn because if I lay on one side for a bit I start to hurt.  So I say "ouch" as I turn over because it hurts to move my body to turn.  Then I repeat the process a few minutes later.  Over and over for endless hours at a time.  When I wake, I feel just as tired as when I went to bed, because my brain doesn't go into, or stay in, a deep restorative sleep pattern.

When I vocalized that fibro isn't a picnic either, I was met with "Maybe not, but it isn't as bad as what poor S goes through all of the time.  She's been to four different doctors who have all proven that she has MS".  Hmmm.  Really?  I've been to several different doctors too, who all say I have fibromyalgia.  It may be in different ways, but how can you say that what she has affects her worse than what I have?  How can you discount how my body feels?  What makes her more credible than me?  

I felt like a failure, because I just couldn't get her to understand about fibromyalgia.  She just wasn't open to being educated about it.  I had to keep reminding myself, that she doesn't know much about fibro.  She doesn't know what the latest research has shown.  She doesn't hear about fibro in the news, or read about it in the papers.  We in the fibro community haven't made a big enough deal about it, for a long enough period, to demand the media attention that fibro deserves.  You see/read stories all the time, front page news, about someone with cancer.  Or some new research or therapy on the cancer forefront.  You hear/read about MS.  Honestly, how often do we hear/see/read about fibromyalgia?  Not very often.  

As a person who suffers from almost every co-condition of fibro, I feel personally responsible for getting our voices heard.  I feel personally responsible for trying to educate those who doesn't have a clue what fibro really entails.  I also feel responsible for letting every single person out there with fibro know that I'm here for them.  That they aren't alone, and that I believe in them and their symptoms.  I feel like it's up to me, to do my part in trying to educate the media and try to get them to run with the story.  If that doesn't happen, then we in the fibro community will never have the credibilty that we deserve.  Without that credibility, than we'll never garner the support financially for further research to find our why, our how, and our CURE.  If a cure can't be found, then we at least deserve a treatment plan that works universally for all of us and gives us back some normalcy.  We deserve that every bit as much as someone with cancer, or MS, or depression, or Lupus, or any other miserable, lousy disease out there.  We must start demanding the respect and credibility that we rightly deserve.