Healthline's Best Health Blogs Contest

Healthline is running a Best Health Blogs Contest and I was honored to be nominated!  For the next 32 days voters can cast a vote once a day.  First place is $1000, second place is $100, and third place is $50.  If you've enjoyed my blog and facebook page, I ask that you cast a vote for me each day through January 15th.  It's simple and quick.  Just click HERE then in the search bar type The Fibro Frog, then click on the magnifying glass.  That will bring my entry up.  Then, just click "vote".  That's it!  :)

Thanks in advance for voting for The Fibro Frog and sharing the link for more votes!  Sending gentle butterfly hugs to you all!

Love,
Amy

Random Thoughts

So many times in the past, I've found myself wondering if I did something horrible to deserve to live with the health issues I have.  I wondered if it was some sort of punishment.  Karma.  Tonight, as I sit here with a cold or the flu that's wrecking havic on my respitory system from my COPD, my mind wanders down that path again.  

I know that's a silly train of thought.  I know what kind of person I am, and what kind of person I've always been.  I've always had a good, loving heart.  Of course I have some bad qualities, and I'm certainly not a Saint, ....but overall I'm a good person.  I've never done anything bad enough to deserve to be sitting here gasping for air.  To live in pain every day of my life.  To never have any energy.

All of that thinking leads me in circles.  Circle after circle until my brain is dizzy and spinning.  Question after question pops into my head.  Why do good people die young?  Why do some really bad people get away with murder (literally) ...or rape  ...or child abuse.  They go unpunished sometimes by the legal system.  They also sometimes go unpunished by karma.  They have their health.  They a lot of times are wealthy.  What in the world could I have done to deserve a life like this?  Is there really such a thing as karma?  I don't think there's really such a thing as karma because if there is, it isn't making much sense.  

Is it all just random luck?  I've always heard that a person makes their own luck.  I'm not sure I believe that.  Sure, a person can do things in their lives to try and help give them an advantage ...but to truly make your own luck?  I don't know.  

I end up going back to punishment again.  Maybe, it's some sort of punishment for not taking advantage of all the opportunities in life that had come my way. Maybe it really is karma.  Karma saying "You were just slumping through life instead of doing what you were meant to do, so it doesn't really matter if you live life or not".  

Ever since I was a small child, I had wanted to be a doctor.  At the age of 11, my walls were plastered with posters of the human body.  Anatomy posters.  Drug rep posters.  Any poster that my doctor had graciously given to me, that he'd received from reps.  He knew my desire to one day go to medical school.

At age 12, my doctor asked me if I'd like to start coming in on Saturdays and shadowing him, to feed my never ending desire for medical information.  I was ecstatic!  Every Saturday from 9am-12pm I'd follow him around like I was really something important, and I'd take in his every move and every word to patients.  I can not begin to tell you my excitement when one day he asked if I'd like to assist him bereaving some skin from a burn on someone's hand (after getting their permission of course).  

Then a few years later I turned into a know-it-all-snot-nosed-teenager-who-thought-she-was-in-love.  At the age of 17, I informed my parents that I wanted to take senior english and senior government through independent studies so that I could graduate that year ...my junior year of high school.  I told them I wanted to graduate a year early, and get married in June right after graduation.  I had plenty of credits to graduate a year early, I just needed to have the mandatory english and government credits to do it.  

My parents about had a heart attack when I sprung this on them!  In my typical defiant teenager way, the tears started spraying and I started yelling at them that if they wouldn't sign for me to get married in June, that 5 months later when I turned 18 my boyfriend and I would just run away and get married.  Why my parents gave in to that tirade, I still don't know.  They finally agreed.  

Boy were we stupid.  He was a senior (where I was a junior) and he'd been accepted into an amazing college where he was going to major in engineering.  I had wanted to go to college for pre-med ..then eventually med school.  Instead, without a pregnancy even involved, we opted to throw that away in the name of love, and marry so very young.  Five months later, on my 18th birthday exactly, a doctor told me I was pregnant.  There went any dreams of college for either of us.

I worked hard throughout my life, but I was never very successful at anything. Without a proper secondary education I was at a huge disadvantage.  I worked one minimum wage job after another.  My marriage lasted for about 5 years, and 2 kids.  

That leads us to today.  I'm sitting home alone with my body killing me, coughing a lung up, running a fever, gasping for air, writing to you, and wondering why I've been dealt a crap sandwich for my health.  I'm never going to get the answers to my questions.  I'm never going to know why I have to live my life sick and in pain.  The only thing I *can* do, is keep smiling.  Keep hoping.  Keep believing.  Keep believing and hoping, that one day there will be a treatment plan.  

Hold on to hope everyone, and always try to smile.

   

Just For You Review Link Up

 

Along with Rahab to Riches & The Fibro Frog blogs are hosting a Product/Book Review Link Up. You'll for sure want to take a look at this with the holidays coming! Find some great gifts that you wouldn't have thought of!   Tweet it! Share it on Facebook!  Give it a post on Google +!  Anything you can do to get the word out.     Link Up your review post below.  For now we will not be limiting the posts and review/giveaway combo posts are perfectly fine.      

Put Me Out Of My Misery

OMGosh, felt it definitely is.  This morning it awoke me, feeling like a chain-saw was gouging into my leg.  The weight of the blanket touching it was excruciating.  My leg was so swollen, that blood under the surface of the skin, was ready to break through where the top of my sock was lying.  It's a dark crimson color.  As much as I like that color, it looks pretty ugly in a line on my leg. To lightly brush over it with my hand, felt like a million teeny tiny needles pricking me.  

My eyes feel like thousand pound sandbags are attached to them, trying to pull them closed.  I'm so stinking tired that I can't stand it.  I can't go to sleep though, because my 3yr old granddaughter came to stay with me Thursday evening, and she'll be here until Wednesday.  I thought about calling my son and telling him he has to come pick her up now, but I don't want to give in to Fibro.  My granddaughter is my everything and I haven't been able to see her for about a month.  She makes me happy and gives me a reason to go on.  I'm not letting physical illness steal this joy from me.  It takes everything else.  Besides, I don't want to live my life in bed.  That isn't a life.  It's just existing.

My doctor won't pin the CRPS label in my file.  She said it probably is, but all she knows for sure, is that when I had cellulitis about 1.5yrs ago, the infection caused permanent damage to the nerves and muscles in my leg.  It's the classic symptoms of CRPS, down to the pink, mottled, shiny skin.  Hair doesn't even grow in that area anymore ...not that I'm complaining about that though haha!  

The type of pain that awoke me today was a screaming, angry, more than demanding pain.  It's this type of pain, that allows my HOPE to slip.  This type of pain, makes me wobble on the line of depression.  It makes me think thoughts such as "at least when I die, I'll be out of this misery".  

Once my thought process goes down that line, I start to get angry.  Angry that with all of the advances in modern medicine, there isn't any more known about these types of conditions.  Angry that a medicine hasn't been developed that will treat fibromyalgia, CRPS, CFS/ME, Lupus, RA, and the list goes on and on.  Angry that there isn't a cure.  Angry that not only me, but so many others have to live exist like this for the rest of their long lives.

Every time this happens, it fuels my fire for education and advocacy.  I'm still of the firm belief that if the unaffected world is educated enough on what we go through, then the demand will be high enough for further research.  That private donations for research will come through.  Maybe I'm just living in denial, I don't know.  What I do know, is days like this is what will keep me advocating until the day I die.

On a positive note, I'll leave you with a photo of my 3yr old granddaughter sleeping peacefully the other night ....thank God NOT in pain.

I Need Heat!

I detest asking for any kind of help when it's for personal reasons, but I don't have a choice.  With my health conditions, going outside in the winter is hard enough on me, let alone living in a cold house, without a working furnace.

A couple weeks ago I went to bed with the furnace working fine.  The next morning when I woke up, it was chilly in the house.  I turned up the heat to take the chill off, and nothing happened.  I then realized something was wrong with the furnace.  

I have a friend that lives in another state and her husband owns a HVAC shop.  Her husband called me, and tried to walk me through some steps to see if he could figure out what the problem was.  He deducted that it wasn't something simple and said I'd have to have a technician come look at it.

After posting on a local garage sale site, a certified technician said that he'd repair it for me, just for the cost of parts.  He finally was able to come look at it this past Monday.  It turns out that I need a new inducer motor, control board, and something with my vent for the poisonious gases.  He looked up the price of the parts in front of me, and they're around $900  ...and I do believe that was before taxes.  He said a brand new furnace would run about $2000.  

To say this made me physically sick, is an understatement.  I'm disabled due to chronic neuroimmune health conditions and I live off of $721 a month.  That barely runs my household and buys food.  It's impossible for me to come up with the money on my own.

I contacted our community agencies and there's only one program that could help me out, but I don't qualify because you have to have insurance on your home.  I bought this house at sheriff sale and due to the number of years it sat empty without insurance, plus it's age, the cheapest home insurance quote I could find, was $387 a month.  No way in the world I could afford that, so the house isn't insured.  

I'm using an electric space heater, which scares me to death that it will cause a fire, and an electric blanket.  The heater is keeping it about 56 degrees in here right now, and we have colder weather that moved in today.  Next Tuesday on my birthday, November 18th, the high is only going to be in the 20's.  I live in NW Ohio, and it get's cold here!  

If I can get the money to repair the furnace, I'll do that.  If donations exceed the repair and are enough to replace my old furnace, I'll replace it.  If there's anything beyond that, I'll fix the hole in the roof in my back room, that's letting cold air pour in through it.  

Please help me spread my campaign by sharing it across your social media networks. You can click HERE to view or donate to this campaign.  Thanks so much!

Go Haywire For Haywire Games

With all of the family get-togethers that are coming up for the holiday season, this post could be a life-saver for you!  Read through to the end, to get a special promo code!

WHAT?! You want me to spend time with my family?! That's stressful and painful and long hours of talking about Grandpa's latest ailment - how am I supposed to get through that?! 

Hey, it doesn't have to be that bad. Spending time with your family can be fun, especially if you have the right game to shake things up, get people laughing and enjoying themselves - and not talking about Grandpa's foot fungus! The Haywire Group has just the games for you, this award-winning game company has a great collection of fun family games CLICK HERE FOR HAYWIRE GAMES  including DICEcapades! 2nd Edition DICEcapades and Bodydoodles The Tatoo Guessing Game The Tattoo Guessing Game.

DICEcapades (DICEcapades) is a card game, a dice game, a trivia game, an action game and well, it's just a game with about anything and everything in it, which is why it's perfect for everyone. You may find yourself in a staring contest, answering obscure trivia or balancing dice on your hand while standing on one foot - you never know what your turn will bring (hint: you might want to start working on your hand charades skills!). This game will definitely have you looking forward to spending time with your family and if it doesn't, give your friends a call for a game night, you can all escape your families together. DICEcapades! (DICEcapades) isn't just the luck of the dice - it's also the smarts of the roller. 

Do your kids draw on themselves? Ask how old they need to be to get a tattoo? Are they just plain creative or want to be? If so, you need Bodydoodles The Tattoo Guessing Game (Bodydoodles Tattoo Guessing Game), this popular game for kids will channel that creative energy in a fun safe drawing game where your body is the canvas. It's as easy as drawing a body card and a doodle card, picking the player you want to tattoo and drawing. Using the skin safe markers, a player draws the doodle on the chosen player while all the other players try to guess what is being drawn. Points are earned by the drawer and the guesser. Perfect for get-togethers with friend, sleepovers, birthday parties and anytime a child says, "Mom, I don't have anything to do."
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Homemade Broccoli Cheese Soup

I love soup in the fall and winter, and broccoli cheese soup is one of my favorites.  I love this recipe because it's so simple and easy, so it doesn't completely drain me to make it.  -Unless I'm already in a flare, in which case I'm not going to be cooking anything lol.  

This is going to be supper tonight.  The recipe I use is HERE.  What's on your menu tonight?

That Feeling Of Helplessness

That photo quote above, pretty much says it all right now.  I feel like whatever I do doesn't matter.  I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm going to be stuck in this rut for the rest of my life.  I'm feeling completely overwhelmed.  

Every time I hear, or read, someone say "If you don't like your life, change it instead of complaining about it" I think I die a little more inside.  Way easier said, than done buddy.  Trust me.  

I didn't ask to get sick.  I never in my life wished that I'd get sick.  No matter how hard I try, I can't change it though.  I am sick, and there isn't a cure.  There isn't even a precious magic pill to make me feel better. 

I've tried to change that.  I've tried to educate and advocate for research funding so that maybe someday there will be a cure or a magic pill.  It's hard to get people to listen though.  When someone does listen, they still just can't grasp the concept of how truly horrific it is to have to live like this.

I can't make my own children understand, so how am I going to make a stranger understand?  I thought my oldest son understood, until today.  We were talking through Facebook messaging and he said "Your life is awesome".  I said "Hmm  ...I'm single without any hope to meet a man because who wants someone that's sick ..and I hardly ever leave the house to meet anyone.  I hardly sleep and when I do I feel like I haven't.  I hurt so bad that sometimes I cry.  I live off $700 a month because I can't work.  My house is falling apart.  Literally falling apart, 1/4 of the dining room ceiling fell in the other day and I can't afford to fix it.  Yep, I see what you mean.  My life is awesome".  He then replied with "Yeah but you don't have to work or go to school.  Awesome".  I was starting to get mad.  Frustrated.  Whatever you wanna call it.  I replied with "I wish I could work. I truly do. You don't have a clue how lonely my world is. I'd love to be able to make money so I could go do things, and I'd love the social interaction of being around other adults every day. I'd love to get out of the house and have somewhere to go. To be able to afford the gas to go, and feel good enough to go!

The next thing he said was "I hate it.  I just wanna sit in bed all day every day and never leave".  I told him "If you had to do that ...if it wasn't a choice ...you'd feel differently.  Believe me, it gets real old, real quick".

At this point, it slapped me in the face that even my own grown son is a DHAC (a person that doesn't have a clue).  It made tears spring to my eyes.  Then again, most things have been doing that to me lately. 

To his credit, I know he's tired and frustrated right now.  He's working 60 hours a week and going to college full time.  He's been averaging about 4 hours of sleep a day.  But man, if only my body would allow me to work 60 hours a week and go to school too.  What an awesome feeling of accomplishment and self-pride it would bring.  

I've tried getting local media outlets to listen and run a story.  I don't even receive a response.  For darn close to 2.5 years I've tried to get funding to start giving seminars on living with chronic pain.  That's failed miserably.  I've tried finding free venues to hold them so that I wouldn't need so much funding.  That too has failed.

I don't like ...no wait, I hate being overweight and I've tried to change that.  To my own credit, I have lost a bunch of weight.  51 pounds.  But I can't seem to lose any more and get to a healthy weight, because all of the stupid meds I take, make you gain weight.  You know, those meds that all of the doctors and commercials hail to be the special magic pill that will give me back my life.  The commercials flat out LIE.  People listen to them though ...when they don't want to listen to us when we try to tell them the truth of what our lives are really like.

If I was ever able to start the seminars on a regular basis, then my money problems would be gone, too.  I'd be educating people, advocating for all of us with chronic pain, plugging for research donations, and making a living for myself.  Sounds like a win-win to me.  I don't understand why society doesn't think so lol.  

The point is, I don't like my life, and I've tried to change it to no avail.  I've tried hard.  So, so hard.  All I'm left with, is the feeling of helplessness.  Feeling like whatever I do, doesn't matter.  I won't quit though.  If I have anything at all lef in this miserable life of mine, it's hope.  I'm hanging on by a thread right now, and if I give up hope, then that thread will break and I'll fall to eternity.  I've been a stubborn, strong-willed person my entire life.  Right now, I'm thankful for that.  I'm determined.  Determined to somehow, someway, turn this painful, sleep deprived, miserable life of mine into something good.  To turn the lives of all chronic pain/fatigue sufferers into something good.  

There is a difference folks, between surviving life and living it.  Right now I'm surviving.  Someday though, I'm going to live.  Someday soon. 

Really Society? I'm Outraged

I just saw a story in my facebook feed from one of my local tv stations.  The article was about a man from Ohio that started a campaign on a crowd funding site as a joke, to raise $10 .....yes, 10 measly dollars, to buy the ingredients to make potato salad.  He ended up raising over $55,000!!  Are you kidding me?!  Over $55,000, because he wanted to make a batch of potato salad.

28 months ago, I started a campaign on a crowd funding site (GoFundMe) to try and raise $5,000 to print up materials, pay for advertising, pay for location rental, and for travel expenses, to get my seminar on living with chronic pain up and running.  Guess how much I've raised in two years and four months time?  $90.  No, not $90,000.  Not even $900.  Just ....$90.00.

According to article when funds started rolling in, he promised he'd have a big party.  So, now he's going to hold PotatoStock 2014 in downtown Columbus, OH.  But, how much of that $55,00 is even being used towards it because the article goes on to say that the Idaho Potato Commission and corporate sponsors have donated supplies for him and volunteers to whip up 300 pounds of potato salad for the event.  The event is going to feature bands, food trucks, and beer vendors.  Usually for something like this the bands donate their time, and the food trucks and beer vendors pay for a spot to set up.  To give a little credit, the article says the man used some of the money raised to aid charities that fight hunger and homelessness.  Some of the money?  How much of the money?

Whether $1 or $10,000 was used to aid some charities isn't the point I'm stumbling on though.  It's the messed up way that people, the people donating to the crowd funding campaign in the first place, think.  Essentially, this guy was asking for $10 to buy some potatoes, mayo, and onions.  Once donations started coming in he promised a party.  People went wild and donated over $55,000 so a party could be held.  I ask for $5,000 to try and help people live a better quality of life, to educate those that don't know what it's really like to live with a chronic pain illness so that hopefully we'll get enough exposure out there to aid in further research to find a cure ...or hell, I'd even take a treatment plan that actually works, and works for everybody that has Fibromyalgia, and society can donate $90 in almost 2.5 years.  What's more important to society?  Having a party, or helping to improve the quality of a persons life?  Obviously, the party wins.

Call me jealous, or spiteful, or whatever you may but I'm seriously outraged and extremely upset over this.  I've been overly emotional the past few days due to lack of sleep, pain, and stress but I honestly am holding back tears right now.  To add insult to injury, for the past two years I've messaged all of my local news stations literally begging them to mention even one sentence on the air  ...OR even just on their facebook or Twitter page, that it's National Fibromyalgia Awareness day.  Seriously, I would've been happy had they just written "Today is National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day" on one of their social media sites, but not only didn't that happen, but they didn't even respond to my message to say "sorry, no can do".  As soon as someone is going to hold a party with bands and beer though, it's a complete article!

There have been times that I'd like to make a batch of potato salad too, but haven't had the money.  There have been times that I'd like to have a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, and a gallon of milk but couldn't even buy one of those items let alone all of them.  Do you know why?  Because Fibromyalgia and all of the co-morbidities that I have along with it, keep me from being able to work a real job.  I don't have a husband and his income to help out because a few months after I was diagnosed as having all of these life long chronic illnesses, he bailed.  I can't meet anyone new, because my health keeps me from being able to get out of the house on a regular basis.  Do I set up a page and ask for donations when I'm hungry or I'm struggling to pay my bills?  No.  I do without.  I've been raised not to ask for "handouts", and I really struggled with setting up the page for donations to start up the seminars.  In the end, I did so though because it would be helping to improve the quality of life of those afflicted with a chronic pain and fatigue illness, and it would help me to support myself.  It's something that I would only have to do for a couple hours a day, once or twice a month.  That I could handle.  I can not handle a *real* job though, not even part-time.  It's just unrealistic for my health issues.

Maybe society as a whole isn't messed up with their thinking.  Maybe I'm the one who's messed up.  I've been accused of having too big of a heart before.  Of caring too much about people.  I don't know.  All I know, is that I'm really, really sad today. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm fighting a losing battle with trying to advocate for all of us that suffer and have a normal life ripped from us.  In all honesty, I probably am. Regardless though, I'll never give up.

Love Is Bigger Than Hate

This post isn't about Fibromyalgia, or chronic pain, but what it is about, is showing that love is bigger than hate.  That if someone is *different*, that it's ok.  That it is not ok to judge, ridicule, or be plain mean to someone due to them being *different*.  All of us that have Fibro, or another chronic pain/fatigue illness know what that feels like.  Every single person on my blog and facebook page has been made to feel bad by someone else at least once, because we're *different* and the normals just can't seem to get it.

I'm sure you all remember reading about that poor 14-year old autistic boy that a group of kids played a prank on with the ALS challenge.  This poor kid thought he was taking the ice bucket challenge but a group of mean kids thought it'd be funny to really dump a bucket of urine and feces on him instead.  When I read about this, I was astonished at the cruelty that was displayed to this poor boy.  I was also amazed at his strength and courage to stand up and talk about the incident. 

Most of the time when we read or hear about something bad happening, we're just a bystander.  We idly sit by and think how outraged we are at the particular incident but we don't do anything about it.  Most of the time, we don't know what we can do.  This time, someone is doing something though to show this brave boy and his family that love is bigger than hate.  GiveForward has started a fundraiser for this boy and his family, so that they can see that love is bigger than hate.  

I challenge all of my readers to not sit idly by.  Make a difference in this poor boys life.  Please consider donating to this fundraiser by clicking the link.  If you can't donate, then share this post on all of your social media networks.   Don't fall into the bystander trap. All of us know what it feels like to be ridiculed.  Let's show this family how our Fibro family can send a wave across the whole world!

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Isolation

Sometimes, I feel as if I'm stuck inside an isolation tent.  Or, like I'm the boy girl in the bubble.  This illness is relentless and controlling, but more than the illness itself, we have to look at society.  At the "normals".  They just can't wrap their heads around what having Fibromyalgia really means.  Therefore they either unknowingly isolate us or force us to isolate ourselves.  

It truly is a double edged sword.  Most A lot of the time, we really can't force ourselves out of the bed house due to the pain and fatigue that engulfs us to our core, but on the days that we can we sometimes don't because either we don't have anyone to do anything with (since they've all strayed away from us from the times we've had to break plans or decline invites) or because the one's we have left in our lives exclude us because they think we can't handle whatever plans they've made.  A prime example of the latter, is a friend that's going camping in a newer cushy camper with soft beds and A/C.  An invite doesn't come your way then the friend says something about having not invited you because they didn't think you'd be able to tolerate camping.  Well, maybe we couldn't on that day.  But an invite and allowing the Fibromite to decide themselves whether or not they could handle it would be nice.  

You know, I'm down to only a couple IRL friends.  This illness has stolen them all from me.  The few I have left just doesn't "get it".  They have no idea the pain I truly feel on a daily basis.  The fatigue.  I put on the best show I can when I'm around them.  One time this past winter, I was plagued out of the blue (when isn't it out of the blue with Fibro?!) with sudden charley horses in my toes, back, and lower abdomen all at the same time when we were hanging out.  I had to jump up stand up as quickly as I could and I was wincing and sucking in my breath trying to stretch the cramps out.  My friend looked absolutely aghast and said "Are you ok?"  I grimmiced smiled and said "I'm really sorry.  Today is a really bad pain day".  She looked at me and said "I've never seen you like this before".  I replied with "Yeah, because I hate people to feel sorry for me so I do my best to fake a smile and push through the pain so that no ones knows how truly awful this is.  No one understands what this is like".  Within a few minutes,she wanted me to walk down the stairs to the basement and it was like that for the rest of the night.  Even after seeing and hearing, she still didn't "get it".  

Finally, there's the worry and the guilt factor if we do accept an invitation.  What if we can't keep up with the others on whatever outing we may be on?  What if we hold our friends back, or slow them down.  That's always a worry for me.  When it happens, and believe me it has, then the guilt sets in that we ruin everything for everyone around us.  

All of this combined, leaves me sitting at home almost every single day staring at the four walls.  Feeling as if they're going to close in and suffocate me.  Sometimes I feel as if I'm going to breathe in all of the oxygen that's in this house until I'm breathing heavy, hot, unoxygenated air.  Feeling so bored and lonely that the thought of passing away in my sleep is a welcomed idea for a brief stint of thought.  

There are so many ramifications to living with Fibromyalgia that normals would never even begin to think of.  Besides having a bajillion co-conditons, medication side effects, feelings of no self-worth and depression, you also have the isolation.  Sometimes, I wish that everyone with Fibro could be banished to a deserted island., because then at least we'd all have each other in one spot, IRL, to understand and communicate with.  Seeing as that will never happen, we'll have to just visualize that this little blog is the island, and we'll all have to connect here with one another.  How I wish though, that I could see all of your faces.  Hear your voices.  Hang out with each one of you, and give each and every one of you a gentle, butterfly hug.  If you're feeling isolated too, please know that you're not.  We're not.  We all have a little piece of each other.  I love you all!

Drugs

I hate drugs.  I've always hated them.  Even as a teenager, I'd rather moan and wriggle, and exclaim that I was going to die, than to take a stinking Tylenol or two for period cramps or a headache.  I really don't know what my hang-up has always been about them, but it used to make me half sick to my stomach to even swallow one.  To even think about taking drugs of any kind.

I've exlaimed to both my family doc and my pain management doc, that I refuse all narcotics until the day comes that I can't move or walk and just absolutely have to have them to drag my butt out of bed.  In all honesty, I'd rather cry (and I have many times) due to pain then to gag down some stupid narcotic that eventually would make me become addicted to it's nastiness.  

Where I refuse narcotics, I'm prescribed Tramadol for pain.  Oh let me tell you about that nasty little drug! A synthetic opiod.  A non-narcotic. They can say it's a non-narcotic all they want but I think the effects of it is just as bad.  I have to feel as if I'm about to die, to swallow one of those evil little white pills.  

This afternoon, the pain was so intense that I thought about it for a little while.  My thought process went something like this: "Ouch! Cuss words in my head.  Am I gonna die?  Cuss words in my head.  Should I take a Tramadol?  -Or would I be better off not to take a Tramadol and see if the pain actually does kill me?  Let's think this through.  Death?  Tramadol?  Death?  Tramadol?  Hmmm  ...ok, I guess I'll take a *!^* Tramadol."

After about 20-30 minutes of swallowing the dumb thing, I started getting cotton mouth.  A few minutes later, I started feeling jittery inside.  About 10 minutes after that, I felt like I was completey wasted, fubar drunk.  Then, the jittery-ness became even worse yet.  Next, the drunk feeling subsided a bit but my insides still felt jittery.  I felt nauseous and had a dull headache.  I was sitting here just zoning and kind of felt like I was outside of my body watching it.  I'm still in the last phase of the nausea/headache/zoning/feeling like I'm outside of my body.  

What is that they say about hindsight?  -If I had it to do over again, I never would have taken the damn pill earlier.  I would have taken my over dramatic chances on the pain causing death and dealt with it.  The Tramadol doesn't take it all away for me anyway.  I don't see how people can be druggies.  For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would want to feel like this.  How in the world can they like this type of feeling?  I just do not get it.  

Sometimes, it all feels like a cruel joke to me.  If anyone should be a druggy, it should be me to take away my pain ...but I detest it more than anything!  It feels ironic to me, and I picture some evil, sadistic person sitting around laughing about it after cursing me to suffer from a debilitating chronic pain illness and cursing me to hate drugs.  

Why, oh why isn't there a cure for Fibromyalgia?  My opinion of that answer is because not enough people know enough about it.  Not enough people know the truth about it.  It isn't important enough to non-sufferers to want to provide funding for further research.  That will never change unless we the sufferers change it.  Everyday I ask myself the question "How can I change that?".  The only conclusion I can come up with is to keep opening my big mouth.  Keep sharing the realities of our daily lives.  Keep trying to get the word out.

I've been plagued with pain, insomnia, and depression flares over and over for awhile now.  I've thought "What does it matter if I blog or update the facebook page because my little big ole mouth isn't going to make a difference. Who's going to listen to me or care what I have to say or how miserably pathetic my life has become because of this illness".  I've even contemplated giving up the blog and facebook page. As you can see on both here and the facebook page, I've let myself sit and wallow in a miserable puddle of self-pity but the effects of this damn pill today has pulled my head out and made me start "trying" again.  If nothing or nobody else, I've been letting myself down by not blogging or updating facebook.  If I suffer daily with Fibromyalgia and I won't try to get the word out about it, then how in the hell can I expect other people to do it?  I can't.  

My blog, my whines, my cries, my pleas and begging may never help lead to a cure or understanding and compassion concerning Fibro but doing nothing certainly will not get it done.  No one outside of this blog may ever know who I am, or what I've endured in my life but at least with this I know I've tried.  My children will know I tried.  I'll know that when I'm dead and gone, my children will know that I went with dignity and never giving up hope.  They can be proud of me that I didn't just give up and lay down without a fight.  I stood up for myself and the millions of others out there, that suffer every single day of their lives.

Will you all fight this fight with me?  Will you do everything you can to create awareness and demand further research?  Let's do this together!  Let's roar!  

Summertime Fun Giveaway!

Welcome to what promises to be one of the hottest giveaways of the summer! This is the Summertime Fun Giveaway hosted by Life in a House of Testosterone and Friends! Get ready to have some fun, because we're taking celebrating summer to a whole new level this year with over $1,800 in prizes to be won thanks to some last minute contributions to our prize packages! You can view a complete list with photographs of the prize packages here.

Hosted by:

Life in a House of Testosterone

Co-Hosted by:

Barbara's Beat | BloggieAway | Deliciously Savvy | Dividing by Zero | Heartbeats ~Soul Stains

Holiday Contest & Sweeps | Libby's Library | Simply Sherryl | Wrap with Jolene

I want to take a moment to thank our absolutely wonderful list of sponsors that are participating in this event!

• BagABook
• Cafe Viva
• Case It
• Cool People Care
• Country Bob's
• Creamed. Gourmet Body Treats
• Fiesta Dinnerware courtesy of Cover Story Communications
• Green-Pan International courtesy of Cover Story Communications
• I See Me!
• Jewelry in Candles
• JORD Wood Watches
• Keysocks
• LaBella Baskets
• Malia Laine
• Meze Headphones
• NeoCell
• OnePiece
• Pink Zebra Sprinkled On
• Sports Unlimited
• StainRx
• Tervis Tumblers courtesy of Cover Story Communications
• The Wet Brush
• Trillium Organics
• Wrap with Jolene
• Zims USA
• Zipz Shoes USA

The Summertime Fun Giveaway is giving you 3 CHANCES TO WIN with three prize packages up for grabs! In order to save you from scrolling continuously, each of the prizes being awarded are linked directly to their product page. They are as follows:

Grand Prize Package

The Grand Prize Package Contains Prizes Worth Over $724.00

• (1) 10oz StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free with misting cap, (1) StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free 1oz with dropper cap, and (1) box 12 StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free foil packs
• Book or Tablet Cover Carrier from Bagabook
• Country Bob's Assorted Sauces Gift Pack from Country Bob's
• OnePiece Fitted Onesie from the Women or Men's collection
• 94A Series Natural Green and Maple Wood Watch from JORD
• 1 Single Layered Tart with choice of Jewelry from Jewelry in Candles
• Ultimate Body Wrap from Wrap with Jolene
• Just Chill Cooling Pour Spout from Malia Laine
• 1 pan of winner's choice from the I Love Cooking collection (29.99 to 49.99)
• Meze 11 Deco headphones from Meze Headphones
• Cafe Viva 7 Day Challenge with Mug
• Pink Zebra Sprinkled On 3.75oz Jar of Sprinkles in choice of fragrance
• One free pair of Zipz Shoes (winner's choice)
• One Wet Brush Paddle available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Pops available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Squirts available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Classics available in assorted colors
• 24oz Organic Body Polish, 4ozOrganic Body Oil and 8oz Botanical Body Soap from Trillium Organics

2nd Place Package

The Second Place Prize Package Contains Prizes Worth Over $573.00

• (1) 10oz StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free with misting cap, (1) StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free 1oz with dropper cap, and (1) box 12 StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free foil packs
• Book or Tablet Cover Carrier from Bagabook
• Country Bob's Assorted Sauces Gift Pack from Country Bob's
• My Very Own Name Storybook from I See Me
• 4 Pack Women's Bundle (1 Black 1 Nude 1 Light 1 Brown) from Keysocks
• (4) T-Shirts of winner's choice from Cool People Care
• 5oz Cranberry Citrus Bar from Creamed. Gourmet Body Treats LLC
• Zim's Advanced Crack Creme with Hydrocortisone
• Kia Picnic Stix from Malia Laine
• It's Game Time Care Package from LaBella Baskets
• (1) place setting of the Poppy Fiesta Dinnerware - 4pc place setting w/coffee mug or 5pc place setting w/teacup and saucer
• Dual 501 CPN Binder with 10 Coupon Insert Sleeves from Case•It Binders
• Cafe Viva 7 Day Challenge with Mug
• Pink Zebra Sprinkled On 3.75oz Jar of Sprinkles in choice of fragrance
• One free pair of Zipz Shoes (winner's choice)
• One Wet Brush Paddle available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Pops available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Squirts available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Classics available in assorted colors
• 24oz Organic Body Polish and 8oz Botanical Body Soap from Trillium Organics

3rd Place Package

The 3rd Place Prize Package Contains Prizes Worth Over $428.00

• (1) 10oz StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free with misting cap, (1) StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free 1oz with dropper cap, and (1) box 12 StainRx Fragrance & Dye Free foil packs
• Book or Tablet Cover Carrier from Bagabook (winners choice)
• Country Bob's Assorted Sauces Gift Pack from Country Bob's
• My Very Own Name Coloring and Activity Book from I See Me
• 4 Pack Girl's Bundle (2 Stripe 2 Turquoise) from Keysocks
• $100 Gift Certificate for any product on the NeoCell website
• 5oz G'Oatmeal and Honey Bar from Creamed. Gourmet Body Treats LLC
• Zim's Max Freeze from Zim's USA
• Franklin Intermediate Horseshoe Set from Sports Unlimited
• Tervis Hello Kitty Tumblers (winners choice of size and design)
• One free pair of Zipz Shoes (winner's choice)
• One Wet Brush Paddle available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Pops available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Squirts available in assorted colors
• Two Wet Brush Classics available in assorted colors
• 24oz Organic Body Polish from Trillium Organics

Special Offers and Discounts

Several of our sponsors have been generous enough to offer discount coupons to our readers who may wish to make a purchase during the giveaway event. This information is listed below.

LaBella Baskets

LaBella Baskets offers a LBB membership for $9.95 per year. Once you purchase a LBB membership, you will be sent an email with your login information. You then receive your very own discount website so when you are ready to purchase gifts, you receive a 20% off discount on each gift you purchase without having to worry about keeping track of a discount code! Click here to grab a LBB membership! In addition, LaBella Baskets offers a Candle of the Month Club Membership for $19.99 per month. After your first purchase, you will be able to choose which candles you want each month, with 32 scents to choose from! Click here to purchase a Candle of the Month Club membership! With both of these membership options, there is no expiration date and you can cancel your membership at any time!

Bag A Book

Our friends at Bag A Book have generously offered to provide our readers with a 20% off discount for any item on their website. Just use discount code SFS20 when you check out. This discount code expires 12/31/2014. Six months of incredible savings! Thanks Bag A Book!

NeoCell

NeoCell has generously offered to provide a savings code for their sister site - iHerb.com. Use code CIP001 to receive a discount between $5.00 and $10.00 if you are a new customer to iHerb.com.

Trillium Organics

Trillium Organics is offering our readers a 10% off discount from July 1 to July 30 on your order. Just use coupon code SUMMER10 at checkout! In addition, Trillium is holding a giveaway on their website for a FULL YEAR'S SUPPLY OF TRILLIUM ORGANICS! On 12/1/2014, one lucky winner will be chosen to receive 6 jars of Organic Body Polish, 6 bottles of Organic Body Soap, 3 jars of Organic Body Butter, 3 bottles of Organic Body Oil, 3 jars of Organic Soaking Salt, and 3 bottles of Organic Perfume! All you need to do is click here to enter and be sure to sign up for the Trillium Organics newsletter to ensure you're notified if you win!

StainRx

StainRx is an effective stain remover that attacks stains on a molecular level with no peroxide, chlorine bleach, or phosphates. Now thru 8/1/2014, use discount code GoldBros to receive 10% off your order. StainRx is pH neutral and will not adversely affect colorfast washable fabrics. StainRx removes many tough (and even old) stains, while keeping colors vibrant and whites whiter without oxidizing agents!

Creamed. Gourmet Body Treats

Homemade soaps from Creamed Gourmet Body Treats are formulated with high quality base oils, then once the lye is neutralized, Organic Cocoa Butter, Organic Shea Butter and Avocado Oil are added. Creamed Gourmet Body Treats is offering 10% off your purchase through 7/30 when you use coupon code LIAHSOAP. Visit the shop today and check out the wonderful homemade treats in store for you!

Giveaway Information

This giveaway is open to entrants residing in the Continental United States, age 18 and older. There are quite a few entries that can be earned during this giveaway so please take care to follow instructions for each entry carefully. Three winners will be randomly chosen on Wednesday, July 16, 2014 and entries verified. If you did not leave the proper information for us to verify the random entry chosen, another entry will be drawn.

Once all three entries have been drawn and verified, you will receive an email at the email address you listed on the mailing information form. You will have until midnight EST on Friday, July 18, 2014 to respond to that email. If you do not respond within the allotted time frame, another winner will be chosen.

Sponsors will be responsible for shipping out your winning prize package items to you directly.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: Life in a House of Testosterone organized this event. As a participating blogger, I received no compensation for promoting this event. This giveaway is in no way sponsored, endorsed, administered by, or associated with any social media network or with the Rafflecopter giveaway system. Prize shipment will be coordinated by Life in a House of Testosterone and the sponsors of this event. Should you have any questions at all, please contact kim@lifeinahouseoftestosterone.com directly.