Self-Sabotage. Most people have heard this term before in their lives, but what is self-sabotage?! According to Dictionary.com, self-sabotage is defined as "the act or habit of behaving in a way that interferes directly with one's own goals, well-being, relationships, etc., as by comfort eating, procrastination, or lashing out at others". In other words, blowing up your entire world yourself lol.
Self-sabotage is way more common than people think it is. All four of my children were active in different sports but one they all had in common, was competitive judo/jujitsu. My dad, who is 85 years old now, used to go to a whole lot of their tournaments and he'd always tell them right before their match "Now don't go out there and beat yourself. If you lose, lose by making your opponent beat you". He also said that a LOT to my oldest son Cody, who was also a high-school state wrestler, college wrestler, and MMA cage fighter after his college wrestling days. -Yes, the photo below is from one of his MMA fights, and yes, he's the one on top facing the camera lol.
Although Cody had an amazing overall sports career, even he admits that at times, he was guilty of "beating himself". Guilty of "self-sabotage". This phenomenon of self-sabotage can be so common for many different reasons. Sometimes people self-implode because they're afraid of failure. Sometimes it's because they're afraid of success. It can happen if a person has low self-esteem. Sometimes perfectionism plays into self-sabotage. It could be, because of past experiences from childhood where a child had received negative messages from caregivers. Cognitive dissonance, having a conflict between your personal belief and your actions, can lead to self-sabotaging behavior. Sometimes, it's due to unconscious survival strategies. There are just so, so many reasons why a person can consciously or unconsciously self-sabotage.
Do you ever feel like you're a hamster stuck running on a wheel? If you find that you have that feeling with some aspect of your life, or if you find yourself procrastinating on a task, you may be guilty of self-sabotage. Do you engage in negative self-talk? Frequently engaging in self-critical or pessimistic thoughts can undermine confidence and motivation. If you avoid or "forget" responsibilities, even when they're crucial, it can be a sign of self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage can lead to career and academic setbacks. It can strain important relationships. It often exacerbates feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. The constant cycle of setting goals and failing to achieve them can lead to a sense of helplessness and self-doubt. If you engage in self-destructive behaviors like comfort eating, substance abuse, or neglecting self-care it can cause serious physical health consequences too. This is especially true for people suffering from chronic pain conditions such as Fibromyalgia. Self-sabotage also leads to financial difficulties due to poor decision-making and lack of follow-through. Overall, self-sabotage leads to a reduced quality of life. It prevents you from reaching your full potential and enjoying a fulfilling and satisfying life. It creates a vicious cycle of failure and disappointment that is difficult to break. So there you are, still stuck running on that damn hamster wheel!
There are many strategies that you can use to overcome the self-sabotage cycle though. You can build self-awareness by utilizing mindful meditation to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. You can journal! Write down your thoughts and experiences daily. Then reflect on your actions and emotions to identify recurring themes and triggers. Set aside time regularly to reflect on your goals, dreams, achievements, and areas for improvement. Ask yourself questions like, 'What am I avoiding/" or "Why did I react that way?". You also can seek constructive feedback from trusted friends, family, or colleagues. They can provide insights into behaviors that you may not even notice yourself!
Cultivate self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend! When you make a mistake, remind yourself that it's OK to be imperfect. Recognize common humanity within yourself. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, experiences difficulties and setbacks in life. I think that's the biggest impact that was made within me during the filming of my episode of Dragnificent, on TLC. There was an emotional moment of me telling a story that negatively impacted my life and self-esteem, and one of those beautiful Queens started crying. Afterward, she and I had a conversation about how my story dredged up feelings for her, of her going through the exact same experience I had been describing. My mind was literally exploding at that second! I was thinking "What?! Wait! This beautiful, successful woman has had the exact same feelings and emotions that I've had?". It was really a huge "Ah-Ha" moment for me. When everything is cut & dried, no matter how rich or poor or successful or ...how stuck on a hamster wheel we are, we are ALL "just people" at the end of the day. We all have the same feelings, emotions and fears. We all want unconditional love and support and acceptance. We all have hopes & dreams. At that point in time, I started using a reference that I remind myself of a lot; "Every person, is a person". It sounds simple, but really, it's not. It's deep, yet it's so very true! You always should try to be mindful of your negative thoughts and emotions, without letting them define you. Practice deep breathing or gentle self-talk to soothe yourself. You also can practice loving-kindness meditation. Engage in meditations that focus on sending love and compassion to yourself and others. You could also write a self-compassion letter to yourself or visualize a compassionate response to a challenging situation.
Are you ready to break free from your cocoon, and emerge like this beautiful butterfly? If you're tired of getting in your own way and you're ready to achieve your goals with confidence, I'm here to help! As a Certified Master Life Coach, I'm also a Confidence Coach, Goal-Setting Coach, and Meditation Facilitator & Coach. I specialize in helping individuals overcome self-sabotage and unlock their full potential. You can book a free consultation by DM'ing me on my The Fibro Frog FB Page
