Support Those With Chronic Pain Illnesses

Don't forget that I have a fundraising event going on through November 24th.  The sell of the key chains will help fund my seminar Living With Chronic Pain - A Patients View.  Let's help out our fellow chronic pain sufferers by ordering a key chain and sharing the event through your social media sites.  The seminar isn't just for people with fibromyalgia, it's for anyone who suffers from any sort of chronic pain illness.  It gives the sufferer tips and advice, along with ideas on how to make their family and friends, and community, understand what it's truly like to live their lives in pain every day.  It dispels myths, gives statistics, lists resources, and addresses family and community that doesn't understand what we go through.  This seminar is really geared towards not only the sufferer, but also to people who do not suffer.  It's an overall well-rounded seminar that's beneficial for anyone, whoever they may be.  Also, a person doesn't have to be a chronic pain sufferer to order a key chain.  By ordering one, you're showing support for those of us who do, and helping to bring about awareness by using your key chain.  You'll find the fundraiser on facebook as a public event.  Please check it out, and share it!  To access the fundraiser, click HERE.  Thanks for your support, there's approximately 116 MILLION people who suffer from some sort of chronic pain illness in the U.S. that thank you!

Key Chain Fundraising Event

Hi everyone!  I've designed a key chain using my own photo and words, to use as a fundraiser.  The key chain will have the above photo on it.  I'm trying to raise the money needed for me to present and advertise my living with chronic pain seminar.  I'm extremely grateful for each and every order, and would really appreciate it if you all would also share this event through your social media sites to help me spread the word!  I have a great group of supporters here on The Fibro Frog, and I appreciate each of you!  Thanks for your help with this event!  You will find the event by clicking: HERE.  Thanks again!  =)

The Definition Of Insanity

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I, on the other hand, called doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, hope.  I kept posting and emailing companies, looking for either help fundraising to pay for chronic pain seminars, or looking for a church, business, place, etc. to at least donate space to me to use for a chronic pain seminar.  It was so very hard for me to even make a fundraising page.  I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't just do it on my own.  I've never had much through my adult years, so it makes me feel funny to accept a "gift" (donation) from someone.  I was grateful for each and every one, but it still made me feel funny ...and bad, to accept it. I've also been a very strong-willed person all of my life, so to accept that I "do" need help, was hard for me. Regardless of how it made me feel, I went ahead and bit it, and made the page.  Even though I kept getting "no's", I still kept emailing.  Even though I'd ask for others to please share the fundraising link throughout their media sites and only a small handful would, I kept asking.  Although I knew the definition of sanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, I still plugged along.  I kept telling myself that phrase didn't apply in this situation.  If I asked enough people to either donate or share the page, that eventually it'd pay off.  See, I'd always been raised believing that a person could achieve anything in life that they want to achieve, as long as they worked hard enough at it.  I've also raised my own kids to believe the same thing.  

I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I've been, practically begging people to help me.  For a long time, I was able to ignore it, tell myself that I knew this wouldn't be easy from the start, and I could keep swallowing my embarrassment and moving forward.  I just can't do it anymore.  I've finally broke, and realized that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results really is the definition of insanity.  All along I'd maintained that I wasn't just trying to do this for me, I was trying to do it for the approximately 116 million other people in the U.S. who suffers from chronic pain, as well as for myself.  Late last night, it hit me that where I'm not getting anywhere with this, that maybe educating people so that they'll understand what we go through, and advocating for more research to find a potential cure or treatment plan that allows us to have a half-way normal life, may not be important to very many people besides myself.  If it was, I'd think that I would've gotten some help along the way.  Now, I completely understand that the economy isn't good right now, and that people have tight budgets and may not be able to make cash donations at this time.  Believe me, I truly do get that because that's where I'm at myself right now.  But it's free; it doesn't cost a single penny, for people to share my mission on their facebook page, on their blogs, on their twitter accounts pinterest, etc.  My thoughts were along the lines that even if the people I reached out to couldn't make a cash donation, that if they shared the message themselves too, that it'd reach enough people that some may be in the position to make a donation.  

There are quite a few things I'm trying to work through right now.  I'm not embarrassed to admit that I have the co-morbidity of depression secondary to my Fibromyalgia.  When my marriage first ended, I finally had to go on medication for my depression.  It really helped me a lot.  I think that I may need a med change, or my dosage upped, because I'm again finding myself feeling sad and hopeless more days then not.  I think a lot of it has to do with the upcoming holidays.  Being as sick as I am (today I can't hardly type due to the stiffness and swelling in my fingers, for instance), not being able to work a real job due to my pain, stiffness, and depression, not receiving any child support or alimony, has me absolutely dreading Christmas.  Christmas has always been my favorite holiday of the year.  The absolute joy and pleasure I'd see on my families faces when they'd open their gifts, brought me pure joy.  Even though presents may be few throughout the year, I'd completely spoil my kids at Christmas time.  I absolutely loved seeing mountains of pretty, wrapped gifts under our tree.  For myself, the only gifts I'd usually get was from my parents.  -Again, that was fine with me because I feel awkward when people give me things anyway.  My joy, was in picking out, wrapping, and watching my family open what I'd bought for them.  Long story short, I've lost my joy at this time.  I've lost my hope.  Not only was the seminar important for me personally due to my health, but it also was important for me, to do as a career.  To be able to bring in money that's desperately needed for my bills, for my family, and for the holidays. 

Right now, I feel ashamed of myself that I can't work a "real" job.  I feel ashamed that I'm not able to provide the things for my daughter that she deserves in her senior year of high school.  I feel ashamed that I struggle so much to pay my bills.  I feel sad and ashamed that I actually pretty much was begging people to to help me get the seminar going.  I can't keep feeling like this.  I have to concede to the fact that maybe chronic pain seminars, and advocacy and research, may not be as important to others as it is for me.  -And that's ok, because however someone with a chronic pain and fatigue illness feels, is valid.  There is a lady that's not only a bloggy friend, but she's also a fibro sister.  This woman has gone above and beyond, trying to help me build this page and my facebook page, along with trying her very best to help me get the seminar going.  She's posted and posted asking for help, and she's made several donations to the fundraising page.  Every time I post asking for people to share about me and my mission, she does.  It's to the point that I even feel guilty for that, because she's put so much work, time, and money into helping me.  I'm going to leave my fundraising page up and if someone runs across it and wants to make a donation or wants to share it that's great and would be very much appreciated, but I'll no longer beg for help with it.  Begging and still not getting anywhere is completely demoralizing to me, and I just can't do it anymore.  It makes me feel ashamed of myself that I can't just do it on my own.  Therefore, I will wait until I can do it myself.  Hopefully that time will be soon, but if it isn't, then it isn't.  I'm not going to keep worrying about it.  

The quote above, is how I was looking at things.  I thought that if all of us sufferers banned together, that together we could bring about a change.  A change in the way other people look at us.  A change in the way that even those in the medical field look at us and treat us.  I am so tired of DHAC's (people who doesn't have a clue) looking at me and telling me that I'm just too lazy to work.  That it's my fault that my daughter is going without stuff that she should have.  It's my fault that I'm so poor at this particular time.  I thought with so many of us, that we could demand change and research.  To be completely honest, I still feel this way.  I'm just not strong enough right now to keep trying.  I just can't take more rejection right now.  Hopefully once the holidays pass, I won't have so much on my mind and I'll jump right back in again asking for you all to help me start advocating again.  Maybe I'll get lucky in the mean time and the opportunity to hold a seminar will drop into my lap. Regardless, I want to thank everyone who reads my blog and facebook page, for sticking things out with me.  I'll do anything I possibly can to be there for you guys.  I'm just praying for a much better year in 2013.  For all of us.

One Final Push

My birthday is in 12 days, November 18th, and I had been hoping to have raised enough funds to hold at least ONE chronic pain seminar by then.  It's looking pretty dismal at this point, but I wanted to make one final push to try and still hit my goal.  I realize that the economy isn't the greatest, and that the holidays are quickly approaching, so if you can't make a financial contribution I completely understand.  What I'm asking for though, is if you aren't able to make a donation, would you take just a couple of minutes out of your day, to share my fundraising page or else this blog post, throughout your media sites?  If even 50 people shared, and asked their friends/family to also reshare, the final reach of what I'm trying to do could be phenomenal! I'm not just trying to advocate and educate just for myself, and I'm doing it for myself and the approximately 116 MILLION people in the U.S. that suffer from a chronic pain condition.  It would mean so very much to me, if you all would share and ask for reshares.  It doesn't cost you anything, and it only takes a couple of minutes.  Please help my voice to be heard.  Although my fundraising link is on the right hand side of the homepage on my blog, here's also a direct link to it as well: Click Here For Fundraising Page  A huge "thanks" and a gentle butterfly hug to those who are willing to help me get the word out about my birthday goal.

HomeMade Broccoli, Rice, and Cheese Casserole

This is a recipe that my mom passed down to me, and my oldest son and youngest daughter both love it more then anything! On their birthday, I always make the kids whatever they want for supper.  Today is my Courtney's birthday!  My "baby" is 17 already! Every chance she gets to beg for my Broccoli, Rice, & Cheese casserole she does! So, this was part of our supper tonight.  This photo is before I popped it into the oven!

Shhhh.....don't tell anyone but I'm going to spill my "secret" recipe with you, just because I feel that all of you here on The Fibro Frog are my family!  

1c. thinly sliced celery

1c. diced onion

2 boxes frozen Freshlike brand cut, chopped broccoli (Freshlike brand is the only one around here that sells the cut/chopped broccoli)

1lrg. can cream of mushroom soup

4c. shredded mild cheddar cheese

2.5c. instant rice (uncooked)

Enough butter melted in a skillet to saute the onion and celery.  

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Saute the onions and celery until tender.  Open broccoli and put it in a strainer.  Run under hot water to thaw the broccoli.  Add it to the sauteed onions and celery.  Add the cream of mushroom soup, rice, and cheese.  Keep stirring until cheese is completely melted.  Make sure you have all of the rice completely mixed in and covered by the soup and cheese.  Put into a 13x9 baking pan and bake for approximately 45 minutes.  It will be a nice golden brown color when finished. For some reason the coloring in my photo is off.  It really isn't as brown as it looks in this photo.  I hope you all enjoy this recipe as much as we do!

The Never Ending Day

I always hear people complain about Monday being a bad day.  I guess that I'm just not "normal" in any regard, because my Monday went perfectly well (aside from being in a ton of pain from pushing myself last Thur-Sun).  Instead today, Thursday, was like a Monday for me.  As usual, my insomnia has been horrible.  I didn't fall asleep until sometime after 3am last night this morning.  My daughter home schools online through our school district and on Tues and Thurs she goes into the building and does her online lessons in the library that way if she needs any help from a teacher, she has quick easy access to one.  She's a senior this year. She woke me up at 7:10am this morning by coming into my room saying "Mom!  Wake up!  Sasha was starting to throw up so I hurried and got her outside and hooked her to the chain but she just laid down on her side and white foamy vomit is coming out of her mouth!  Is she dying?".  I dutifully get out of bed exclaiming that I don't know if she's dying or not.  Walk outside to see her standing there perfectly fine, wagging her tail at me.  -Oh Sasha is my baby, I mean, my puppy that my parents got me after my husband walked out on us.  I laughed at them and asked "Consolation prize?" lol.  Anyway, I brought her back in and flopped myself down into my computer chair.  I was so tired that my vision was blurry and my head was killing me.  Daughter exclaims that she has to leave for the bus stop (2 houses down from us).  

Five minutes after she left, I hear her coming back onto the front porch.  She came inside and said that our neighbor lady is sitting on the porch and told her that she'd missed the bus.  I wanted to choke call the bus garage to ask them why in the world the bus came 20 minutes earlier then they'd told us it would be here.  I just honestly didn't have the strength to deal with calling anyone and complaining though.

My daughter got a ride to school, and by this time I know there's no way in heck that I'm going to get back to sleep.  My insomnia is honestly horrible!  No matter how tired I am, I just toss and turn and my body starts hurting until I just give up and crawl out of bed.  There wasn't any use in trying, so instead I drag myself walk to the kitchen needing to make coffee.  Now, my Keurig Platinum Edition had broke on me like 3 weeks after my husband walked out of our lives.  Oh how I coveted liked that Keurig.  After "hubby" leaving me out of the blue and not paying me any support, a new coffee maker just wasn't in the budget.  A lovely, caring friend bought me a Mr. Coffee machine.  I threw a coffee filter in, filled it with coffee, quickly measured the water and poured it in, and hit that power button.  I grabbed a coffee cup, threw in some sugar, a little milk, then I stood there looking at the machine begging and pleading for it to hurry up and make enough coffee to use the "sneak a cup" feature and get my first cup of java.  Thankfully after what seemed like a thousand years I was able to pour a cup.  

I made my way back into the dining room and flopped down in my computer chair again.  -More like slowly sat down saying some curse words "ow oww oww's" under my breath.  I stepped in a broken outlet box of some kind in the lobby floor at Fort Rapids on Sunday.  It twisted my knee and it's just completely done right now.  Standing up, sitting down, walking down steps (one stair at a time like a 2 year old would) is causing me immense pain.  I get sat down, savor the aroma of the coffee as I'm bringing the cup to my ever waiting lips, and sigh as I'm taking a sip of the wonderful smelling, very needed, anxiously awaited coffee.  I swallow then think "what the?!"!  I take my finger and wipe my tongue.  Guess what I wiped off of it?  Yep, coffee grounds.  Really??  That's the thing I dislike the most about standard coffee makers.  If you don't get the filter in there just perfectly, you end up drinking coffee grounds.  Such a mean, cruel joke to my blurry eyed, head throbbing, self.  

After fixing the coffee situation, I sit down again in my computer chair.  This time I'm praying determined that I won't let all of this ruin my day.  I even posted about my morning on my personal facebook status and remained doubtful hopeful that the day would have to get better, it certainly couldn't get worse.  Besides, if I posted it on facebook then it had to be true that it'd get better, because it was "facebook official".  Did you know that if something is posted on facebook, then it has to be right?  My daughter and her friends had taught me that.  I thought I was being a totally hip and cool mom good mom by remembering this and posting it to help my day.

Well, let me tell ya ....apparently that bs saying about something having to be true because it's "facebook official" was nothing but a big lie.  Imagine me forcing a smile smiling, determined that my entire day wasn't going to be ruined by lack of sleep and problems from the morning, walking into my bedroom.  I stop, flip on my light and Holy Mother I gasped right out loud.  My bed, my floor, my ROOM was covered in this whitish/green fluffy material.  I unbelievably frantically start scanning my room.  As my eyes (that made my head hurt worse to move them) reached the top left corner of my bed, I almost started screaming crying.  The corner of my sheet had come off my bed. My four month old memory foam bed.  That I wanted for the last year.  That is the ONLY thing that keeps me from waking up with unrelentless pain.  That I'm still paying on when I don't even have ANY income.  Has a big sized HOLE in it!  I'm standing there horrified and look down to see that stupid "poor, sick puppy" that started this whole mess of a day, proudly looking up at me and wagging her tail.   I tried to regain my composure, as rage filled me.  I seriously didn't know whether to cry, choke scold the dog, or just throw myself down while kicking my feet, pounding my fists, and screaming at the top of my lungs!

After calming myself down a bit, I reasoned that it was partly my fault too, because my bed has a mattress cover that zips around the entire thing and I didn't have it on there.  I had washed it a few days ago and it seriously takes three of us to take it off or put it on.  Therefore, I had it laying on top of my dresser.  I decided on the spot that neither of my dogs are EVER allowed in my room again!  I don't have a real door on my bedroom though.  I have one of those cheap accordian doors on it that you can buy at Home Depot or Lowe's.  The dogs just bash it with their heads, and into the room they go.  I had a cut piece of plywood that comes up to about my knee level (too high for them to jump over it) so I've now blocked off my doorway with that, until I can find the money to buy real door to keep shut!

As I sat here watching the clock waiting on my daughter to get home from school, I decided that there was no way in the world that I was even going to attempt to make a dinner tonight.  She walked in from school and I looked at her with a wild look about me smile and calmly stated that we were going to Burger King for supper tonight and not to argue about it or say a word.  Just to smile, nod, eat, enjoy, laugh, and have a good time with it.  

So, I've decided that tomorrow will be a better day and this time I'm not making it "facebook official".  I'm making it "The Fibro Frog official" instead!  =)  Right now, it's 12:07am and here I still sit.  Still feeling like a slug.  Still in pain.  Still tired.  Still dealing with insomnia.  Tomorrow today though, I'm NOT getting out of bed at 7:10am for ANYTHING!  I shall sleep what I can, and the world will wait for me.  If not?  That's ok too!

Oh!  -That photo above?  Yeah, that is not my mattress, nor my house, nor my photo.  You want to know why?  Because I didn't have enough wits about me when it happened to take a photo of my own mattress.  Had I done that though, I have to say that my photo would be the ONLY photo of a monster  dog chewed memory foam mattress on ALL of Google Images (where I obtained the photo above).  You know what that would mean?  I could've been famous!  I could've had one of those silly photo's with a caption on it that says something dumb silly to make every person and their brother on facebook laugh, "share" and "like" it.  -And that my friends, would have really made it "facebook official".  Yep, honestly, not one other person has ever uploaded a picture of a hole chewed into a memory foam mattress, by a small, 5 pound 1/2 Jack Russell Terrier and 1/2 Pomeranian mixed puppy.  It would've OFFICIALLY been a first.  I missed my calling for fame in my despair.  ;)

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Bad Day

Do you ever have one of those days? You know, one of those days that seem bad from the moment you crack your eyes open? Well, that's been me today. I finally fell asleep last night this morning around 5am or so. I heard the kids come home around noon and cracked my eyes open not wanting to move. From there, it just seems as if it's gone downhill.

I haven't been able to stop yawning all day long. As for waking up as tired as when I went to bed? I've been more tired then when I went to bed. My head has killed me all day. I've felt as if someone yanked the plug out of the electrical socket on me. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for more then about 5 minutes at a time, and doing anything has caused extreme pain in my back. My knees? Yeah, I feel and sound like an 80 or 90 year old woman every time I go from a sitting to a standing position. I have to use the arms on the chair to help pry myself up, moaning outloud in pain as I do so. Pain or not, I was bound and determined to make supper tonight. My daughter loves my homemade broccoli, rice and cheese casserole and had asked me to make it for her. Once I had it ready to baked, and shoved it into the oven, I came back in here as quickly as I could with walking hunched over and collapsed into my computer chair. I was gasping from the pain in my back and was near tears. After resting for about 30 minutes I got up and went in to bread and fry the meat. Again, at about 1/2 through, I was in so much pain I couldn't hardly stand it. Trying to hurry, I ended up trying to fry my little finger along with the meat! Yep, while dropping a piece of meat into the boiling, bubbling grease, I stuck my little finger right down into it!! I'm not gonna lie, that made me gasp and say a few curse words under my breath as I was flipping on the cold water in which to drown my finger in. This meat,...this dang breaded and fried in HOT oil meat, was a new recipe. Guess what? It. Was. Disgusting. So, I didn't even burn my finger over something that was good. It wasn't even worth it in the slightest LOL. I took one bite and threw mine away. Yuck! So, I'd been weighing the cost of whether I should print out one copy of all of my seminar handouts then take them to Staples to have all the copies printed or if I should just print them all from home. Since the dead beat....or I mean, the man, that I'm still legally married to hasn't paid me one single penny of child support or alimony since May money has been super tight to say the least. Somehow, he had the money to take himself and his girlfriend to Cedar Point last Saturday, but miraculously he doesn't know "when" he can send my daughter and I any support according to the text her sent her. So, I decided that it may take longer, but would be more cost effective for me in my situation to just print them here at home. A new black printer cartridge is only $11.99 for me, because I buy refurbished. That sounded a ton better to me then paying out $50-$75 for copies at the store. With the day I had been having I should have known better. It printed a few copies, then it said that something was wrong with the ink cartridge. We took it out a couple times and reseeded it, to no avail. I turned it off then back on. Nope, nothing. Still that damn flashing yellow light. We unplugged it and let it sit for awhile. Still nothing. I removed the cartridge once again and used a damp coffee filter with bottled water and wiped the contacts down on the cartridge and inside the printer. Finally! It worked again! The catch? I'd set it for 40 copies and 1 would come out. Yep, one. Do you have any idea how easy hard it is to keep track of how many copies you've printed when you're sitting there clicking the print button ...waiting on the page to print ...dropping it into a pile ...then doing it all again? With a horrible headache? Being in pain and yawning all the while??! I still tolerated it and kept trying to plug along. Next thing I know, it's printing the page as if it's printed over it a hundred couple of times. What was wrong with it this time?? I don't have a clue. I gave up. I threw in the towel on it for now. Maybe I'll try again in a bit. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll find the money to go have the copies made rather then doing them themselves. I don't know. I don't know anything today/tonight! The only thing I do know tonight is that it's been a bad day and I'm sick of it! I'm ready for tomorrow to get here, as it'll have to be a better day, wouldn't it? I opened a new tab, played this song, and wrote this whining, complaining blog post! This song always helps me to feel better when I listen to it and sing along! Oh yeah, be sad I mean happy that this isn't a video post because I guarantee you that I'd never make it as a singer LOL. I do much better at sitting here complaining then I do singing. Alas, it's a feel good song that I love. Well, back to attempt the printing process yet again. I'm quickly running out of time. The seminar is Saturday. Two measly days away. I need to get crackin'!

Quality VS Quantity Of Life

Last night, I went with my kids and their friends to the little village that's 5 miles away from us.  They have a little one day festival type thing, then end the night with fireworks.  Since I wasn't able to watch fireworks on the 4th of July, I was excited to go.

Every year I take photos of the fireworks but this year, I decided to try and video them too.  My camera is a Canon T3i and it's supposed to have professional quality HD video built in.  I'd never tried using it before though, so I was fumbling around in the dark trying to figure it out lol.  I couldn't believe though, how much it hurt me to video it.  I had to tape a little, then shut the video off, then tape a little.  A minute or so into the third taping, I had to ask my daughter to take it.  I was left with horrible neck, shoulder and arm pain, and it put a charley horse in the middle of my back.  Even with the first taping I did, I missed having it centered and getting it all in, due to the pain it was causing me to hold the camera up aimed at the sky.

I was going to upload the first clip, to show how shaky I was trying to video right from the beginning, but for some reason I couldn't get it to upload to blogger.  It keeps telling me there was a problem uploading the video, but it doesn't tell me what the problem is lol. I will insert some photos of fireworks instead I guess.  I had taken some before I got the idea to try and use my video for the first time.

We all know that doing simple household tasks can be hard or even not doable at all sometimes, but it's the simple, little things, like trying to shoot a video with a camera that always throws me for a loop.  Things that people take for granted and don't even think about.  I never would've guessed how much it would hurt me to take a video.  My neck and arms still hurt this afternoon from it.  

This is no way to have to live.  Fibromyalgia (or insert Lupus, Arthritis, CFS/ME, etc) may not be fatal, but it sure stills your quality of life.  I've always believed that quality is better then quantity, and that holds true in my health and my life.  Not being able to bend over and pick something up from the floor, or run a sweeper. Being in tears after fixing a meal...sometimes in tears after just frying an egg, having to take breaks to unload and reload a dishwasher....  I could go on and on.  That's not quality, that's quantity.  I have a friend that wants my daughter, her boyfriend, and I to go to the zoo with him.  He told me to pick a day that I wouldn't be in a lot of pain.  I rolled my eyes and told my daughter and her boyfriend that this friend of mine needs to be the first one signing up for my seminar to learn the truth about living with chronic pain.  Oh how I wish I could know what day would be better then another for pain.  Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way.  

I'm asking again, for you all to please share this blog with your friends and family.  If you're a blogger yourself, please share this blog with your readers.  It's so very important to me, to educate people about life with an invisible illness that causes chronic pain.  Unless you live with it yourself, it's really hard to grasp what life is like, living this way.  Someone once said to me "At least you don't have cancer.  That could kill you and with this you won't die.".  I paused, then responded with "You're right.  It won't kill me.  Have you thought about the fact though, that people with cancer have hope?  There are solid treatment plans mapped out for all types of cancer.  A person with cancer, has hope of one day being cured.  They have hope of their pain and sickness ending.  Even if they do die, at least they aren't living for years and years in sickness and in pain.  One way or another, their pain ends.  I don't have that hope.  I know that I will have to live every day of my life hurting and sick.  If the quality of my life is going to be so limited and so painful, then do I really want to live until I'm 70? 80? 90 years old?".  I also went on to say that I know what a horrible beast cancer is, and my heart breaks for those that have to go through cancer.  Please don't think I'm an insensitive jerk because I'm not.  In fact, had I finished nursing school, I wanted to work in pediatric oncology.  This is just a way to get people to stop and think about what invisible illness and chronic pain sufferers go through.   I'm really hoping for a packed house for my seminar, because people really need to understand and learn.  They really need to stop and think.  Again, please share this site or my facebook page, and the flyer for my seminar.  I thank you all in advance!

Seminar Excitement!

Things are moving right along for my first chronic pain seminar.  A caring friend made this flyer for me last night.  I love it!  What do you all think of it?  The pastor of the church I'm going to hold it at, is emailing the flyer throughout all of the other churches in that denomination, and an elder is taking flyers to the hospital that she's a nursing supervisor at.  My daughter, Courtney, also posted the flyers in some online garage sale sites that are local to us.  Sunday, I'll be having all of the material for the seminar, including the flyers, printed up at Staples and will begin to start putting the packets together that I'll be giving out at the seminar.  

This has been a dream of mine, since I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  Although fibromyalgia is what I was diagnosed with, this seminar will help anyone who suffers from any type of chronic pain condition and/or invisible illness.  To see my dream finally coming true, is surreal to me.  Now, as long as I have people show up, I'll be feeling pretty happy!  Having people show up is probably the biggest hurdle I'm up against lol.  I'd love to be able to advertise in the newspapers around here too, but I just don't have the money for that.  My husband still is acting like he doesn't have a family.  Since he moved 3 hours away to live with some woman he met on the internet he hasn't spoke to us nor gave us any money for child support or alimony.  My hearing to get child support started isn't until the end of August.  

To know that I'm working to make my dreams come true, and actually accomplishing those dreams, fills me with a great deal of pride and personal satisfaction.  I may be sick, but I can still fight and have a voice that's heard.  I'll never give up trying to advocate for those of us with conditions such as I have.  This will be a life-long journey for me.

If everyone could leave me a comment, telling me what you would like to see discussed at a seminar such as I'll be putting on, it would mean a great deal to me.  I know what I have planned to cover, but maybe I've missed something that would be beneficial to my audience.  I'd be humbled for you all to work with me, so that I can present the best possible seminar that I can!

Patience Is A Virtue

Ever since I was a little kid, I never had any patience.  I remember my mom telling me that when I grew up, I'd become more patient.  I honestly don't think that ever happened for me though  lol.  We've all always heard that "patience is a virtue" and I'm sure we've all heard the saying "good things come to those who wait".  While both of those sayings may be true, I really believe that "the best things come to those who do".  I think a person needs to combine a little patience, with a little proactiveness to achieve what they're trying to do. 

Since February, I've wanted to break into public speaking.  I've wanted to present a seminar on living with chronic pain, from a patient's point of view.  I knew that making this a new career would take a little time, so I needed to be patient while waiting on that first big break.  I also knew, that I had to keep trying to get that first big break myself, or it'd never come. 

Avenues of social media is my new best friend.  I've blogged about wanting to present seminars, and I've tweeted about it.  I even have a face bookpage for the blog that I've shared my desires on, as well as my own personal facebook page.  If I didn't get the message out there that I wanted to educate and advocate for those living with a chronic pain and/or invisible illness, then no one would know that's what I want to do.  I wasn't going to get an email out of the blue, dropping a gig straight into my lap. 

I vowed not only to myself, but to all of you as well, that I'd never give up on trying to educate and advocate for all of us.  My hope is to bring understanding about our conditions to others, so that more people stand up and advocate for more research.  I also want to reach out to those of us, that are living with an illness, so that no one feels alone.  I want to bring real statistics into play.  I want to give those of us that need them, resources to help us cope with both the physical and mental problems we face on a day to day basis.

I've remained persistant, and plowed forward with determination.  Do you know what?  It's paid off!  I finally have my first big break.  I have a large church that approved allowing me to use their sanctuary to hold a chronic pain seminar.  After I have one or two under my belt, it'll make it so much easier for me to get other gigs.  Advertising for the seminar is my next obstacle, but I'll figure it out.  The old saying "it takes money to make money" is unfortunately very true, but then again so is the saying "where there's a will, there's a way". 

There are ways to advertise rather inexpensively, and I'll be exploring those options over the next few days.  Whatever it is that you do, whether it be pray, send good thoughts, send positive vibes, please do.  I'm praying to find several cheap ways to really get the advertisement out there for the seminar, and I'm praying that I have a good turn out for it.  I more then welcome your good thoughts and/or prayers for the same thing!  I've felt all along that I became sick for a reason, and that reason is to advocate.  My persistance, determination, and tenacity is finally going to be rewarded.  I vowed I'd never stop trying, and I'm proud to say that even though it's been a long time coming, the time is finally here!  Persistance and patience finally has paid off!

HOT GiveAway Coming Your Way

I hope you all will be as excited about this upcoming giveaway event as I am!  You'll have your choice of a $200 Kindle Fire, $200 Amazon Gift Card, or $200 Paypal Cash!!  Be on the lookout, as this event is scheduled to start July 20th and run through August 18th!  I'm so happy to be teamed up with a great bunch of fellow bloggers, to bring this opportunity to you!

Do You Just Grin and Bear It?

Today, someone left a comment on my facebook fan page for this blog.  They pretty much said that a lot of the time, they just grin and bear it so not to make others in their family feel bad for the pain they're feeling.  She asked if any one else does this too.  My response to her, was that I think everyone that lives with a chronic pain condition does that sometimes.  

Are you guilty of doing that?  I know that I am.  I know that complaining isn't going to make my pain go away, and I hate to burden those around me by making them feel bad for me or to worry about me.  No matter how much I may want to smile though, some days I just can't.  The pain, the fatigue, the depression just becomes too much to hide.  That's okay too.  

Like the saying above, some days I do feel like I'm an actress.  I get dressed for the day, brush my hair, look at myself in the mirror and tell myself "Today I won't be weak.  I'm going to be strong, and I'm going to smile.  The pain will not win today.".  I plaster a smile on my face, even if inside I'm literally crying.  I pretend that "normal" is my life, when in reality my life is as far from "normal" as it can get.  It isn't normal to take almost an hour to unload and reload a dish washer.  It isn't normal to not be able to fall asleep sometimes for 48 hours at a time.  It isn't normal, to live in constant physical pain every day of your life.  It isn't normal to have to fight off depression each and every day.  It isn't normal to wake up feeling as tired and unrefreshed as when you fell asleep.  It isn't normal to have pain on a daily basis so bad, that you sometimes cry.  It isn't normal to have your joints and muscles stiff and achy every morning when you wake up.  I could keep going with the "it isn't normal" stuff, but you know what?  For me, and for other people who suffer from a chronic pain condition, it is our normal.  We've had to learn to accept all of this.  We've had to change our perspective of what "normal" means to us.

Sometimes, I feel like I really am just going through the motions of life.  It's just what people with a chronic pain condition have to do.  We have to adapt to what normal means to us.  If more research were to be done on chronic pain conditions, then maybe a concrete treatment plan would be found.  One that would allow chronic pain sufferers to change their perspective of normal, but to what society accepts as normal.  This will never ever happen, unless there's more funding for research.  There will never be more funding for research, unless there's a demand for that funding to be made available.  There will never be a demand for funding, if people can't understand.  People will never understand, if no one ever stands up and speaks out.  I'm willing to do that.  I want to do that.  I want to educate the world on what it's like to live a life of constant, chronic pain and fatigue.  Please consider donating to my "Go Fund Me" account, so I can start educating.  So I can start demanding, that progress in research be made for people like us.  We deserve to be able to smile on the outside, without silently crying on the inside.  We deserve to be able to go on family outings with our family, instead of staying home alone because the pain is too bad.  We deserve to be able to clean our homes, and make a meal for our family, without it bringing us to tears.  We deserve a normal life.

Keeping My Chin Up

My appointment with my rheumatologist was this past Thursday.  I also had to have a consult with gyn while I was there, and I had some tests ordered to do that day as well.  I knew it was going to be a long day, and it really was.  I left my house around 6:30am and I didn't get home until going on 9pm.  I was completely exhausted.

Due to some of the symptoms I've been having, and the results of one of my tests, I have to go back and have an endometrial biopsy done.  I've been told that the experience isn't pleasant, at it's best.  The doctor even warned me to take pain meds about an hour before the procedure.  I'm not looking forward to it, what-so-ever.  If it needs to be though, then it needs to be done.

My appointment with rheumatology went ok.  She marked down that my condition is "deteriorating".  My pain and insomnia flares kind of told me that though.  I didn't get my huge "miracle pill" that I was hoping for. I didn't get a med change at all, except to double my dose of amitriptyline and she added a very low dose of prozac for me to take in the mornings.  She started me at 10mg, but said if I tolerate it then in 2-4 weeks to go to 20mg each morning.  She said she didn't want my body to have to adjust to too many things at once, where she'd doubled the amitriptyline.

Besides marking on a form that my health status is deteriorating, she also wrote on the form "Fibromyalgia - widespread pain, fatigue, depression, pain all over, inability to concentrate, difficulty with memory" then "depression, anxiety, a lot of stress".  Even though I knew all of this before walking into that appointment, even that my health status was worse, it still felt kind of bad to see it in writing.  I want a job so bad; I need a job so bad, and this just reinforced to me that I'm not going to be able to ever hold a regular job.  

Right before I left, Dr. Gota told me that she's helping out with a research study and asked me if I was willing to participate.  The study is being privately funded, and it's looking for a certain protein that can be found in the white blood cells of patients with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.  The study may provide important information on opportunities for the development of therapeutic strategies against this disease.  They'll be looking at approx. 20 patients to take place in the study.  All I needed to do was allow them to take one tube of blood from me.  Of course, I happily signed the consent form and had the blood drawn.  I told them anything I could possibly do that might help aid in either a cure or a concrete treatment plan, I was willing to do.  I constantly preach on here about advocacy and more research needing to be done.  What kind of hypocrite would I have been to say no to them? LOL  I'll admit, it excited me and gave me a ray of hope, knowing that a new study is being conducted!  We need MORE studies and clinical trials in this field.

I'm sad knowing that my health is deteriorating.  I'm discouraged about money and how to pay my bills.  I'm worried about the endometrial biopsy and what it might show.  Through all of this, I've decided to keep my chin up and do my best to have a positive attitude.  IF my biopsy comes back bad, at least they'll have caught it.  The Cleveland Clinic is also the number 1 rated place for cancer treatment in Ohio.  Those are both positives.  I may be short around $160 (more if I have to buy any more groceries between not & then) for next months bills, but at least I have enough money to cover THIS month's bills and the hope of making enough money to cover July's bills too.  -I have my older camera, a Canon EOS Digital Rebel 300D for sale on craigslist right now.  My body may not allow me to get a "traditional" job, but I can keep the faith about getting a seminar on chronic pain and/or invisible illness going.  I may have a break, a church may donate space to me for me to hold a seminar there.  I'll find out in a week or two for sure.  Then, I'll just have to come up with a cheap way to advertise the seminar.  My health sucks, to just put it out there, but no matter how bad my health is, someone else out there has it worse.  

Education, advocacy, and awareness.  I'll never stop preaching about those three words.  Those three little words are not only my ticket to a career, but also to finding a cure for this nasty illness.  The ticket to developing a concrete treatment plan that will work.  Then, none of us will have to feel this way anymore.  A positive attitude may be the difference between succeeding or failing.  I choose to succeed.  If you know of a company, business, or organization that may be interested in helping me to succeed then please pass along this blog or the link to my "Go Fund Me" page.  If I could raise enough donations to rent space and to advertise, for 2-3 seminars, then I think I'd be set.  I'm keeping my chin up.  When the time is right in God's plan, this will all come together for me.  Of that, I'm confidant. 

Praying For A Miracle Or Two

My tests and appointments I was supposed to have last month, was rescheduled to this coming Thursday, the 14th.  Last month when we got there and found that the entire building had been shut down due to no electric and no water, I cried on the way home.  I cried, because for one: I just wanted the tests over with to maybe get further diagnosis and treatment so I'd start feeling better.  The second reason I cried, was because I so badly need my meds changed.  I need some relief.  I deserve some relief. 

I'm praying so hard, that I can get a med change that will make my life easier to live each day.  I want, more then anything, to find a medicine or combination of medicines, that will allow me live life as normally as possible.  Those of you who live with chronic pain will understand what I mean, but for those of you that doesn't live with a chronic pain condition, I'm not sure that I can fully make you understand.  I wish there was some way to adequately describe the type of pain, and the intensity of the pain, that I experience daily. 

Fibromyalgia, as well as many other chronic pain conditions, causes depression.  It's embarrassing to admit that I struggle with depression, because just like fibro, people who doesn't suffer, can't understand.  Every time someone tells me "Well just cheer up and be happy....just look at all the positive things in your life", it cuts me a little deeper.  I DO try to cheer up.  I DO see the positive things in my life.  I DO try to force a (fake) smile on my face.  I don't want to feel this way.  I want to be happy.  Unfortunately, there isn't much to do about it though, depression is listed as a symptom of fibromyalgia.  It's just a fact.

Another factor of fibromyalgia, is that stress intensifies all of your symptoms.  It creates flares.  Flares in pain.  Flares in insomnia.  Flares in depression.  Since my husband walked out and told me he wants a divorce, April 8, 2012, I've had one flare after another.  I may not like the fact he wants a divorce, but I loved him enough that I could deal with it.  I could deal with it because if he truly wasn't in love with me anymore, then I wanted him to be happy.  I loved him that much.  What I can't deal with though, is the fact that he hasn't spoke to me in over a month now.  He hasn't spoke to our daughter in over a month now.  She's left message after message for her father, telling him she loves him and misses him, and practically begging him to call her or text her.  He just ignores it.  I also can't deal with the fact that he not only walked away from me, and walked away from his kids, but he's now also walked away from his job.  We've heard he quit his job and moved about 3hrs or so away. 

Now, I have the stress of knowing I'm not going to get any child support at all, because he's thrown his (good) job away.  We won't have insurance anymore, and that's very stressful to me.  Especially where I depend on medicine to try and help me get through my days.  I have the stress of not knowing how I'm going to pay my bills and keep the household running, where I'm sick.

Yesterday, I went with my daughter to her boyfriends house.  His mom is a friend of mine, and had been asking me to come over.  They recently bought a new house that has an inground swimming pool.  The plan was that we would swim with the kids.  When I got there, she wanted me to go to the store with her.  I was excited to be out of the house, and eagerly agreed.  She ended up stopping at three stores.  By the time we came out of the last store, I was fighting back tears from pain.  She was sitting in the Blazer looking at me, as I stood there with the door open.  When I looked at her and saw her looking at me like I was dumb for still standing there in the hot heat, I started laughing.  I told her "I honestly don't know if I can get in or not.  My back and legs are hurting so bad, I'm not sure if I can raise my leg enough to get in or not.".  She too is a chronic pain sufferer, so she could relate and started laughing too.

Besides the pain that outing caused, I was completely exhausted.  I even was tripping over my own feet trying to walk once we got back to her house.  All I could think about was, "If I'm in this bad of shape from just being on an hour and a half outing, how in the world would I ever make it through ONE single shift at a job?".  How in the world will it be possible for me to support myself and my daughter?  Of course, thoughts like these have led to me feeling sad and depressed again. 

Everyone keeps telling me "Go apply for food stamps and medicaid.  Apply for disability.".  I don't want to be a "welfare case" the rest of my life.  More then anything I don't want that.  It's embarrassing and humiliating.  Everyone looks down on you.  It makes me feel like a total piece of crap, and it steals your dignity and self-esteem.  I want to earn my money.  I want to be able to walk into a store holding my head high, and buy the food and items we need (and want), feeling the pride and self-satisfaction that I earned this money.  I don't want to have to look over my shoulder to make sure no one I know is around to see me using a food stamp card.  I don't want to live off the system.  I want the right to earn my place in society.  Contributing and making things better, not sucking the system dry and "taking" from the people in my county.  My state.  My nation.  It makes me feel so bad and low, that even typing this out is causing me to fight back tears.

Disability?  It's just another program.  One that from horror stories I've been told and read, causes you to basically beg and gravel and plead, to get a few hundred dollars a month.  A program that you have to fight for, that sometimes takes a year or two, to get approved.  Do these people honestly think that I truly want to be told that I'm "disabled"?  No, I don't.  It makes me mad.  I wish every worker for that program, had to live at least one week in my life.  See how bad it feels.  Deal with the pain and the insomnia.  Deal with the depression.  Deal with emotions I have, about having every shred of self-respect and dignity stripped from them, like I feel. 

I believe in God.  I believe that everything happens for a reason.  I believe that it's all part of God's plan, and eventually things will work out the way that HE wants them to.  I've been told so many times that everything happens on HIS time table, not mine.  For the life of me though, I can't understand way God would want me to feel this way another day longer.  -Another minute longer, for that matter.  There has to be a way for me to be able to make a living to support my daughter and myself.  There just has to be.  I thought that public speaking, seminars for advocacy work, is what God wanted me to do and why I got sick and my husband left.  It doesn't appear that's the answer though.  At least not right now, or doors would be opening for me in that regard. 

No matter how bad each day seems to be, no matter how much worse I feel my situation gets each day, I will always keep the hope, faith, and love, and I'll continue to believe that a solution to my problems will be laid out infront of me.  I'm praying for a couple of miracles.  I'm praying that Thursday my doctor will make a medication change for me, that will give me enough relief that I can work.  I'm also praying that a job to support us with, will be delivered to me.  I've tried to brainstorm, and keep the wheels turning each and every day, to come up with a job that I can do in my present condition.  A job that will provide what we need.  This syndrome has even stripped me of the pride to continue to think of myself as a good mother.  Afterall, a good mother would work to support her children, wouldn't she?  I'm also praying for a miracle of a cure to be found.  One that will completely heal my poor, broken body, mind, and spirit, and allow me to feel like a good citizen again. 

As I continue to pray for these miracles, I ask you to join me and pray for them too.  If God shows YOU a job I could do in my present state, please let me know.  Help me to support myself and my daughter.  Help to make me feel human again, and like I'm a positive contributor to society.  Believe me, I'm open to any and all suggestions that any of you may have. 



Spiraling In A Dark Abyss

Every time I get my feet beneath me again, and start to feel like everything will be alright from my husband walking out on my daughter and I, something else happens.  The long, dark spiral starts again.  I feel like I'm spiraling out of control in a dark abyss.  Then starts the routine of once again, trying to find my footing.

Yesterday, my daughter sent a text to her grandmother.  She was trying to get a message to her dad that she wanted to talk to him.  She's been trying to contact him for 3.5 weeks now, with him never returning a phone call.  Her grandmother sent her a text back saying that her dad had quit his job and moved.  She asked her grandmother where he moved to, and if he has a new job.  Her grandmother sent a text back that said "Don't know".  That, made my daughter cry for hours on end asking me questions such as "If my dad loves me then why doesn't he at least send me a text asking how I'm doing?  If my dad cares about me, then why wouldn't he have seen me and told me in person he was moving away and quitting his job?".

I had noticed that when he took his entire paycheck out of an ATM within minutes of it hitting Thursday night, that he'd done so at an ATM in Zanesville, OH.  I wondered then why he'd be that far away (3hrs from where we live) at almost midnight on a work night.  It all makes sense now.  The weekend that he "disappeared", then came home on that Sunday night (Easter Sunday), all he would tell me is that he'd been about 3hrs from home, and that he'd been east of Columbus, OH.  When I asked "where east of Columbus" he'd told me it was none of my business.  I guess he obviously had met someone from that area somehow while he was still with me.  =(

My daughter was freaking out that her dad quit his job.  She kept saying "How will we live if he doesn't have a job for us to get child support and alimony from him?".  I told her I didn't have all of the answers right this minute, but not to worry that we'd be fine.  That we always turn out fine.  Nothing would appease her.  On the inside, I too was freaking out wondering the same thing.  I also was scared and worried about us losing our health insurance.  I have all of my tests and appointments rescheduled for The Cleveland Clinic on June 14th.  My dad told me that he was pretty sure that they'd started taking health insurance out of my husband's checks a month before it went into effect, so we should still have it for all of this month yet.  It appears he must be right, because it was still showing in effect today went I checked it again.

My father called and asked to speak to my daughter.  My mom had told him what I'd told her, about how scared, worried and upset Courtney was.  He told her that she isn't in this alone, that she'd always have me, him, and my mother and that all three of us will always do everything we can for her.  He told her that him and my mom would never let her go without something she really needed.  I'm so grateful to have the parents I do.  I'm an only child, and I love my parents so very much.

I can't begin to stress to all of you, how much I hate being chronically ill.  All of this, would be so much easier for me to handle, and so much less stressful, if I could just go out and apply for any job opening there is.  The cold, hard realities though, is that I can't.  No matter how much I truly want to work and bring in a paycheck, I can't.  I ended up crying yesterday too, telling my daughter that she's equally mine and her dads responsibility and I feel that I'm letting her down just as much as he is.  I told her how sorry I am that I can't work to bring in a paycheck so that she wouldn't have to worry so much.  My health, is making me a crappy parent.  I love all four of my kids so very much, that it just kills me mentally to not be able to work to provide my underage daughter with the things she needs and deserves.

All I could think about doing most of the day and evening yesterday was to go into my room, crawl into bed,  and cry myself to sleep then just stay there for a week.  I didn't do that though.  That would solve nothing.  That would just worry and frighten my daughter more then she already was.  This wasn't a solution.

I still don't have a solution to my problems.  I still don't know what to do.  I've always been a chronic worrier all of my life, and I will freely admit that I am so tired, so very mentally exhausted, of worrying about everything all alone.  I wish more then anything right now, that I had someone to hug me and hold me, and tell me everything will work out in the end.  I've been shouldering so much on my own in the last two months, that when I think of it, it astounds me.

The stress and worry that I have, throws me into flares.  Both pain and insomnia flares.  Alas, I crawled my way out of bed today.  I sat down at my computer, and I sent off yet another email asking for help in holding a chronic pain and invisible illness seminar.  It's become more then obvious to me, that the only way I'm going to be able to get a start in that business, is to somehow raise the funds to hold two or three of them on my own.  Come up with the money to rent a space, a conference room to hold them in, to purchase tickets with, and to pay for advertising for them, on my own.  Holding a few on my own will help to get my name out there.  I'll have something to put sample clips of, on YouTube.  People and organizations will be more willing to take a risk on me.  I knew this a few days ago, which is why I finally bit the bullet and opened a Go Fund Me account.  Now, even more than then, it's so important for me to be able to do this and as quickly as possible.  I'd never ask an individual to contribute to my Go Fund Me Account.  I know that this economy is horrible and times are tough for everyone right now.  I have to ask you all though, that if you have an affiliation with any corporation, organization, or business that may be willing to make a donation, that you please pass along my information.

If I can even hit even the $1000 mark in my account, then I'll start checking out prices of conference rooms and advertising.  If it's enough to hold the first one, I'll be on it right away.  I just truly don't know what to do to provide a living for my daughter and myself, besides this.  Today, Courtney and her boyfriend did a ton of work to the house for me.  I felt so guilty that I couldn't help them with what they were doing.  I went to the laundry room and started a load of laundry.  I was out of breath and in pain, so I had to come sit down.  After sitting for a bit I hoisted myself up again, and unloaded the dish washer.  Then again, I sat.  Then, I went out and loaded the dish washer.  I was in tears from the bending.  I also cleaned off my china cabinet today and dusted it.  Again, I had to break it up into small increments.  I did these things after pre-medicating myself with a pain pill.  I still was in tears from the pain.  Right now, my arms are killing me.  It's killing them just sitting here typing.  My shoulders are killing me, I can't even raise my arms above my head.  My neck hurts so badly, that I can barely turn my head from one side to the other or up and down.  My back is killing me.  My knees, and upper legs are aching and burning.  -And what did I do to cause all of this debilitating pain?  I threw some dirty towels in a washer, I unloaded and reloaded a dish washer, and I cleaned off a china cabinet (that seems to be a catch-all for everyone to throw everything on) and dusted it.  Not very much in the grand scheme of things, was it?  How in the world, can I get a "real" job and support us?  I just don't see how it's possible.  I had used up so many spoons today doing these few small tasks, that I couldn't even make supper tonight.  My daughter made ramen noodles.  She made some for me too, and I didn't even have the energy to eat them.  I took a few bites, then gave mine to her.  I was too tired to eat, and in so much pain that I didn't have an appetite.

I'm the type of person that doesn't like to ask for help from anyone.  My flight or fight instinct has kicked in though, and I don't really have a choice.  I have to ask you all, to please share my blog and my desire to make a career out of public speaking.  I ask you all to please think long and hard of any corporation or organization that might be willing to help me.  The more people that see and/or hear about my blog and my dream career of leading seminars, the better chance I have to make this dream come true and to start earning a living for my daughter and I.  I'm so very grateful for each and every one of you that's a part of my life here on my blog, and on my blog's facebook page.  It's comforting to me, to know that I'm not alone in my pain, and my daily struggles.  Thank you all for being here.

Education, Motivation, and Advocacy Seminars

It's become more then obvious, that if I want to conduct seminars on living with chronic pain/invisible illnesses, that I'm going to have to take the initiative to get things rolling for me.  Paid public speaking is a hard thing to break into until you have really made a name for yourself.  Opportunities are not going to just fall into my lap.  If I want this, then I need to make it happen.

As much as I didn't want to, I've opened a Go Fund Me account.  I'll be seeking donations, with the overall goal of collecting $5,000.  I need this money, to have the funds to rent a couple hotel conference rooms and pay for advertising, to get my first few seminars under way.  I'm also going to have to purchase a video camera so that my first few seminars can be recorded, then I can upload clips of it to YouTube, so that potential clients will see what I have to offer.  I've been approached by two different people so far, asking if I have any clips uploaded to  YouTube.  No clips, meant no work for me.

I'm confident that if I can book a few seminars on my own, that word will spread about me and I'll be able to make a career out of paid public speaking.  I want to educate, advocate, and motivate.  Not only individuals who suffer from chronic pain and/or invisible illnesses, but also doctors, nurses, politicians, pharmaceutical companies, the general population.  Nothing will ever change in the world concerning chronic pain conditions, unless people know about them, and understand them.  My hope is that someday soon, enough people will be aware of the facts of these conditions, that more research will be conducted and a cure, or at the very least, a concrete treatment plan will be found.  Right now there's too many myths about these conditions circulating that need to be dispelled.  

If you know of any company, corporation, or organization that would believe in me and what I'm trying to do, please point them to me and/or my donation page.  I absolutely hate asking for help, but I'm left with no choice but to swallow my pride and ask for donations.  This is too important to me to not make it happen just because I don't have the money to do so on my own.  You can find my donation page HERE.  Please help me spread the word.  Help me to get my voice heard.  Thank you all in advance!