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Showing posts with label speakers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label speakers. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Win A Coach Madison Dotted OP Art Small Wristlet

I'm so excited over this one, as I'm sure many of you will be too! Who likes Coach?! Good luck to all of you!




One lucky winner will win



COACH MADISON DOTTED OP ART SMALL WRISTLET
Value $ 48.00

This giveaway will be from:
Jan 15 to Feb. 14, 2013

US Only

18+ years or older.









NYSavingSpecials is not responsible for prizes.  Every entry on this giveaways is optional.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2013 - The Year Of HOPE


On one hand, it seems as if 2012 lasted a decade.  On the other hand, I just can't believe that it's 2013 already.  I know, that doesn't make much sense, does it?  2012 brought some hard knocks for me.  One's that I never thought I could pull myself out of.  I caught myself saying over and over "Gosh I wish this year would just hurry up and get over.  I want to wipe 2012 away and never look back on it".  But you know what?  As bad, ...and trust me, it's been bad, of a year as it was, I still have things I'm thankful for.  If not for having a second opinion from The Cleveland Clinic, I wouldn't have started The Fibro Frog.  Of course if I wasn't sick, I never would've had that appointment, to start this blog either so I have to also be grateful that I'm sick.  That just sounds completely crazy, doesn't it?  Really, it isn't though.  This blog (and corresponding facebook page) has lifted my self-esteem more notches then I ever thought possible.  The feedback I've received about the blog and facebook page, has brought me joy and peace.  Being told "Thank you", and words such as I've helped them out of a dark place, that I've inspired them to keep going, etc. has just meant the world to me.  If not for all of this ....the sickness, the doctors, the pain, the blog, the facebook page, I wouldn't have met so, so, many wonderful people.  People that even though I've never met in person, have stood beside me.  Held my hand.  Picked me up when I've needed it.  I've had some ladies that I've been "friends" with for around 10 years now.  We met on another internet site, and continued our friendship on facebook.  In my darkest hours, when I've felt completely defeated and felt like giving up on everything this past year, they've held me, pushed me, and motivated me. When I fell down this past year, they'd pull me right back up.

When I first started The Fibro Frog, I was doing so much researching.  Spending hours a day looking up information, reading, and studying anything I could get my hands on (or eyes on in this computer world I guess lol) .  The more I researched, and the more I read, the more disgusted I became about the minimal research that's been done on not just Fibromyalgia, but on chronic pain illnesses in general.  It didn't take me long to realize that advocating for more research in these areas, to educate others who do not live with the day to day pain that I, and millions of others, live with was my new passion.  I told my husband, that I wanted to slowly put together a seminar on living with chronic pain.  I told him not only did I want to gear the seminar to those who have a chronic pain condition, but I also felt it very important for them to bring their family and friends too.  I had already realized myself, that it's almost impossible to make others really understand what it's like for us to live just one day with the pain we have.  Any help I can give to a fellow Fibromite to help their family understand, is well worth the effort. This seminar was to provide not only tips, tricks, common treatment plans, ways to help you communicate with your friends and family about what it's really like to have a chronic pain or a chronic pain and fatigue illness, but it also was to speak directly to those non-sufferers that's sitting in the audience too.  To give them a glance at what it's really like for "us".  That their loved one wasn't just lazy, ..wasn't just crazy.  I told my husband that I'd give anything to be able to have every doctor and every nurse in the entire U.S. sitting in that audience too, because so many of them treat those of us with a debilitating illness like we're liars.  Pain pill seekers.  Dirt. Trash. Like we're so beneath them.  Sound harsh?  -It's not as harsh as when someone you're going to in the medical profession,  asking for help ...begging  for help in some cases, makes you feel this way.  Long story short?  He looked at me, rolled his eyes and made a snorting sound, then turned and walked away from me to go watch tv.  I can't tell you how much that stung.  Another time that just drilled it in even deeper to build the seminar was when he said something to the effect of "when your meds start working".  I sat there and looked at him.  I said "You DO know that the medicine isn't a cure right? There isn't any cure for what I have." -Now keep in mind that he had been with me to every single doctor appointment that I had been to.  His response?  He said "There isn't a cure?  I thought if you took the medicine that you'd be fine."  I couldn't believe it.  It really stung to know he'd been to every appointment with me and obviously hadn't cared enough to even listen to what two different doctors had told me.

Two months later, he walked out walked out on me and wanted a divorce, completely out of the blue.  The number one reason he cited for leaving me was "I'm too stressed out about your health.  I just can't take it anymore".  I'll bet you all can imagine how much that hurt me.  I'd been with him for 20 years.  Back in my 20's and early 30's I'd worked my butt off.  I worked 3 part time jobs.  Another time I worked one full time job and 2 part time jobs ...all while carrying 18-20 hours in nursing school and raising four children.  Unfortunately though, I hadn't worked in years due to my health.  My husband was my only income.  When he left, so did my income. I knew I had to start working on putting the chronic pain seminar together way quicker (In fact, at least a year quicker) then I'd originally planned.  There is just no way that I can work a "typical" job with my health the way it is.  I started diving head first into education and advocacy.  Hence, "Living With Chronic Pain - A Patient's View" was born.  Not without a lot of nudging and encouragement from the wonderful people that's in my life though. I feel so lucky, ...so honored, to have "met" all of the wonderful Fibromites that I've encountered along my journey with facebook and The Fibro Frog.  I've decided, that as bad as 2013 was for me, that it also gave me a lot of blessings.  Therefore, I can't just push it behind me and forget about it. In the last few days, I'd even feel guilty when I'd catch myself thinking about how "awful" 2012 was and how I couldn't wait to move on to 2013.  

Now that 2013 is here, I'm jumping in feet first.  I'm embracing 2013 as the year of HOPE.  Hope that there will be more research.  Hope that a cure may be found.  Hope that a treatment plan that actually works universally will come to light.  Hope that I can educate and advocate to help others. Hope that I'll be able to launch a new career while helping others.  Hope to make even more new fibro friends ...or friends who suffer from any chronic pain and/or fatigue condition.  I hope to make a difference not only in my life in 2013, but also into the lives of others.  I'll be posting one motivational quote a day, to help keep me on track and  show me that there's hope.  There is ALWAYS hope in every situation in life.  Without hope, what do we have? We might as well lay down, curl up, and wait for death to overcome us.

I can't tell you the amount of people who has told me that they'd love to attend one of my seminars.  I've had people tell me that if I booked anywhere within their state, that they'd drive to be present.  Funding has been a big problem for me, to go and present the seminar.  After a lot of thinking and consideration, I've decided to turn "Living With Chronic Pain - A Patient's View" into a Webinar.  Solves the problems of needing a lot of cash for advertising, travel expenses, and conference room rental, and the amount of people I could reach this way is limitless.  Anyone who wants to attend will be able to do so, right from the comfort of their home. For the first few webinar's that I conduct, I'm only going to take five people per session.  The webinar will last approximately 2 hrs, give or take depending on how many questions we get.  In such a small group, I'm not anticipating so many questions that we'd go over a 2hr time slot, but you never know I guess lol.  

Saturday January 12th is the date for the first webinar.  I'm going to run three sessions that day.  I'll have one  from 3-5pm EST, one from 7-9pm EST, and the last one will be 11pm-1am EST.  I'm also offering two session on Sunday January 13th.  The time slots for those are: 3-5pm and 7-9pm, both time slots are EST.  

I'm also offering a fun special to kick the webinar off with!  On the registration form I have a spot asking who referred you.  For every person that signs up, pays for their spot, and lists your name in the referral spot of the sign up form, you'll get one entry into a drawing to get your seminar FREE. If you've already paid me for your spot, then I will reimburse you for your fee.  I'll take referrals up to noon EST on Saturday January 12th.  So what are you waiting for?  Sign up and share the link with your family and friends!  To sign up and to get the URL to share, just click HERE!

Just remember, 2013 is the year of HOPE.  For all of us.  You never know, this could be the  year that scientists get a break and figure out a cure for our pain, insomnia, and memory problems.  I'm wishing all of you a happy, healthy, hopeful new year.  Sending a gently butterfly hug out to all of you!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Entry Form For Christmas Giveaway Is Live!


Welcome to The Fibro Frog's 1st Annual Holiday Gift Guide and Countdown To Christmas Giveaway!  We had EIGHT Wonderful Companies Take Part In This Giveaway.  I Approached Companies That Had Products I Felt Was Beneficial For Those Who Suffer From Chronic Pain Illnesses.

Make Sure To Go To Previous Posts To Read About Each Company, And What They've Graciously Offered For This Giveaway!  A Quick Recap On The Prizes:

1. Mediflow Waterbase Pillow
2. Bed Lounge
3. Eat Smart Digital Scales
4. Maddy Moo Design Your Own Morgan Bag
5. Bag Of Hand Dipped Soap Petals
6. Fibro Awareness Bracelet
7. 26 Bird-E Towels
8. A Gift Of Cookies

ONE Winner Will Be Drawn On Christmas Day, and That Person Will Win All 8 Gifts! How Exciting Is That?!

Enter To Win Below!  Good Luck Everyone, and Thanks For Making The First Year Of The Fibro Frog Even More Successful Then I Could Have Ever Imagined.  Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

In The Terms & Conditions On The Bottom Of The RC, It States That This Giveaway Is For U.S. Resident's, Ages 18 and Over, Only.  I Figured I Better Put It Here Where It's More Visible Too.  -Also In The Terms & Conditions It States That The Fibro Frog, Facebook, Nor Rafflecopter Is Responsible For Prizes Being Shipped, Lost, or Damaged.  Each Item Will Be Shipped From The Company Directly To The Winner.


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Another Year Older

Today is my birthday.  I'm 42 years old today, yet I feel like I'm at least 72 years old.  I awoke to sharp stabbing pains in my lower stomach, thanks to IBS.   I thought I may pass out from the sharp pain.  I have a few times in the past.  Waking with the pain today has left me feeling exhausted and sad, and I guess I'd have to say kind of hopeless.  I don't know how else to describe it.  I'm weak and I'm shaky.  I just feel kind of completely defeated today.

I so badly had hoped for enough money by now to present a seminar.  The lack of funding help just proves to me how much these seminars are truly needed.  If every day people had even an inkling of how much real, physical pain people like me live with, they'd give up a large coffee from a specialty shop to make even a $5 donation.  People that aren't suffering though, just don't get it.  I can't be mad at people for not understanding how important these seminars are, and how important it is to bring awareness for more research, because if I wasn't afflicted myself, I wouldn't get it either.

I sit around, and chide myself about the fact that I'm not just independently wealthy.  If I was, then I'd never ask for a drop of help.  I'd fly across the country presenting one seminar after another, and making donations to research myself.  Again, I have no one to blame except for myself that I'm not independently wealthy.  I come from a middle class family, and grew up with my parents always telling me that I could be and do anything in life that I wanted to.  I could have gone to college and made something of myself.  Instead, I chose to graduate a year early from high school, so that I could get married.  I was still 17 when I married.  Five months later, I found myself pregnant with my first child, Nichole.

Nichole is making the life for herself, that I wish I'd have been smart enough to make for myself.  She's now in the graduate program at DU, and is going to continue on her education to get her PhD.  She'd posted a status on facebook today, that she'd received a copy of a final report that she helped to complete the research on.  She said seeing her name as a research contributor to this report, alongside two top PhD economists, reminded her why she's put in so much work.  She also has landed a job while she's in grad school as a portfolio manager for GSA, starting out at $50,000 a year.  -Not too shabby for still being in school.  This doesn't even touch on the fact that she's also a teachers assistant in the economics department at DU and even has her own office and office hours on campus.

It's too late for me to look back and see what I should have done in my life when I was young enough to grab the world by the horns.  That won't help me a bit here in today.  At this point, all I can do is take a deep breath, look forward, and keep taking baby steps until I get to where I want to go.  Nichole is my inspiration in all of this.  Like I'd said, I was raised in a middle class family, but where I didn't get a college education, and neither did Nikki's father, she was raised in poverty.  The fact that she hasn't let that stop her, she's worked and put herself through college and now grad school, is a huge inspiration to me.  If my own daughter can beat the odds, and obtain exactly what she wants out of life, then how in the world can I just lay down and quit?  I can't.  I may never, ever, reach my goal.  I may not be a big activist and advocate, that people recognize my name.  I may never be able to make a living as an advocate and motivational speaker.  What I will promise you though, is that I won't ever stop trying.  Sure, I have days where I feel like giving up.  I have days where I tell myself that I was dumb to even try and think I could do this.  I allow myself to feel sad for a time, then I pull myself up again by the boot straps, and I send out another email.  I make another awareness photo and share it.  I come make a post on this blog.

Even if I never, ever reach my goal, I will die knowing that I did the best I could and that I never gave up.  It's embarrassing to me, to ask for donations.  That's one of the reasons I made one of my photos/sayings into a key chain and am holding a fundraiser selling the key chains.  It makes me feel a tad bit better knowing that someone is going to get something tangible out of their donation to my cause.  Embarrassed or not though, I know that I'm not asking and doing this just for myself.  I'm also doing it for the approximate 116 million of us that suffer from some sort of chronic pain condition here in the U.S.  With that said, my key chain fundraiser is going on through November 24th.  If you'd share about it through your social media networks, I'd be forever grateful.  I'm trying so hard to get at least 50 of them ordered.  With an order of 50, I get the back side of the key chains printed for free.  The link to the fundraiser is here: Key Chain Fundraiser.  If you'd rather make a straight up donation, the link to my GoFundMe account is here: GoFundMe Account.

Here's a photo of my inspiration to succeed.  My beautiful, successful daughter, Nikki.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

One Final Push


My birthday is in 12 days, November 18th, and I had been hoping to have raised enough funds to hold at least ONE chronic pain seminar by then.  It's looking pretty dismal at this point, but I wanted to make one final push to try and still hit my goal.  I realize that the economy isn't the greatest, and that the holidays are quickly approaching, so if you can't make a financial contribution I completely understand.  What I'm asking for though, is if you aren't able to make a donation, would you take just a couple of minutes out of your day, to share my fundraising page or else this blog post, throughout your media sites?  If even 50 people shared, and asked their friends/family to also reshare, the final reach of what I'm trying to do could be phenomenal! I'm not just trying to advocate and educate just for myself, and I'm doing it for myself and the approximately 116 MILLION people in the U.S. that suffer from a chronic pain condition.  It would mean so very much to me, if you all would share and ask for reshares.  It doesn't cost you anything, and it only takes a couple of minutes.  Please help my voice to be heard.  Although my fundraising link is on the right hand side of the homepage on my blog, here's also a direct link to it as well: Click Here For Fundraising Page  A huge "thanks" and a gentle butterfly hug to those who are willing to help me get the word out about my birthday goal.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Everything Hurts


Last night was rough pain wise and it's continued through the entire day and night tonight.  I can't hardly move.  When the pain is this bad, it starts to really get me down and make me feel depressed.  Even my head, upper legs, and the back of my arms hurt tonight, in addition to my every day pain of neck, shoulders, knees, lower back, and mid-back.  I'm so sick of hurting all the time.  I just wish that I could look and feel good for one single day ...and when that day arrived have the money to take advantage of it by going shopping, out to eat, then out to a movie or live performance or something.  I want to walk around, and laugh and have fun.  I want to go out and walk through parks, taking nature photos as I go.  I used to do this.  It would hurt me, but it was doable.  Now?  No way.  I used to take my camera pretty much anywhere I went.  Now, not only can't I stop along the side of a road to walk out in the middle of a field to take a photo I may want to take, but I can't even hold the camera up long enough to walk anywhere with it.  Well, I can hold it up, it just causes me extreme pain in my arms, neck and shoulders.  So therefore, I can't still do it.  Not enjoyably anyway.

I can't convey the excitement I'd feel when I would take photos.  The excitement of getting home and downloading them all, to see what natural beauty I had captured at that particular second in the universe.  That nano-second in time that could never, ever be reproduced.  The photo above is one of those nano-seconds that I captured.  The top of the cloud looks as if it's lined with silver.  Rays of golden light opening up out of the cloud and reaching towards the sky.  As if it's a tunnel of light to heaven.  All of the rays of gold to the right side of the photo.  Like rays of golden hope.  Hope, that if I keep talking; that if I keep writing; if I keep advocating for more research, that maybe, just maybe a cure or at least a concrete universal treatment plan may be found.  If not found in time for me to utilize it, then at least in time for my daughter or others younger then me, to take advantage of it.  

It really hurts my heart, that so many people (most people) just doesn't have a clue how bad this pain can be.  I call these people DHAC's, which stands for "doesn't have a clue".  Most DHAC's are well-meaning people and aren't trying to hurt us, or make us mad, they just honestly really DHAC.  I have a DHAC in my life.  She is the sweetest woman in her early 50's and she really cares about me.  She's pretty much the only adult IRL (in real life) friend that I have anymore, and I'm pretty sure I won't even have her for much longer.  At least once every week or two she'll call me up telling me that I need to get myself out of my house.  She'll tell me how I should be going to the gym to do cardio and weight lifting with her.  The best thing that she regurgitates at me at least once a week?  "Well, you know my BFF K. that I've had for 30 years.  She has fibro and she gets around so much better then you do.  You just need to snap out of it.".  OR....she tells me over and over how there's a 60 year old woman who works out at her gym who has Fibromyalgia so if she can do it, then I certainly should be able to do it too.

See, that's the funny thing about Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, arthritis, even auto-immune diseases such as Lupus, RA, etc.  You can line 20 people (or 50, or a 100) up beside each other and you may not hit two people who have the exact same symptoms.  You may not hit two people who are affected the same way.  They'll all have varying degrees of pain.  Some people only have a few of the symptoms of fibro and others may be affected worse by their symptoms and pain levels.  Just as when what people call "the flu" (that is actually an intestinal virus) some people have a bad case of it and some people have a less severe case of it.  Unfortunately, I have a "bad case" of Fibromyalgia.  I have all the symptoms and co-conditions.  I have the acid reflux, I have the IBS, the Fibro Fog & memory loss, the insomnia, and on and on and on.  Does this well-meaning friend honestly think that I like not going out and doing things?  No, I don't.  I despise it.  You can't even begin to understand how bored and lonely and stir crazy I go.  Days like the last few though, I don't really have much of a choice.  I always have to use the chair arms to "push" myself out of my chair and yell "ow".  The last few days it's a double "ow" because the back of my arms hurt so badly too.  

My pain has been so bad for the last two days that I'm really not dealing with it well by tonight.  Not at all.  I'm starting to feel whiny, and I keep blinking back tears.  Just typing these words made me start feeling emotional again and I had to shove the tears away.  I seriously feel as if I'm losing my mind and going mad from the pain.  It isn't like I have a little pain.  I have pain.  -I had four children natural without pain meds.  I know what pain is, and I have real, debilitating, pain.  When I was first trying to come to grips with my illnesses, I kept asking "why me?".  "Why me God?  What have I done to deserve a life filled with pain every single day?".  I always felt that God wanted me to use my sicknesses to help others who are also sick.  I thought he wanted me to educate and advocate to fight for the rights of those of us afflicted.  I felt that he wanted me to bring awareness to the table, to advocate for more research for a cure.  Now?  I'm not so sure.  I feel that if I had been right, that God would've opened the doors for my chronic pain seminars.  Maybe it just isn't the right time yet?  I don't know.  All I do know is that's where my passion lays.  I also know that presenting chronic pain seminars is the only type of work I could possibly do at this point in my life.  Due to the fact that it isn't something I'd be doing every day, along with the fact that they only take a couple of hours, hours that I could alternate standing and sitting as needed while doing it, it's the only way I can fathom to do to support my daughter and myself.  I've always heard the saying "God helps those who help themselves".  I've tried every thing I can think of to try and help myself on opening the doors to public speaking and advocacy and it still hasn't panned out.  My birthday is November 18th, and I've posted everywhere that the only thing I want for my birthday this year, is to have enough money to present at least one chronic pain seminar.  God bless those who've donated to my chronic pain seminar fund on GoFundMe, but I've only raised $75 in the four months that I've been advocating and asking for donations.  -And you guys can't imagine how hard it was for me to make the page and ask in the first place.  I really don't think there's any way for me to hit my birthday goal of having the $75 raised up enough to hold at least one seminar.  I've said before that I'm not looking for a free handout.  I'm looking for people and/or businesses that believe in me and in what I'm trying to do.  I'm looking for the help of getting started.  After the first couple, then the seminars will start paying for themselves.

The grief wheel is a funny thing.  I'm not sure that you ever get out of it.  I'm beginning to think that it's something you just keep going around and around and around on until you die.  Every time I think I've finally come full circle with it, I find myself in the questioning and angry stage again.  Then we start all over.  I'm dizzy and sick of spinning around on this silly wheel.  Enough is enough.  Unfortunately though, since doctors and scientists doesn't have a cure, or even any single medicine that will take away my pain and my fatigue, I'm just stuck here going around and around and around.  No matter how hard I have to fight to believe and have hope, I will.  Hope that a cure will be found.  Hope that research will provide answers so that medicine that works will come to light.  Hope that a door will be opened for me, and my career in advocacy will take off.  I can't lose faith of my hope, because if I do then what will I have left?  

Friday, October 12, 2012

$1 Challenge



Ok everyone, I'm pushing a $1 Challenge until my birthday, November 18th, in hopes that I have enough in donations by then to rent at least ONE conference room and pay for the advertising to hold at least one chronic pain seminar! That's all I want for my birthday ...to be able to educate and advocate for those of us who live with chronic pain and/or invisible illness. Even if you yourself can't donate $1, would you please share the link on your social media sites for others to see? If you're a blogger, would you extend this challenge to your readers? It isn't about the amount of the donation, it's about the volume of donations. If enough people see it and donate even $1, then it will add up quickly! Here's the link: 
GoFundMe Donation Page Please help me to help all of us!  Clicking the butterfly will also take you to the donation page!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Bad Day

Do you ever have one of those days? You know, one of those days that seem bad from the moment you crack your eyes open? Well, that's been me today. I finally fell asleep last night this morning around 5am or so. I heard the kids come home around noon and cracked my eyes open not wanting to move. From there, it just seems as if it's gone downhill.
I haven't been able to stop yawning all day long. As for waking up as tired as when I went to bed? I've been more tired then when I went to bed. My head has killed me all day. I've felt as if someone yanked the plug out of the electrical socket on me. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for more then about 5 minutes at a time, and doing anything has caused extreme pain in my back. My knees? Yeah, I feel and sound like an 80 or 90 year old woman every time I go from a sitting to a standing position. I have to use the arms on the chair to help pry myself up, moaning outloud in pain as I do so. Pain or not, I was bound and determined to make supper tonight. My daughter loves my homemade broccoli, rice and cheese casserole and had asked me to make it for her. Once I had it ready to baked, and shoved it into the oven, I came back in here as quickly as I could with walking hunched over and collapsed into my computer chair. I was gasping from the pain in my back and was near tears. After resting for about 30 minutes I got up and went in to bread and fry the meat. Again, at about 1/2 through, I was in so much pain I couldn't hardly stand it. Trying to hurry, I ended up trying to fry my little finger along with the meat! Yep, while dropping a piece of meat into the boiling, bubbling grease, I stuck my little finger right down into it!! I'm not gonna lie, that made me gasp and say a few curse words under my breath as I was flipping on the cold water in which to drown my finger in. This meat,...this dang breaded and fried in HOT oil meat, was a new recipe. Guess what? It. Was. Disgusting. So, I didn't even burn my finger over something that was good. It wasn't even worth it in the slightest LOL. I took one bite and threw mine away. Yuck! So, I'd been weighing the cost of whether I should print out one copy of all of my seminar handouts then take them to Staples to have all the copies printed or if I should just print them all from home. Since the dead beat....or I mean, the man, that I'm still legally married to hasn't paid me one single penny of child support or alimony since May money has been super tight to say the least. Somehow, he had the money to take himself and his girlfriend to Cedar Point last Saturday, but miraculously he doesn't know "when" he can send my daughter and I any support according to the text her sent her. So, I decided that it may take longer, but would be more cost effective for me in my situation to just print them here at home. A new black printer cartridge is only $11.99 for me, because I buy refurbished. That sounded a ton better to me then paying out $50-$75 for copies at the store. With the day I had been having I should have known better. It printed a few copies, then it said that something was wrong with the ink cartridge. We took it out a couple times and reseeded it, to no avail. I turned it off then back on. Nope, nothing. Still that damn flashing yellow light. We unplugged it and let it sit for awhile. Still nothing. I removed the cartridge once again and used a damp coffee filter with bottled water and wiped the contacts down on the cartridge and inside the printer. Finally! It worked again! The catch? I'd set it for 40 copies and 1 would come out. Yep, one. Do you have any idea how easy hard it is to keep track of how many copies you've printed when you're sitting there clicking the print button ...waiting on the page to print ...dropping it into a pile ...then doing it all again? With a horrible headache? Being in pain and yawning all the while??! I still tolerated it and kept trying to plug along. Next thing I know, it's printing the page as if it's printed over it a hundred couple of times. What was wrong with it this time?? I don't have a clue. I gave up. I threw in the towel on it for now. Maybe I'll try again in a bit. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll find the money to go have the copies made rather then doing them themselves. I don't know. I don't know anything today/tonight! The only thing I do know tonight is that it's been a bad day and I'm sick of it! I'm ready for tomorrow to get here, as it'll have to be a better day, wouldn't it? I opened a new tab, played this song, and wrote this whining, complaining blog post! This song always helps me to feel better when I listen to it and sing along! Oh yeah, be sad I mean happy that this isn't a video post because I guarantee you that I'd never make it as a singer LOL. I do much better at sitting here complaining then I do singing. Alas, it's a feel good song that I love. Well, back to attempt the printing process yet again. I'm quickly running out of time. The seminar is Saturday. Two measly days away. I need to get crackin'!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Quality VS Quantity Of Life


Last night, I went with my kids and their friends to the little village that's 5 miles away from us.  They have a little one day festival type thing, then end the night with fireworks.  Since I wasn't able to watch fireworks on the 4th of July, I was excited to go.

Every year I take photos of the fireworks but this year, I decided to try and video them too.  My camera is a Canon T3i and it's supposed to have professional quality HD video built in.  I'd never tried using it before though, so I was fumbling around in the dark trying to figure it out lol.  I couldn't believe though, how much it hurt me to video it.  I had to tape a little, then shut the video off, then tape a little.  A minute or so into the third taping, I had to ask my daughter to take it.  I was left with horrible neck, shoulder and arm pain, and it put a charley horse in the middle of my back.  Even with the first taping I did, I missed having it centered and getting it all in, due to the pain it was causing me to hold the camera up aimed at the sky.

I was going to upload the first clip, to show how shaky I was trying to video right from the beginning, but for some reason I couldn't get it to upload to blogger.  It keeps telling me there was a problem uploading the video, but it doesn't tell me what the problem is lol. I will insert some photos of fireworks instead I guess.  I had taken some before I got the idea to try and use my video for the first time.

We all know that doing simple household tasks can be hard or even not doable at all sometimes, but it's the simple, little things, like trying to shoot a video with a camera that always throws me for a loop.  Things that people take for granted and don't even think about.  I never would've guessed how much it would hurt me to take a video.  My neck and arms still hurt this afternoon from it.  

This is no way to have to live.  Fibromyalgia (or insert Lupus, Arthritis, CFS/ME, etc) may not be fatal, but it sure stills your quality of life.  I've always believed that quality is better then quantity, and that holds true in my health and my life.  Not being able to bend over and pick something up from the floor, or run a sweeper. Being in tears after fixing a meal...sometimes in tears after just frying an egg, having to take breaks to unload and reload a dishwasher....  I could go on and on.  That's not quality, that's quantity.  I have a friend that wants my daughter, her boyfriend, and I to go to the zoo with him.  He told me to pick a day that I wouldn't be in a lot of pain.  I rolled my eyes and told my daughter and her boyfriend that this friend of mine needs to be the first one signing up for my seminar to learn the truth about living with chronic pain.  Oh how I wish I could know what day would be better then another for pain.  Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way.  

I'm asking again, for you all to please share this blog with your friends and family.  If you're a blogger yourself, please share this blog with your readers.  It's so very important to me, to educate people about life with an invisible illness that causes chronic pain.  Unless you live with it yourself, it's really hard to grasp what life is like, living this way.  Someone once said to me "At least you don't have cancer.  That could kill you and with this you won't die.".  I paused, then responded with "You're right.  It won't kill me.  Have you thought about the fact though, that people with cancer have hope?  There are solid treatment plans mapped out for all types of cancer.  A person with cancer, has hope of one day being cured.  They have hope of their pain and sickness ending.  Even if they do die, at least they aren't living for years and years in sickness and in pain.  One way or another, their pain ends.  I don't have that hope.  I know that I will have to live every day of my life hurting and sick.  If the quality of my life is going to be so limited and so painful, then do I really want to live until I'm 70? 80? 90 years old?".  I also went on to say that I know what a horrible beast cancer is, and my heart breaks for those that have to go through cancer.  Please don't think I'm an insensitive jerk because I'm not.  In fact, had I finished nursing school, I wanted to work in pediatric oncology.  This is just a way to get people to stop and think about what invisible illness and chronic pain sufferers go through.   I'm really hoping for a packed house for my seminar, because people really need to understand and learn.  They really need to stop and think.  Again, please share this site or my facebook page, and the flyer for my seminar.  I thank you all in advance!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Seminar Excitement!


Things are moving right along for my first chronic pain seminar.  A caring friend made this flyer for me last night.  I love it!  What do you all think of it?  The pastor of the church I'm going to hold it at, is emailing the flyer throughout all of the other churches in that denomination, and an elder is taking flyers to the hospital that she's a nursing supervisor at.  My daughter, Courtney, also posted the flyers in some online garage sale sites that are local to us.  Sunday, I'll be having all of the material for the seminar, including the flyers, printed up at Staples and will begin to start putting the packets together that I'll be giving out at the seminar.  

This has been a dream of mine, since I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  Although fibromyalgia is what I was diagnosed with, this seminar will help anyone who suffers from any type of chronic pain condition and/or invisible illness.  To see my dream finally coming true, is surreal to me.  Now, as long as I have people show up, I'll be feeling pretty happy!  Having people show up is probably the biggest hurdle I'm up against lol.  I'd love to be able to advertise in the newspapers around here too, but I just don't have the money for that.  My husband still is acting like he doesn't have a family.  Since he moved 3 hours away to live with some woman he met on the internet he hasn't spoke to us nor gave us any money for child support or alimony.  My hearing to get child support started isn't until the end of August.  

To know that I'm working to make my dreams come true, and actually accomplishing those dreams, fills me with a great deal of pride and personal satisfaction.  I may be sick, but I can still fight and have a voice that's heard.  I'll never give up trying to advocate for those of us with conditions such as I have.  This will be a life-long journey for me.

If everyone could leave me a comment, telling me what you would like to see discussed at a seminar such as I'll be putting on, it would mean a great deal to me.  I know what I have planned to cover, but maybe I've missed something that would be beneficial to my audience.  I'd be humbled for you all to work with me, so that I can present the best possible seminar that I can!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Patience Is A Virtue



Ever since I was a little kid, I never had any patience.  I remember my mom telling me that when I grew up, I'd become more patient.  I honestly don't think that ever happened for me though  lol.  We've all always heard that "patience is a virtue" and I'm sure we've all heard the saying "good things come to those who wait".  While both of those sayings may be true, I really believe that "the best things come to those who do".  I think a person needs to combine a little patience, with a little proactiveness to achieve what they're trying to do. 

Since February, I've wanted to break into public speaking.  I've wanted to present a seminar on living with chronic pain, from a patient's point of view.  I knew that making this a new career would take a little time, so I needed to be patient while waiting on that first big break.  I also knew, that I had to keep trying to get that first big break myself, or it'd never come. 

Avenues of social media is my new best friend.  I've blogged about wanting to present seminars, and I've tweeted about it.  I even have a face bookpage for the blog that I've shared my desires on, as well as my own personal facebook page.  If I didn't get the message out there that I wanted to educate and advocate for those living with a chronic pain and/or invisible illness, then no one would know that's what I want to do.  I wasn't going to get an email out of the blue, dropping a gig straight into my lap. 



I vowed not only to myself, but to all of you as well, that I'd never give up on trying to educate and advocate for all of us.  My hope is to bring understanding about our conditions to others, so that more people stand up and advocate for more research.  I also want to reach out to those of us, that are living with an illness, so that no one feels alone.  I want to bring real statistics into play.  I want to give those of us that need them, resources to help us cope with both the physical and mental problems we face on a day to day basis.



I've remained persistant, and plowed forward with determination.  Do you know what?  It's paid off!  I finally have my first big break.  I have a large church that approved allowing me to use their sanctuary to hold a chronic pain seminar.  After I have one or two under my belt, it'll make it so much easier for me to get other gigs.  Advertising for the seminar is my next obstacle, but I'll figure it out.  The old saying "it takes money to make money" is unfortunately very true, but then again so is the saying "where there's a will, there's a way". 

There are ways to advertise rather inexpensively, and I'll be exploring those options over the next few days.  Whatever it is that you do, whether it be pray, send good thoughts, send positive vibes, please do.  I'm praying to find several cheap ways to really get the advertisement out there for the seminar, and I'm praying that I have a good turn out for it.  I more then welcome your good thoughts and/or prayers for the same thing!  I've felt all along that I became sick for a reason, and that reason is to advocate.  My persistance, determination, and tenacity is finally going to be rewarded.  I vowed I'd never stop trying, and I'm proud to say that even though it's been a long time coming, the time is finally here!  Persistance and patience finally has paid off!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Spiraling In A Dark Abyss



Every time I get my feet beneath me again, and start to feel like everything will be alright from my husband walking out on my daughter and I, something else happens.  The long, dark spiral starts again.  I feel like I'm spiraling out of control in a dark abyss.  Then starts the routine of once again, trying to find my footing.

Yesterday, my daughter sent a text to her grandmother.  She was trying to get a message to her dad that she wanted to talk to him.  She's been trying to contact him for 3.5 weeks now, with him never returning a phone call.  Her grandmother sent her a text back saying that her dad had quit his job and moved.  She asked her grandmother where he moved to, and if he has a new job.  Her grandmother sent a text back that said "Don't know".  That, made my daughter cry for hours on end asking me questions such as "If my dad loves me then why doesn't he at least send me a text asking how I'm doing?  If my dad cares about me, then why wouldn't he have seen me and told me in person he was moving away and quitting his job?".

I had noticed that when he took his entire paycheck out of an ATM within minutes of it hitting Thursday night, that he'd done so at an ATM in Zanesville, OH.  I wondered then why he'd be that far away (3hrs from where we live) at almost midnight on a work night.  It all makes sense now.  The weekend that he "disappeared", then came home on that Sunday night (Easter Sunday), all he would tell me is that he'd been about 3hrs from home, and that he'd been east of Columbus, OH.  When I asked "where east of Columbus" he'd told me it was none of my business.  I guess he obviously had met someone from that area somehow while he was still with me.  =(

My daughter was freaking out that her dad quit his job.  She kept saying "How will we live if he doesn't have a job for us to get child support and alimony from him?".  I told her I didn't have all of the answers right this minute, but not to worry that we'd be fine.  That we always turn out fine.  Nothing would appease her.  On the inside, I too was freaking out wondering the same thing.  I also was scared and worried about us losing our health insurance.  I have all of my tests and appointments rescheduled for The Cleveland Clinic on June 14th.  My dad told me that he was pretty sure that they'd started taking health insurance out of my husband's checks a month before it went into effect, so we should still have it for all of this month yet.  It appears he must be right, because it was still showing in effect today went I checked it again.

My father called and asked to speak to my daughter.  My mom had told him what I'd told her, about how scared, worried and upset Courtney was.  He told her that she isn't in this alone, that she'd always have me, him, and my mother and that all three of us will always do everything we can for her.  He told her that him and my mom would never let her go without something she really needed.  I'm so grateful to have the parents I do.  I'm an only child, and I love my parents so very much.

I can't begin to stress to all of you, how much I hate being chronically ill.  All of this, would be so much easier for me to handle, and so much less stressful, if I could just go out and apply for any job opening there is.  The cold, hard realities though, is that I can't.  No matter how much I truly want to work and bring in a paycheck, I can't.  I ended up crying yesterday too, telling my daughter that she's equally mine and her dads responsibility and I feel that I'm letting her down just as much as he is.  I told her how sorry I am that I can't work to bring in a paycheck so that she wouldn't have to worry so much.  My health, is making me a crappy parent.  I love all four of my kids so very much, that it just kills me mentally to not be able to work to provide my underage daughter with the things she needs and deserves.

All I could think about doing most of the day and evening yesterday was to go into my room, crawl into bed,  and cry myself to sleep then just stay there for a week.  I didn't do that though.  That would solve nothing.  That would just worry and frighten my daughter more then she already was.  This wasn't a solution.

I still don't have a solution to my problems.  I still don't know what to do.  I've always been a chronic worrier all of my life, and I will freely admit that I am so tired, so very mentally exhausted, of worrying about everything all alone.  I wish more then anything right now, that I had someone to hug me and hold me, and tell me everything will work out in the end.  I've been shouldering so much on my own in the last two months, that when I think of it, it astounds me.

The stress and worry that I have, throws me into flares.  Both pain and insomnia flares.  Alas, I crawled my way out of bed today.  I sat down at my computer, and I sent off yet another email asking for help in holding a chronic pain and invisible illness seminar.  It's become more then obvious to me, that the only way I'm going to be able to get a start in that business, is to somehow raise the funds to hold two or three of them on my own.  Come up with the money to rent a space, a conference room to hold them in, to purchase tickets with, and to pay for advertising for them, on my own.  Holding a few on my own will help to get my name out there.  I'll have something to put sample clips of, on YouTube.  People and organizations will be more willing to take a risk on me.  I knew this a few days ago, which is why I finally bit the bullet and opened a Go Fund Me account.  Now, even more than then, it's so important for me to be able to do this and as quickly as possible.  I'd never ask an individual to contribute to my Go Fund Me Account.  I know that this economy is horrible and times are tough for everyone right now.  I have to ask you all though, that if you have an affiliation with any corporation, organization, or business that may be willing to make a donation, that you please pass along my information.

If I can even hit even the $1000 mark in my account, then I'll start checking out prices of conference rooms and advertising.  If it's enough to hold the first one, I'll be on it right away.  I just truly don't know what to do to provide a living for my daughter and myself, besides this.  Today, Courtney and her boyfriend did a ton of work to the house for me.  I felt so guilty that I couldn't help them with what they were doing.  I went to the laundry room and started a load of laundry.  I was out of breath and in pain, so I had to come sit down.  After sitting for a bit I hoisted myself up again, and unloaded the dish washer.  Then again, I sat.  Then, I went out and loaded the dish washer.  I was in tears from the bending.  I also cleaned off my china cabinet today and dusted it.  Again, I had to break it up into small increments.  I did these things after pre-medicating myself with a pain pill.  I still was in tears from the pain.  Right now, my arms are killing me.  It's killing them just sitting here typing.  My shoulders are killing me, I can't even raise my arms above my head.  My neck hurts so badly, that I can barely turn my head from one side to the other or up and down.  My back is killing me.  My knees, and upper legs are aching and burning.  -And what did I do to cause all of this debilitating pain?  I threw some dirty towels in a washer, I unloaded and reloaded a dish washer, and I cleaned off a china cabinet (that seems to be a catch-all for everyone to throw everything on) and dusted it.  Not very much in the grand scheme of things, was it?  How in the world, can I get a "real" job and support us?  I just don't see how it's possible.  I had used up so many spoons today doing these few small tasks, that I couldn't even make supper tonight.  My daughter made ramen noodles.  She made some for me too, and I didn't even have the energy to eat them.  I took a few bites, then gave mine to her.  I was too tired to eat, and in so much pain that I didn't have an appetite.

I'm the type of person that doesn't like to ask for help from anyone.  My flight or fight instinct has kicked in though, and I don't really have a choice.  I have to ask you all, to please share my blog and my desire to make a career out of public speaking.  I ask you all to please think long and hard of any corporation or organization that might be willing to help me.  The more people that see and/or hear about my blog and my dream career of leading seminars, the better chance I have to make this dream come true and to start earning a living for my daughter and I.  I'm so very grateful for each and every one of you that's a part of my life here on my blog, and on my blog's facebook page.  It's comforting to me, to know that I'm not alone in my pain, and my daily struggles.  Thank you all for being here.