Tuesday, May 15, 2012
The Face Of Rejection
Another rejection email came in today. I had received a lead from a lady on FaceBook, to contact the pastor of her church to see if he'd donate space at the church for me to hold a seminar, then sell tickets to the seminar to make my money. This lady is local to me, within about a 30 minute drive. She too, lives every day in chronic pain and wants me to get a seminar scheduled somewhere so that she can attend. I was really hopeful about this one. Unfortunately he emailed back today saying that they don't donate nor rent space out at the church and they'd never sell tickets to a speaker. I'm not gonna lie, with this one, tears stung my eyes but I blinked them back.
I knew upfront that I'd face a lot of rejection in the beginning. My hope is that after I have done one or two, that word of mouth will help me with booking more in the future. Just because I've been rejected by 3 or 4 places in the past week, I'm not going to quit. I'm passionate about this. I need this. Others that live every day of their lives need this too. I still feel that this is what I'm supposed to do, therefore when the time is right, the doors will open. I just kind of feel like I'm hitting a brick wall. I'm running out of ideas of where to turn, to try and make this happen. I had received an email from a Dr of Rheumatology at a local medical school that told me the university didn't have funds for this type of thing, but that my best bet would be to contact some drug companies. They at least may be willing to provide me with grant money to set up my own seminars. The old saying it takes money to make money is unfortunately very true. If I had the money, I could just book a conference room at a hotel, and pay for advertising in newspapers, etc. to the event. As it is, I don't have a pot to piss in right now though.
I'm not looking to get rich. I don't care about being famous. I just want to do something that I'm passionate about, advocate for something I believe in, and make a comfortable living to support my daughter and myself. I'm only planning on setting ticket prices at $15 for one, or $25 for two. I just want to get the word out about what it's truly like to live your life in chronic pain. Present some of the latest research, and pass along some coping mechanisms and resources for people with a chronic pain and/or invisible illness. My bills are fairly minimal and as long as I can make enough money to pay them on time without worry, buy groceries each week, buy necessities that my daughter and myself need, and have a little set back in case of an emergency, I'd be very happy and content.
In the meantime, I've tried a few channels (including etsy) to sell a some of my photography work to bring in a little cash. That too, has gotten me nowhere. Between all of the rejection, physical pain I'm in every day, and the mental pain and worry due to my impending divorce, it would be so easy to just lay down and cry, and never get up again. I refuse to do that though. I'm a fighter. I always have been, my entire life. Every day I tell myself to "just hold on". Tomorrow will be the day that I get a break and things will start getting easier. I tell myself that sooner or later, something good has to happen to me, because I'm trying so hard to make good things happen. I'd heard all my life from my mother, that "God helps those who help themselves". That's what I've been trying to do. I've even done my best to stop asking "Why Me?" about things, because I'm a believer that everything happens for a reason and that down the road the answer to that will be made clear. I have to admit though, it's starting to get really hard to remain optimistic. One can only tell themselves that tomorrow will be a better day so many times, before it becomes hard to believe that. Alas, I will keep racking my brain trying to make things happen. Trying to come up with ideas. I may be down right now, but please don't count me out yet.