Friday, March 2, 2012
That gosh darn Ultram. I've never done illegal drugs so I don't have anything concrete to base this on, but I've always read/heard that cocaine makes you hyper/keeps you awake. When I have a night like last night was from taking an Ultram, it almost makes me feel guilty. -Like, it's some sort of legal cocaine...or crack..or...or...something! All I do know for sure, is that it keeps me awake. For hours.
So I've told both Rheumatologists that if I take a pill past 2 or 3pm, that I'm awake all night long. The solution both of them gave me? "Well, then don't take one past 2pm". Hmmm....ok, because I can just command my body to not have any excruiating pain past 2pm, and that'll happen. I think not. If it were that easy, or I had any control over the pain at all, then I would never be in pain! LOL
I take the Ultram as a last resort. I have to really be hurting to take one in the evenings. Unfortunately, last night was one that Ibuprofen wouldn't cut. So, here I still sit wide awake at 8:30am. Am I tired? Heck yeah, but no way I could go to sleep.
For me, Ultram is a Jeckyll and Hyde pill. It takes 50-70% of my pain away but then I have to pay for it by not getting any sleep. When I do get sleep after taking one, I only get a couple hours because it's already so late in the day that I don't have time to sleep longer then a couple hours. I'm sorry if this post is jumbled and rambling. I'm just tired. Tired of everything. Tired of the pain, tired of the fatigue. Of not having a cure, and of not having a solid universal treatment plan that works for everyone. I'm really tired of the Ultram keeping me tired.
My husband left for work at 4:30am this morning. He told me to call him before I went to bed. Every hour or so the phone rings and he says "you haven't gone to bed yet?". Ummm....well no honey, I do understand what it means when you tell me to call you when I'm ready to go lay down. He keeps harping at me that I better go get some sleep because he'd like to go grocery shopping and out to eat when he gets home from work today. Well, I'd like that too! That's the one thing I look forward to every week. Pretty pathetic that I get excited over a date night of grocery shopping and eating out. But....that's my life and I do. I assured him that I'd be up and we'd be going. So, I probably should try to go lay down and hope I fall asleep.