Tuesday, March 20, 2012

....And Life Goes On

Remember this grief wheel that I posted shortly after starting this blog?  I'm proud to say that I've almost come full circle now.  I waiver back and forth between Obsession and Acceptance.  I think that I'm pretty darn close to being into the full "acceptance" circle!

Between all of my ailments, I have pain daily.  I understand now, that nothing is going to change that.  I will always have pain.  The numbness hasn't went away, in my left hand and fingers.  I now accept that it may never go away.  I'm always going to be tired and drained of energy, although some days will be better then others.  I accept that.  I absolutely despise taking Ultram, but I now accept that if taking Ultram is the only way to get through a day of doing things I want to do, then it's ok for me to take it.  When I say that I despise taking it, boy do I mean it.  To give you an idea, I filled my very first prescription for Ultram the beginning of August, 2011.  I'm prescribed 40 pills to a bottle.  I did not refill my prescription until December 23, 2011.  At the time of refill, I still had about 8 or 9 pills left.  I used them very sparingly. 

Will my fibro and arthritis symptoms get worse over the years?  I don't know.  All I do know, is that they started getting bad a year ago May.  They've gotten worse, rather then better, throughout this past 10 months.  Therefore, I'm not going to give in to chronic pain and fatigue.  While I can, I'm going to get out and do as much as possible.  Today, for the first time ever, I said right outloud that maybe, just maybe, getting fibromyalgia and arthritis is a blessing in disguise.  Ok, I almost see you all cringing when reading that.  What I mean by that though, is that I'll never again take a pain free day for granted.  When I plant my flowers in my front flower bed this year, I'll enjoy the fact that I could plant them.  They'll look brighter and prettier to me, every time I look at them.  In other words, I'm going to enjoy life.  I won't take a single day, or a single activity, for granted again.

I refuse to allow my disorders to control me and my life.  I have fibromyalgia and arthritis, but I'm not fibromyalgia and arthritis.  Does that make sense to you?  I sure hope so!

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