Tuesday, March 20, 2012
....And Life Goes On
Remember this grief wheel that I posted shortly after starting this blog? I'm proud to say that I've almost come full circle now. I waiver back and forth between Obsession and Acceptance. I think that I'm pretty darn close to being into the full "acceptance" circle!
Between all of my ailments, I have pain daily. I understand now, that nothing is going to change that. I will always have pain. The numbness hasn't went away, in my left hand and fingers. I now accept that it may never go away. I'm always going to be tired and drained of energy, although some days will be better then others. I accept that. I absolutely despise taking Ultram, but I now accept that if taking Ultram is the only way to get through a day of doing things I want to do, then it's ok for me to take it. When I say that I despise taking it, boy do I mean it. To give you an idea, I filled my very first prescription for Ultram the beginning of August, 2011. I'm prescribed 40 pills to a bottle. I did not refill my prescription until December 23, 2011. At the time of refill, I still had about 8 or 9 pills left. I used them very sparingly.
Will my fibro and arthritis symptoms get worse over the years? I don't know. All I do know, is that they started getting bad a year ago May. They've gotten worse, rather then better, throughout this past 10 months. Therefore, I'm not going to give in to chronic pain and fatigue. While I can, I'm going to get out and do as much as possible. Today, for the first time ever, I said right outloud that maybe, just maybe, getting fibromyalgia and arthritis is a blessing in disguise. Ok, I almost see you all cringing when reading that. What I mean by that though, is that I'll never again take a pain free day for granted. When I plant my flowers in my front flower bed this year, I'll enjoy the fact that I could plant them. They'll look brighter and prettier to me, every time I look at them. In other words, I'm going to enjoy life. I won't take a single day, or a single activity, for granted again.
I refuse to allow my disorders to control me and my life. I have fibromyalgia and arthritis, but I'm not fibromyalgia and arthritis. Does that make sense to you? I sure hope so!